THE SMS TITANIC

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Hm.

So... even though I love Anna, sometimes I also develop side-crushes on other people, too. It's probably a bad idea to go out with someone while Anna's the only thing on my mind, but I can't really help it. Plus it's not like anyone would want to go out with me anyway. But yeah.

It's just... it really sucks being alone like this, especially when I'm constantly forced to watch/listen to other couples' happiness, and sometimes I wish I could have, like, a temporary girlfriend. Just until Anna loves me. But then I quickly realize that that would be really cruel to the other girl. I mean, I know there's a such thing as friends with benefits, but that's not really what I'm talking aboot. I don't really care all that much aboot sex (surprise!), I just... wish I had someone to do little romantic things with, like cuddling or just talking or whatever.

I dunno. Whatever. I guess my patience will pay off? Maybe? Except I'm really, really impatient. So yeah.

EDIT: Unrelated, I just realized that maybe Anna SHOULDN'T know aboot this, lest she have it shut down like the Facebook group. Hm. :s

meh

Nothing really new's going on, but I wanted to make a post anyway.

Apparently Anna had a cold or something, but as far as I know she's okay now.

meh

Nothing really new's going on, but I wanted to make a post anyway.

Apparently Anna had a cold or something, but as far as I know she's okay now.

STOP BEING EMO, NICK

Yeah, yeah. I know. Half the time when I'm negative I seem emo, and the other half when I'm positive I come off as creepy and the bad kind of insane. Welp, prepare for the latter.

Recently I've been feelin' pretty good. It may have something to do with me taking an interest in Catholicism the other day. Looked up incorruptibility (pretty cool) and infallibility of the church, and other cool Catholic stuff like that. Of course, as far as I know I'm Protestant, but that doesn't stop me from using Catholic principles that make sense to me, does it?

Well anyway, after doing this, I've felt less emo and stuff. More confident, even. Not in the bad vain way, though. But yeah. I also kinda get this vibe that maybe God's rewarding me for being extra religious lately by aiding me in my quest for Anna's love or something. I dunno. Maybe. But yeah!

Also, happy birthday Anna! (She's 17 today.) <3

I literally lived the lyrics to 'Blue Christmas'

Indeed, it was a blue, blue Christmas without her. I couldn't stop myself from thinking... you're supposed to hang out with loved ones for Christmas, right? So many people take it for granted, thinking "oh hey, that's easy, loved ones are the one thing you always have". But no. Not so easy for some.

Anna is the one thing I really, truly need (not that I'm calling her a thing) but like... I don't have her. It shouldn't be this hard, ya know? If only I could just, like, cuddle with her, and just talk or something simple like that it would be the perfect Christmas in my eyes. But no. I can't even get that much. :(

I guess I'm okay now though. I'ma keep on truckin'. Perseverance! I don't care if it sounds creepy or not, I know I'll get her someday.

Memories~

So, I'm reading over my 200+ logs I saved from my conversations with Anna, and I've gotta say... I was pretty annoying back then. Like, in late 2006/early 2007 I was constantly reminding her that she was supposed to call me. (Eventually she finally did. Twice.) And it seems like most of our conversations have at least one instance of me asking her to marry me or play PS2 nekkid while I watch and jack off to it or whatever, and her just saying "maybe", all mundane-like. She probably thought I was annoying, too, but just didn't want to say it.

Then I began wondering. How long did this go on? Was I still like this in August of 2008, when she blocked me? Could this have been the reason?

Of course, I've changed now, but I assume that she still thinks I'm like that. But damn, how can I prove I've changed after being annoying for so long?

Phil comments on Anna's LJ!

Okay, so yeah, it was me. I completely forgot that account existed until I read the log of when we started doing it. I was gonna do another comment being like, "Is it Nick? Or am I really your cartoon crush, giving you sound advice? OooOoooOOOooo!" but apparently she blocked all the BS accounts. So yeah.

But seriously, Anna, Phil speaks the truth. I love you. Why won't you at least give me a chance? And I mean damn, the fact that we worked on that project together should give you a hint. We used to be such good friends... always doing fun little projects like that together. What happened to those days, huh?

As a side note, does Anna actually read this blog? Because she probably should. I need a way to communicate things to her.

Ed Note: Pic is no longer there.

Feelin' optimistic.

Although I usually fluctuate back-and-forth between optimism ("Dude, I can feel it! Anna'll love me!") and pessimism ("Crap, what if I don't marry her? WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HER?! OH GOD!"), recently I've been feeling pretty optimistic, like, constantly. I just woke up like that one day. I think maybe I had another one of my psychic dreams in which I'm hanging out with her IRL, but I can't remember.

Anyway, it only got reinforced even more when I had a heartwarming conversation with one of my friends yesterday. This is new because generally my conversations aren't heartwarming. In fact, they're usually heart... uh... coldening... with like, everyone insulting me and stuff. My self-esteem was boosted a bit by it.

And as if I weren't already in an uncharacteristically good mood after that, I was IMed by Kate. You might recall the incident two posts back in which she was involved. But to my great surprise, the conversation turned out to be quite civil. I mean, she did state that she hated me and wanted to castrate me, but other than that it was actually p cool.

So yeah, I'm actually in somewhat of a good mood now. Obviously I can't say I'm happy or even content quite yet, because uh Anna still doesn't love me, but at the moment I'm not as depressed as usual. I guess it's kind of a neutral mood... more leaned toward good than bad though. I dunno, I'm an Aspie. I don't know crap aboot feelings.

Operation McFly

So. During my two-week absence from the Internet, I devised a new plan. You see, I bought two large coffees (a latté and a mocha, to be exact) from McDonald's, and upon drinking them, I realized I had traveled one minute back in time.

So I did some math. Assuming one coffee takes me back in time 30 seconds, I would have to drink 13,665,600 coffees to go back in time 13 years. Why would I want to go back 13 years, you ask? The answer is simple. 13 years ago, Anna was 2 (almost 3). This is the approximate time she moved to California.

Once I drink these coffees, I will become a 5-year-old again but will retain all my memories from being 18. Then, I will utilize said memories to do things that would be supernatural for a five-year-old to do, such as predict events and excel in school. 

Everyone will think I'm a prophet or something, and I'll use this to command my family to move to California. Preferably right next door to Anna. Then, Anna and I will be able to grow up together IRL. And by hanging out with me IRL, she'll actually get to know me unlike how the past five years of Internet-only friendship went down. Then she'll realize I'm not a stalker and will fall in love with me.

Now, the problem is... how will I afford that many coffees? They're $3.19 a piece IIRC, so that's a grand total of $43,593,264, not even counting tax. Hmm. :s

EDIT: Nevermind. I'm really, really dumb.

Drama on dA!

So I decided to keep a separate blog specifically for Anna-related events. If you don't know who Anna is, then, uh, maybe you shouldn't even be here. I've explained the story millions of times and I'm tired now.

Welp, here's the first entry.

Apparently Caleb sent Anna the following email:

you're nothing without nick which I find to be very lol

Without nick you're not interesting or appealing in any way, the majority of your "Online friends" are only your friend because Nick's exploits towards you are hilarious.
With his efforts he's going to find love before you, and you'll be a long lost memory.
(and god knows not a very pleasant one)
And once he's gone, the friends that are around to laugh with you at Nick, will be gone
you will be friendless in real life, and offline, too.

P.S. Fat people are disgusting.

P.P.S. your thinning purple hair is disgusting.

P.P.P.S You're disgusting.

You are literally only interesting when Nick is in the picture. You have absolutely no interesting hobbies, or activities that you delve into. You have no social experiences thus no stories to tell in a social situation, or any way to relate to anyone elses social stories.

Basically,
Nick completes you.
You are fully socially inept without this loser being a creep towards you. You are as bad as Nick, but you have a way to displace your terrible social skills and loneliness.
By laughing at Nick every time you feel like you have the short end of the stick socially.

tl;dr PURPLE PIG PURPLE PIG PURPLE PIG

Obviously I was pretty pissed. I then proceeded to yell at him for doing this.

So then, as she usually does, Anna gets her friends to do her dirty work for her. Kate left a comment on Caleb's dA. He then commented back. It went on for minutes upon minutes. I think the comments are probably "HIDDEN BY OWNER" now, so linking to them would be futile. Anyway, I joined in to say that Anna's not a "purple pig", at which point both Caleb and Kate told me to GTFO.

Later on, Kate and some other person Anna knows invited me to an MSN chat so they could once again tell me to leave Anna alone. By now I've learned arguing over the Internet is dumb and futile, but whatever, I presented my case to them anyway. Of course, because they are stubborn, they didn't listen anyway. Don't know why I even bothered.

Then Anna reported me to dA for harrassment. Explain to me how that works out. Wasn't I on HER side? I've gotta say, that woman perplexes me sometimes.