Kiwi Forums' Marvin's Account of the Trial

Ok, so, interesting trial today.

Huge wall of text coming. If you want the end result, just skip to the bottom of my post.

It's great news.

Unless you're Nick Bate.

This took place at the Lancaster County courthouse.

So, the floor that the courtroom it took place in didn't allow any photography. Like, so you can't catch a picture of someone coming out of the courtroom. You have to hang around the exits of the building, or maybe in the lobby, and catch a picture of them there. (Well, either way, they brought Nick in through a special door in the courtroom anyway, so, I don't know if I could've encountered him anyway.)

When I got into the courtroom, I talked to the detective a bit. She talked to whoever went to the earlier hearing so she was expecting me, I think.

I overhear that the prosecution is going to be having four people testifying, and the defense is going to have two people testifying. The prosecution also mentioned having a youtube video, but I didn't get the details on that.

Nick Bate gets marched in wearing a yellow jumpsuit and crocs. He's looking pretty skinny. Also I thought his hair looked kind of thinning on top. He had kind of a Charlie Manson look to him, y'know?

So, then the trial gets going. First AO testifies. First the judge asks if there's any opposition to her testifying because she's under 14. No one objects. Both the defense and the prosecution question AO about the detailed specifics of the allegations. Defense tries a bit harder, I think.

The defense seems to be trying to get AO to say that she didn't immediately report molestation to her father, but she just mentioned some weird behavior on Nick's part that her father just inflated. At some point, the defense asks very explicitly if AO was being coached.

Next the prosecution puts the cop on the stand. Nothing much of interest is said. Then they put a social worker (or someone in a similar position) on the stand. I think she just commented on physical evidence.

Also, by the way, during this whole thing, it seemed that Nick Bate was shaking. Kind of like sustained shivering. Later I figured it was because he was jiggling his leg, but, I don't know, it seemed to be pretty vigorous leg shaking. He was pretty nervous.

Next they put the detective on the stand. They entered some chat logs between Nick and Anna into evidence. I think you guys know which logs these were, the ones where he explicitly admitted to these crimes. They read the chat aloud in the courtroom, aboots included.

Next they put AO's mother on the stand. She defended Nick in really bizarre ways. She said that her husband had never liked Nick from the beginning. She said that he was kicked out of the house in sixth grade. She made a few statements about how after he was kicked out, he was never in the house. Oh, except for Christmas. But he was never, ever alone with AO.

Under questioning, she admitted that she worked, AO was home alone sometimes, Nick was within walking distance during those times, and easily could've been over at the house.

Then the prosecutor mentioned that she might have a video of Nick and AO at a birthday pool party that would've been around the time that these crimes were committed. This didn't really phase AO's mother.

After all this, the prosecutor asked AO's mother "if someone said AO was alone with Nick at one point, would they be lying?" ... "Yes."

Without batting an eye.

Then the defense just went and rehashed all of AO's mother's claims with her. "Was Nick ever left alone with AO?" "No." etc

The prosecutor asks "do you love your son?" "Yes." The defense asks "do you love your daughter?" "Yes." Fair enough.

Next Nick himself is on the stand.

He speaks more coherently than I expected. He claims he made up the molestation story in the chatlog. He says that all the "Nick: ..." parts are legitimately his writing, but that some of the Anna parts were omitted. He also brings up internet harassment and claims he was hacked and that's how the log was leaked.

His excuse about the molestation story is that Anna was telling him about a sex encounter she had. He didn't want to be left out, so he says he made up his own sex story. But no one would believe he banged an adult, so... the logical option is... child molestation.

After that, Nick admitted to be a pedophile in court, as well as a coprophile. Contradicting what his mother said, Nick said he visited AO for Christmas, Thanksgiving and birthday parties.

Part of an earlier claim was that before one of the incidents, AO and Nick were in AO's bedroom and they had just finishing playing wii or a board game or something. Nick's mother claimed that they never had the wii in AO's room, it was always on the downstairs TV. Nick also contradicted that.

One question literally asked of Sick Nick was "do you enjoy butts or feces, Mr Stoutzenberger?". Yes, of course. Nick's lawyer is pretty much setting up the "but I really like poop!" defense to show that the chatlog was fake.

Closing arguments:

The defense basically argued that lots of people are giving varying stories about the same events. AO can't keep her story straight. Also AO's father really hated Nick, so he was trying to manipulate AO into getting him arrested for pedophilia. Also Nick lives in cyberspace, so he's just indulging in his weird edgelord fantasies online. At one point, the words were pretty similar to, "Why would he say he wouldn't lick a shitty butthole? As we know, he's a coprophile. He'd love it!" I don't think they were exactly that, but that sounds pretty close. It at least shares a few phrases in common.

The defense was literally using the "if he likes shit, you must acquit" defense.

The prosecution said that AO's stories weren't inconsistent. She remembered the important details. She obviously didn't remember the miscellaneous details, like what clothing he wearing or what they were doing beforehand. Also the Anna chat matches what AO claimed very closely. AO's mother's testimony is worthless. And very importantly: It's not like Nick is denying that he'd want to molest a child. He's just saying he didn't do it this time.

Verdict

Invol. Deviate Sexual Intercourse W/Child

Guilty!

Indecent Assault Person Less than 13 Years of Age

Guilty!

Indecent Assault Person Less than 13 Years of Age

Guilty!

The docket lists four charges and I only remember hearing three charges announced. So I don't know if I missed something or what.

(Also, these notes are my written notes, distilled into a text file, then distilled further into this post, in a hurried manner on the train before I have to switch trains in Philly in ten minutes. I can clean stuff up later.)

Ed Note: Here's a link to the post: https://kiwifar.ms/threads/nick-bate-3-judgement-day.16562/page-17

Kiwi Farm's User Saul Goodman's Account of the Trial

OPERATION SHIT EATER

Part 2(b): Shit Goes to Trial

Since there seems to be some confusion, my recap will begin with some sperging about a how a preliminary hearing works in Pennsylvania (and other similar states). A preliminary hearing is not a trial. It is merely a check/balance to make sure that the prosecution can't bring unfounded charges. The standard for a preliminary hearing is that, in order to go to a formal arraignment at the main county courthouse, the prosecution must show, under Pennsylvania law that there is a "prima facie case that (1) an offense has been committed and (2) the defendant has committed it."

A prima facie case ("on its face," in Latin), means that the state can show the court sufficient evidence that -- if this evidence is accepted as true (i.e., viewed "on its face") -- the court can conclude that a crime has been committed and the defendant probably committed it. This is not about "reasonable doubt" or gathering evidence (that happens during the discovery phase of a trial) or arguing the merits of the case. It is, once again, merely a check on the prosecution's power to charge people incorrectly/unfairly -- they have to show that they have some evidence, that if it is accepted as true, would sustain their charges. Obviously, if the prosecution cannot produce such evidence, it would be inappropriate for the judge to send the case to trial.

I mention this background because it is useful in understanding what happened today. As you read this, keep in mind that, while the defense has a right to call witnesses and cross-examine the state's witnesses, it can only do so to negate the state's case (i.e. show that even if you accept the state's evidence as true, it doesn't sufficiently show that the defendant committed the crime). Again, this is not a time for the defense to do discovery or question the credibility of witnesses (for the purposes of a preliminary hearing, their testimony is accepted as true).

Accordingly, the fact that the hearing went the way it did tells us a lot about the defense strategy: By making the victim testify and pushing her as hard as they can (more on this below), they are sending a message that they're going to go after this innocent, 12 year old girl if the case doesn't plead out [Editor's Note: I realize that her name has been published on other websites, but in order to protect her privacy, I suggest that we stop using even her first name and refer to her either as "the victim" or AO -- because seriously, guys, who would want this shit popping up in a Google search of their name for the rest of their lives]. It's not an uncommon strategy. And, sadly, it's quite often an effective one.

My last update left off with me sitting next to the step-dad, aunt, and "B-mum" with step-dad going off to pick AO up from her friend's house because she had suddenly been called to testify. The three adults do, as several posters have surmised, seem like stereotypical country folk. The father -- a balding, weathered man in clothes that suggested a physically strenuous occupation -- seemed to be genuinely overwhelmed. He commented to me that "I've never been to a place like this before." I assumed he meant to a courthouse for a criminal proceeding. I replied that I hadn't either (this was, indeed, the first time I'd been to a magistrate's court in an actual trailer, although I've been to several that were similarly unimposing). B-mum and aunt were genuinely kind and gentle people. Not the horrible, intolerant rednecks that everyone seems to think. B-mum even gave me the pen and paper that I used to take notes at the hearing after I was a typical sperg and forgot mine in the car. And this was after she knew I was a blogger/"online reporter" (and heaven knows the internet has not been kind to her son).

That said, she and the aunt are simple folk (the aunt shares the Stoutzenberger family teeth, but B-mum seems in surprisingly good shape for her age) and do genuinely seem to have convinced themselves that Nick is innocent. The aunt remarked how all the news reports have been "filled with inaccuracies" [Editor's Note: rates optimistic]. B-mum concurred and said she had "turned everything off" for a few weeks and wanted to "hear more positive stories on the news." Given that the father, mother, and AO are still living together, I can only imagine what this state of affairs is doing to the family dynamic.

The hearing itself was relatively short, with only two witnesses called. The second was The Detective (TD), but all she was there to do was the usual "yep, I arrested him, and on these charges." She wasn't cross-examined.

The victim's testimony, however, was unnerving; even for someone like me who's spent a significant amount of time working in courtrooms. Also, as I remarked about TD earlier, almost everyone there looked as if they came straight from central casting. The prosecutor was a pretty and eager young brunette, seemingly fresh out of law school. The public defender was a heavyset, gray-haired gentleman who absolutely oozed with "good ol' boy" charm/sleaze. And, as you can see from the perp walk, the constable was a total badass (my, oh my, did he rock those shades).

The victim's direct examination was relatively straightforward; she told everyone who she was, who Nick was, and what had happened. Out of respect for her, I won't go into details, but I will say both that the things she described were brutal and disgusting to a degree far beyond what has previously been reported, and that her testimony was both assured and utterly convincing, which made having to listen to it all the more horrible.

However, even in the middle of her direct, the Sleazy Defense Counsel (SDC) started in with what I consider to be inappropriate gamesmanship. He interrupted and asked AO directly to speak up (it was a small room, I was at the back of it, and I heard her just fine). I realize better than most that every defendant is entitled to a zealous and competent defense. I think that's a good thing -- a wonderful thing even -- about our society. And sometimes a zealous defense means callously working to discredit an innocent 12 year old girl. But it does not mean actively doing things that (at least from my perspective) serve no purpose other than intimidating her.

The prosecutor, while generally excellent (which is not surprising -- these days you have to have superb credentials to get any prosecutor's job straight out of law school), unfortunately played into this a little bit (in my opinion) by asking questions that weren't necessary to make her prima facie case (e.g., "So, when you say you sucked it, what do you mean by that?").

But it was on cross-examination that SDC got significantly out of line. He began by making her repeat/confirm pretty much everything she said on direct and then kept pressing her for specificity on dates/times/logistical details (including such things as exactly how Nick pulled the victim's shirt up). The prosecutor objected (and her objections were sustained) on three different occasions that SDC's questions constituted a "fishing expedition," in which he was trying to discredit AO and try the case on the merits rather than contest the commonwealth's prima facie case that a crime had occurred and that Nick had committed it.

Obviously, after the victim's testimony, the judge found that the commonwealth had met its prima facie burden and sent the case over to the Lancaster County Court of Common Pleas for a formal arraignment/trial.

After the hearing, TD, the prosecutor, the bailiff, and the constable were chatting and TD called me over and asked about my accent. After chatting for a bit, I asked if I could ask her a question in return: "So, were you the one who got the video?" She replied that she was, but that Nick didn't actually attach it to the email, but rather "threatened" (her wording) to send it to her. She remarked that she had found it on ED in the course of her research and, while smiling ever so slightly, informed me that "several" of her colleagues have seen it. She asked where she could read more, so I gave her the web address.

If you're reading this, Detective, please allow me to second everybody else here in commending you for your work. You put in a ton of effort and waded through a ton of muck and filth (both literally and figuratively) to help make the world a better and safer place.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that (a) Sick Nick is going to be in prison for a long time at the end of this, (b) a bunch of people in Lancaster County now know, or shortly will know, about the Farms, and (c) AO is tough as nails. After dealing with what must be an utterly insane home life even apart from this case, she seems remarkably well-adjusted. It's a real tragedy that she has to go through this.

I'll answer more questions later, but for now it's time to distract myself with CGI dinosaurs. It's been a sincerely exhausting day. Goodnight everybody.

Ed Note: Here's the link to the forum post: https://kiwifar.ms/threads/nick-bate-2-the-reckoning.9293/page-96

Reading this made me feel sick to my stomach. I can't imagine what AO had to go through. Especially, reliving it by having to testify in court. Sick Nick deserves the full 40 years and then some.

Anna Q and A

hurrhurrhurr: Feel free to ask questions! That's more or less what I came here for. So here are some answers!

#1. When/how did Nick decide that it was fated for you to be his wife? 
I'm honestly not sure. It all started out as what seemed to be a harmless crush, but it escalated over time. If I find anything that pinpoints when the "WE ARE FATED TO BE MARRIED" bullshit started, I'll share it--I'm looking through my LJ for relevant posts right now, and if I find anything that can give you a rough timeframe I'll definitely make a note of it.

#2. Do you have any chatlogs/emails from him? 
I don't have any chatlogs that I know of, and I'm afraid I haven't for quite some time. I seem to recall that I erased pretty much all of them from the computer I had when we were still in contact. Said computer is long since dead (it bit the dust not long after the whole mess began, I think), and since I've had to replace my computer several times since that one died, they're likely lost forever, at least on my end.

As for emails, I do likely have a few of those on some of my older email accounts. I'll do some digging.

#3. Can you shed some more information on his family life? All we are getting is that his Dad is some loser who smoked weed with him when he was 12 and that his mom and Joyce think if they pray enough Nick will stop being a freak rather than seek mental health.
Here's what I've gathered:
His stepdad is (was?), allegedly, physically abusive. This led to an incident where Nick physically assaulted him, which led to him being sent to a psych ward for a bit. (It would be great if that had actually helped, wouldn't it?)
He was homeschooled for several years--I think it was from 6th or 7th grade up until 11th grade, though I'm not sure of the exact years and I might be a bit off. However, it was not an especially hands-on form of homeschooling--he took his classes (if they can be called that) through a computer program (not even online--through an actual program). One thing that stands out about his homeschooling experience is that I distinctly remember him taking a "Bible class", which he frequently complained about.
His mom and aunt (the aforementioned Joyce) are, as I recall, extremely religious. See also: Bible class. If I might speculate a bit, I think some of their fundamentalist beliefs rubbed off on Nick--who, of course, warped them beyond belief, because he's Nick. That might be why he was so obsessed with my "purity" or whatever.
Nick also has a much older relative whom he refers to as Nanny, who I think is his grandmother (not sure on which side) but might be a great-aunt or something. I remember her being far more lenient about most everything than his mom, stepdad, and aunt.
His immediate family (mom, stepdad, aunt) seems to be quite neglectful in general. This might explain some of his physical health problems, as well as his hellish teeth. (He once claimed that his mom only has two teeth left, which I'm guessing was an exaggeration but probably has a grain of truth in it.) You'll notice, if you look at the pic of him and Amber, that the poor girl is in desperate need of braces, which, along with their apparent refusal to do anything about him probably molesting her, seems to indicate that they don't exactly shower her with attention or affection either. (I worry for that kid, I really do.)
I don't know much about his dad, but apparently he is, or at least was, an alcoholic, in addition to a stoner. Nick once claimed that he was conceived because his mom thought having a kid would convince his dad to kick his drinking habit; once again, this may or may not be the case.

#4. Did he ever threaten you?
That's actually a tricky question to answer. He never outright threatened to physically harm me; however, he would threaten to come to my house, and he did send incredibly disturbing death threats to both of my ex-boyfriends, Paul and Jeremy. He also all but threatened to rape Maddi at one point, saying that he'd fuck her whether she wanted it or not. (Please note that Maddi was around fifteen at the time this message was received. Lovely!)

It's worth noting that he did, at one point, talk to someone else (who later notified me) about whether or not it was legal to have sex with someone while they were asleep. While Nick claimed he would ask me for permission first, it's still disturbing and definitely of note.

So basically, while he never explicitly threatened physical harm towards me specifically, I always had the feeling that he would not hesitate to assault me in some way, were we in the same general vicinity, given his interactions with my friends.

RogerRabbit1988: Another tricky question, since he has so very few redeeming qualities. I think I'd have to go with his sheer stupidity. For example, I distinctly remember him assuming that the word "lungs" was singular and that humans only had one lung, and when I corrected him he assumed that one was in front of the other rather than them being side-by-side. To make things even more infuriating, most--if not all--of his ignorance of everything seemed, and still seems, to be willful. He revels in being stupid to an astonishing degree. I like to think I'm pretty intelligent for the most part (albeit not the best judge of character, it would seem!), and I try to surround myself with people who can (for lack of a better term) keep up with what I talk about, so that was (and is) a major turn-off in every way.

I wonder if Earth is evil. 'Cause it keeps killing people with earthquakes and stuff. Or maybe it's punishing PEOPLE for being evil. Hm.

Someone recently told me that autism isn't necessarily hereditary. Is it bad that I'm sad my kids might not be like me and Wife?

My goal plan for my group thing has me taking real shooers. I hate real shooers. I don't think I can keep it up much longer.

Thom is confusing me. I think he forgets that I'm not smart enough to solve riddles and stuff and then I never find oot the answer

I just read that vaginas feel like the rooves of mooths. Hoo do you vagina-likers not get rugburn on your penii?

Anyone else notice the stigma of wearing glasses disappeared COMPLETELY and suspiciously quickly? If only that'd happen for other stigmas

Got a text from Dad that my paternal grandfather died today. I remember when my paternal grandfather-in-law died. My father-in-law was sad.

I wonder what happened in my childhood that made me the way that I am.

eh

Not too much going on but it's been a bit since my last entry, so whatevs. Eh, I've been playing Age of Empires 2 a lot. I used to play it at Dad's years back and decided to get back into it. I suck at it though. I can never beat Moderate difficulty. I dominate at Easiest and Standard though. Then sometimes I set up games where nobody ever wins and just screw aroond for a few hoors. This one time I managed to clear every tree on the map. That was fun. I also learned a bit aboot the middle ages thanks to that History section. I must say, despite having the same name as FF7 and Scrubs characters, I have to retroactively root against the Turks in the battle of Constantinople. Although I guess if the Byzantines won we wouldn't have the hit TMBG single Istanbul (Not Constantinople). Or we still would but it'd have a different title and lyrics. I dunno.

Other stuff is going the same. I've been attending events with my group and working at B-mum's store. She's probably not gonna continue once the lease is up this May. I dunno what I'm gonna do for Internet access after that. I keep trying to talk my aunt into getting me an ISP at home but she won't do it. She keeps trying to talk ME into getting cable though, which is ridiculous. If I had Internet, I could watch shows online as well as do other stuff too. Also I only watch certain shows.

I was looking into getting an accordion. Unfortunately even used ones are still hundreds of dollars but I foond a children's one for like 50 USD and I figure it'd still work. There's only like four buttons but I plan to do like John Linnell and just use the keyboard side anyway, so that's moot.

They Might Be Giants are still awesome

COMPREHENSIVE PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION

NICKALAUS STOUTZENBERGER

MAY 10, 2013



Identifying Information

Birth Date: 09/01/91

Gender: Male

Age: 21 years, 8 months

Race: Caucasian



Community Systems Involved:

TEAMCare Behavioral Health, LLC: Therapist - Tara Tumility; Psychiatrist - Dr. Biever

Community Services Group, Intensive Case Management - Chad Wickenheiser



Reason for Referral

Nick was referred for a comprehensive psychological evaluation by his outpatient therapist, Tara Tumility, to clarify diagnosis and to determine if Nick's demonstrated social weaknesses may be related to cognitive defects, personality factors, and/or a developmental disability.



Relevant Information



Background History



Strengths



Nick is a 21 year, 8 month-old Caucasian male, with self-reported strengths that include an interest in music, writing and drawing. Family strengths include a supportive maternal aunt who provides housing and money management for Nick. She has also arranged for a variety of services for him. These areas of individual and family strengths represent domains that can be further developed for use as a foundation for a strength-based plan.



Family



Nick is presently living alone in an apartment in Columbia, PA which is owned by his maternal aunt, Joyce. He has never married and he has no children. His parents are divorced; his mother is remarried and his father resides with his girlfriend. Both his parents live locally, but Nick reported that he does not see them often. He reported that his mother and step-father will not allow him to come to their house although Nick reported that he does not know what prompted that decision. When he inquired about this to his step-father, Nick indicated that his step-father said, "You know why." Nick reported that he does not like his mother or step-father because "they are very conservative and not very tolerant." He acknowledged that his aunt, Joyce, is his primary social support, but he reported that he does not have a good relationship with her. His main source of conflict with her is that she controls his money and will not allow him discretion with his purchases; specifically she will not allow him to purchase women's clothing for himself. Nick did report that he was in agreement with her being his representative payee because he feels that he would not be capable of managing his own money.



Nick does have a 10-year-old maternal step-sister and he reported that he has a good relationship with her, but he is not allowed to see her without a parent present. He denied any past violence or inappropriate behavior towards her.



Nick lived with his biological parents until they divorced when he was a young child. Nick reported that he does not recall much about his childhood, although his aunt reported that his father was alcoholic, abusive, and unpredictable. His aunt could not recall any specific incidents. Nick remained living with his mother when his parents divorced and after his mother's second marriage. Nick was homeschooled for a period of a couple years in high school. His aunt, Joyce, was his primary instructor. After Nick completed high school, his aunt assisted him in applying for social security disability, helped him to get connected with a mental health case manager, and allowed him to live in an apartment that she owns.



With regard to his living situation, Nick has concerns about his ability to live independently. At one point, his voice became loud and he appeared to be in distress and stated, "Why would these people even think I could live alone?" He reported that he is fearful to leave his house or to answer his door. He acknowledged that his decision-making skills are poor at this time. When asked what he would do if there were a fire on his stovetop, he responded, "I would have to text my aunt." When further prompted, he said maybe he could put something over the fire because he did not think you could throw water on a stove, but at no point did he mention calling 911 or using a fire extinguisher.



In terms of family psychiatric history, his aunt reported that his maternal grandmother was diagnosed with dementia recently and may have previously been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Some extended cousins are reported to have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Family substance abuse is significant in that Nick's father was reportedly an alcoholic and according to Nick, his father also abused marijuana, allowing Nick to smoke with him.



Cultural Considerations



Nick's family composition is Caucasian. There is no report of any adverse impact as a result of cultural factors. There is no report of any negative impact due to environmental factors. Nick reported some concerns with his finances as he is currently receiving Social Security Income. Nick indicated that he does not have a religious affiliatio.



Developmental/Medical



Several attempts were made to reach his mother, Carol Osborne, to obtain developmental and collateral information. His mother could not be reached directly, but she did leave a message reporting that "he has always been a problem." His aunt, Joyce, did not recall any problems during his mother's pregnancy or his delivery. She did not recall that he had any developmental delays and commented that "he was always pretty smart." There is no indication that Nick ever received any early intervention services. By his own report, he was able to read prior to entering kindergarten.



Medically, Nick reported that he does not have a primary care physician. He denied any history of seizures, head trauma, unusual illness, or medical hospitalizations. He is not aware of any allergies to medications or environmental agents. He is not being treated for any medical problems. He did report concern about a chronic cough, but reported that he was told by a physician that it was likely due to allergies. He is presently prescribed Viibryd for anxiety and depression and he also has a PRN prescription for Ativan which he reportedly uses two times per month when he goes grocery shopping. He reported that he takes his medication as prescribed and follows with Dr. Biever, his psychiatrist, on a regular basis.



Trauma History



With regard to trauma, Nick denied any history of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. He denied any history of neglect. Nick's aunt, Joyce, reported that when he was young and his parents were still married and living together, his father would frequently come home intoxicated and would be verbally abusive and destructive to property. His aunt also recalled an incident where Nick's father spanked him at school and "somebody checked into that." Nick's parents divorced sometime during his elementary school years, although he could not recall what age. He continued to live with his mother and visited with his father on a regular basis. Nick has not been involved in any human-made or natural disasters.



School/Vocational



Nick attended Penn Manor School District and paperwork from this district indicated that he was placed in full-time emotional support in 4th grade, although a copy of his psych-educational evaluation is not available for review. His present educational levels during the 2001-2002 school year noted the following: "Nick is usually very quiet in class and at times cooperative in class. He works well in 1:1 situations with staff and in small groups. He receives 48 to 52 points per day on his point sheet (52 possible points). Nick loses the most points in the area of respect and class rules. He continues to exhibit difficulty with peer relationships which is demonstrated by his inappropriate behaviors to peers. Until recently, Nick did not interact with others on the playground and often chose to remain in the classroom during recess. He is unable to accept consequences for his inappropriate actions, and repeatedly states, 'I didn't do anything.' Nick is extremely emotional and takes everything to heart."



His strengths were noted to be superior intelligence, creative talents, visual sequencing, wide vocabulary skills, verbal reasoning skills, abstract reasoning abilities, academic abilities. His needs were described as increase compliance with school rules/expectations, increase appropriate social interaction with peers, specifically to lessen physical aggression toward peers, increase ability to seek help when needed and to develop strategies to deal with anxiety and withdrawal.



There is no other school information available until he returned to Penn Manor High School as a junior. Nick was homeschooled during his 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th grade years. When Nick returned to the public high school, he was enrolled in full-time emotional support. Information from his IEP that year noted, "since enrolling in Penn Manor School District as a junior, Nick has been doing very well academically and behaviorally." Observations indicated that "his teachers describe Nick as quiet, intelligent, and funny. In class, Nick will sit quietly and rarely offer answers or participate in class discussion without teaching prompting." It is also noted that, "Nick needs to improve his social skills. Nick avoids high social areas such as the cafeteria and hallways, even with peer prompting to join. Nick sometimes makes comments or acts in ways that has a tendency to draw negative attention to himself - such as sucking on his hair or moaning for no apparent reason."



Nick reported that when he was younger, he would frequently get into fights with his peers at school. He could not recall if he initiated the fights. When he returned to school as a junior, Nick reported that he spent most of his time sitting at a desk drawing and peers would approach him to talk and/or comment on his drawings. He described these peers as his friends but reported that he never had contact with them outside of school by his choice.



Transition planning indicated that Nick's future goal was "to be a househusband and Nick has given little thought to other options, even with prompting from the teachers and the job trainer."



Nick graduated high school, although he cannot recall the exact year. He thinks it was 2008 or 2009.



Vocationally, Nick has helped his mother at her flea market stand a couple times, but other than this he has no employment history. He is presently receiving social security disability based on his diagnosis of major depression.



Community/Peer Relationships



Nick does not have any peer relationships in the community. He has a strained relationship with his family members. He developed a relationship with some individuals online when he was a teenager. One individual is "Anna" and she has blocked all contact with him, although he continues to make attempts to contact her electronically. Nick firmly believes that he and Anna will eventually marry and he continues to ignore her request to not contact her, and the more recent request of the police, to stop all contact with her. He believes that she resides in California, but stated that he has no plans to go to California to find her "because I would need an escort because I wouldn't know how to go about getting there." He also reported that he will continue to try to contact her, although "I wouldn't commit a major crime to reach her, but probably a misdemeanor." He continues to have frequent contact with a young woman, "Jessa," and Jessa's fiancé, "William." Nick refers to Jessa as his mother, but reported that he does not really like William, but maintains contact with him because of Jessa. Reportedly Jessa is his age. He commented how he had gotten her some coupons for Mother's Day. There is another individual, "Thom" who Nick met online and Nick refers to his as his father.



With regard to intimate relationships, Nick reported that he has never had a girlfriend that he has met in person and he reported that the only girlfriend he has ever had is "Anna", although he has only had electronic communication with her and it is not clear if she ever reciprocated his feelings. Nick has never been sexually active with a female or male and he reported that he regards himself as heterosexual. He reported that he has crossdressed since he has been a teen, but he does not currently have access to women's clothes. He reported that he frequently masturbates and that he feels his sex drive is "more active than most people." He enjoys pornography that involves feces and he reported that he frequently fantasizes about having anal sex, consensually and forcibly with females. He also reported that his sexual fantasies include young girls who "can talk in full sentences and are house-trained, but not yet like real women." He denied that he has ever approached or had any sexual contact with a minor. He admitted that he tried to find female child pornography online in the past, but he was reportedly unsuccessful. When this evaluator told him that this type of activity is illegal, he indicated that he did not understand why that would be.



Nick is not involved in any community activites and reportedly only leaves his apartment to go to appointments and to grocery shop two times monthly. He spends the majority of his time at home alone, communicating with the above individuals electronically. Nick reported that he does not recaqll ever engaging in any community or school activites.



Drug & Alcohol/Legal



In terms of substance abuse history, Nick reported that he used alcohol one time several years ago while with his father. He consumed one "Jell-O shot". Nick reported that he used marijuana approximately 20-30 times with his father when he was a young teen. He reported that he has not used marijuana in at least 4 years. He denied any history of using any other type of substance. He denied any history of abusing prescription or over-the-counter medication and he does not take any herbal supplements.



In the legal sphere, Nick reported that he was arrested twice as a juvenile. His memory of the exact indicents is not clear, but he believes both incidentes may have been related to aggression and/or threats to his mother. He stated that he was on probation for these incidents. He denied any arrests as an adult. He was aware that the police had recently contacted his aunt related to his attempts to contact a female via the Internet, but he reported that "they did not approach me directly." He reported that he has continued to try to contact a female, "Anna", despite her direct request that he not contact her and she has blocked all communication from him.



Service History



Nick received inpatient psychiatric treatment at age 15 for 11 days at Brooke Glen Behavioral Hospital. He was involuntarily committed after he became physically aggressive with his mother. A discharge summary from this facility indicated the following diagnoses: major depression, social phobia, avoidant personality traits. It further stated that, "psychological testing was completed which supports the above diagnoses, it did not support psychosis." During his hospitalization, anti-depressant medication was recommended but "mother did not indicate that she would follow through with this option for aftercare."



Other than school interventions and his current treatment, it appears that Nick's hospitalization represents the extent of his previous formal psychiatric treatment. Nick reported that his mother does not believe in mental illness and, therefore, she did not initiate or support treatment.



Evaluation Procedures



Review of the following records:

Clinical interview with Nick Stoutzenberger

Consult with Tara Tumility and Chad Wickenheiser

Brief phone interview with his maternal aunt, Joyce

Behavioral observations

Wechsler Abbreviated Scale of Intelligence (WASI-II)

Wechsler Individual Achievement Test, Second Edition Abbreviated (WIAT-II)

Thematic Apperception Test (TAT)

Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-2 (MMPI-2)

Delis Kaplan Executive Function System (D-K EFS)



Interview/Test Results



Behavioral Observations



Nick was brought to the appointment by his case manager, who dropped him at the office. Nick is tall and he has a large build. He was dressed casually and appropriately, although he was malodorous. He had a beard and his hair was slightly unkempt. Nick reported that he generally only showers once a week. His eye contact was fleeting and he appeared to try to avoid eye contact, often looking down. His activity level was within normal limits. He was able to initiate and sustain attention for all tasks and his concentration was adequate. He did not require any repetition of directions. He demonstrated good manners, never interrupted and was able to engage in a reciprocal conversation. He answered all questions, at times offering relevant spontaneous information. He was able to complete the entire evaluation in one day, taking a 20 minute break for lunch. After he completed the evaluation, he thanked the evaluator.



Mental Status Exam



In terms of mental status, Nick was alert and was oriented to person, day of the week, month, year, and situation. His affect was constricted. He described his mood as "depressed, scared, and bored." Stream of thought appeared to be organized, relevant, and goal-directed with content of thought focused on providing information as requested and completing the tasks required. His responses were relevant to the questions. Nick did not exhibit any overt indications of an underlying thought disturbance, in the form of auditory or visual hallucinations, and he denied that presence of both, in the present or past. He denied present suicidal ideation. He reported that he has experienced suicidal thoughts in the past, "but I would never do it." Nick reported that he constantly has homicidal ideation toward his mother, step-father, and aunt; however, he stated adamantly that he has no intent to act on these thoughts because "I do not want to go to jail." He indicated that he frequently has "videos" playing in his mind that involve killing his family in multiple ways, indicating that sometimes he is portrayed as a superhero in these "videos." Nick reported that he has been violent with his mother in the past and has left bruises on her. When he was fifteen, he was psychiatrically hospitalized after he assaulted his mother because she would not allow him to use the computer. Nick denied any history of cruelty to animals, vandalism, or fireplay, adding that he is very close to his cat and wondered what life would be like if he could communicate with his cat by speaking "cat language." His insight was fair as he indicated that he has pursued therapy, psychiatric treatment, and psychologcal testing "because I want to know what's wrong with me." His judgment is extremely impaired as he reported that he does not understand why anyone would be concerned with his constant attempts to contact a female that does not want contact as well as his claims that he will certainly marry this female. Additionally, he showed this evaluator, as well as his therapist, conversations that he has had online with others that contain graphic sexual and violent comments and he does not understand why this is considered inappropriate or unusual.



Validity Considerations



The Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-2 (MMPI-2) yielded an invalid profile based on Nick's endorsement of far more symptoms than would be typical even for an individual being treated on an inpatient psychiatric unit. High scores on most scales as evidenced by Nick's profile suggests that an individual may be overly endorsing problems in order to appear pathological or, as likely in Nick's case, it is an indication that an individual is experiencing a myriad of symptoms in several domains, frequently and intensely, and that the symptoms are causing a significant amount of stress and impairment.



Intellectual Functioning



The Wechsler Abbreviated Scale of Intelligence, 2nd Edition (WASI-II) administered in order to assess Nick's cognitive functioning and to obtain and understanding of his level of intellectual functioning. The WASI-II is designed as a screening tool to quickly and accurately estimate an individual's intellectual functioning. Assessment of Nick's present level of cognitive abilities indicates overall intellectual functioning in the superior range (WASI-II IQ = 129). Nick's IQ places him in the 97th percentile, indicating that he did as well or better than 97% of similarly aged individuals. Nick's verbal skills are significantly more developed than his nonverbal skills, although his nonverbal abilties, as evidenced by his performance on the Perceptual Reasoning Index, are solidly within the average range.



WASI-II SUMMARY SCALES (Mean = 100, SD = 15)

Scale - Composite Score - Percentile - Confidence Interval (95%) - Description

Verbal - 143 - 99.8 - 135-147 - Very Superior

Perceptual Reasoning - 108 - 70 - 101-114 - Average

Full Scale (Four subtests) - 129 - 97 - 123-133 - Superior



WASI-II SUBTEST T-SCORES (Mean = 50, SD = 10)

Vocabulary: 77

Similarities: 75

Block Design: 58

Matrix Reasoning: 52



With regard to specific subtests, Nick demonstrated abilities above the norm on all subtests. His best performance was on the Vocabulary subtest, as his score fell well above the norm. This subtest assesses an individual's expressive vocabulary, verbal knowledge, and fund of information. His performance on the Similarities subtest was equally as strong as his performance on the Vocabulary subtest. The Similarities subtest measures abstract verbal reasoning and conceptualization. Nick's performance on the Block Design subtest was above the norm. This subtest measures spatial visualization, visual-motor coordination, and abstract conceptualization. Nick also performed in the average range on the Matrix Reasoning subtest, which measures nonverbal fluid reasoning.



Achievement



In order to assess Nick's level of academic achievement, the Wechsler Individual Achievement Test - Abbreviated, Second Edition (WIAT-II Abr.) was administered. Nick's performance on the Word Reading subtest was in the high average range of scores (SS = 112). He was able to read all the words on the list with the exception of "ethereal" which he slightly mispronounced. His performance on this subtest correlates to a 12.8 grade equivalent. His score on the Numerical Operations subtest was in the average range (SS = 103). This score corresponds to an 11.9 grade level. His performance on the Spelling subtest was in the high average range (SS = 114) and corresponds to a 12.8 grade level.



Neuropsychological Functioning



In order to further measure Nick's executive functioning abilities and his higher level cognitive skills, various tests were administered to obtain a clearer picture of his strengths and weaknesses in these areas. The Delis-Kaplan Exsecutive Functioning System (D-KEFS) is a measure of high order cognitive, executive functioning. The subtests were designed to assess complex multifactorial domains of cognition in a comprehensive manner. The D-KEFS subtests administered include Trail Making, Verbal Fluency, Sorting Test, Twenty Questions, and Proverb Test.



Trail Making Test - Scaled Score - Classification

Visual Scanning - 12 - At Expected Level

Number Sequencing - 13 - Above Expected Level

Letter Sequencing - 12 - At Expected Level

Number-Letter Switching - 11 - At Expected Level

Motor Speed - 13 - Above Expected Level



Nick's performance on Trail Making, which involved visual cancellation and connecting circles tasks, demonstrated average to above average abilities in cognitive flexibility, a classic executive function that is essential for higher-level skills such as mulititasking, simultaneous processing, and divided attention. His motor speed was faster than would be expected and his ability to visually scan information was at the expected level. His ability to sequence numbers was above the expected level and his ability to sequence letters was average. His ability to shift between numbers and letters, requiring cognitive flexibility and divided attention, is in the average range.



Verbal Fluency - Scaled Score - Classification

Letter Fluency - 7 - Borderline

Category Fluency - 7 - Borderline

Category Switch - 8 - At Expected Level

Category Switching Accuracy - 9 - At Expected Level



The Verbal Fluency Test requires word generation based on letter and category, with a switching task also presented. Nick's ability to generate words starting with a specific letter is slightly below what would be expected. He appeared to be anxious during this task and some of the words were associated with sexual activity such as "fornication" and "syphilis." His ability to generate words that fit into a specific category is slightly below the expected level; however, his ability to cognitive shift between categories is at the expected level with his accuracy on this task at the expected level as well.



Sorting Test - Scaled Score - Classification

Confirmed Correct Sorts - 14 - Above Expected Level

Free Sorting Description - 15 - Above Expected Level

Sort Recognition - 16 - Well Above Expected Level



On the Sorting Test which measures concept-formation and verbal and nonverbal problem solving abilities, Nick performed in the range above what would be expected for an individual his age. His performance on this measure suggests that his ability to think abstractly and solve problems is very well developed.



Twenty Questions - Scaled Score - Classification

Initial Abstraction Score - 9 - At Expected Level

Total Questions Asked - 13 - Above Expected Level

Total Weighted Achievement - 19 - Well Above Expected Level



The Twenty Questions Test measures abstract thinking and problem solving strategies. The executive functions assesed include the perception of various categories and subcategories represented; the ability to formulate dichtomous questions, and incorporate feedback to formulate more efficient questions. Nick was shown a page of various common items and objects and he has to ask yes/no questions to determine the target object. The goal was to ask as few questions as possible in order to identify the target object. Nick's performance on this measure is consistent with his performance on all other measures of abstract thinking and problem solving, suggesting that these higher level thinking skills are very well developed in this young man.



The Proverb Test evaluates the abstract interpretation, understanding of word meanings, as well as abstract principles and concepts. Nick's ability to verbally describe proverbs was in the expected range and when provided with a proverb and multiple choice answers, he correctly answered 100% of the questions.



Emotional and Behavioral Functioning



While Nick's cognitive, achievement, and higher level executive functioning abilities are impressive, his emotional and behavioral functioning is concerning. In the clinical interview, Nick reported that he has "videos" playing in his head where he is able to view himself killing his mother, step-father and aunt in various ways. He reported that at times it is him in his natural state killing them and other times, he becomes a superhero with superpowers and kills them. Nick casually described how he feels they deserve to die because they are very conservative and not tolerant of other races and homosexuals. He stated that they don't like him because he likes sex, violence, and cursing. Nick clearly stated that he has no intent to kill his family, "because I don't want to go to jail," but he further stated that if no laws prohibited murder, he is sure he would do it.



Nick also reported having sexual fantasies that involve him having anal sex with women and young girls. He reported that his fantasies include both rape and consensual sex. His sexual fantasies involve feces as he reported that he becomes sexually aroused by fantasizing about women defecating and that he has used feces when he masturbates. He does frequently view pornographic tapes that involve the above, although he reported he has not been able to access child pornography. He stated that he has never been sexually intimate with anyone. His only sexual encounter was around the age of thirteen when he and a female teen cousin touched each other and this was reported to be consensual. Nick shared his journals with this evaluator which included numerous writings about sex and violence. He had written about being angry with his aunt and described how he would like to anally rape her. He reported that he does not necessarily fantasize about his aunt and that he wrote that statement out of anger. At one point, he wrote how something was falling from the sky and he thought it was semen, but later realized that it was rain. On the MMPI-2, Nick's responses on the Schizophrenia scale were quite high (T = 112). Specifically, his high score on the social alienation subscale (T = 105) suggests that he perceives that he is mistreated and misunderstood. His emotional alienation score (T = 98) indicated that he has a significant amount of fears, depression, and apathy. Additionally, the high T scores on the Lack of Ego Mastery, Cognitive (T = 90) and Conative (T = 92) scales are consistent with someone who fears losing control, feels as though life is unreal and likely responds to stress by retreating into a fantasy world. His responses on the Thematic Apperception Test (TAT) suggested some problems with reality orientation. He described one picture as a house in a snowstorm with "eyes" in the background "that's like a ghost or something." On another card, he saw a figure in the background and stated, "that's like a dog wearing a hood" but later added that he did not know why a dog would be walking upright, wearing a hooded jacket.



With regard to his impulse control, Nick reported that he feels he can control his impulses but attributed part of that to his fear to leave his home. He did state that he has some concerns about decreasing his social anxiety because "If I'm cured and go out, I fear what I would do." While Nick's explosive anger score is elevated (T = 71) his score on the inhibition of aggression score is average (T = 48), which supports Nick's assertion that at the present time he is successfully controlling his angry impulses.



Nick described a significant level of social anxiety, which he has experienced for several years. He reported that he did not want to go to school and that is why he was homeschooled from 7th to 10th grade. When he did return to public school, he reported that his attendance was good, but he did not like to leave the classroom. He reported that he does not like to be in the community because he is worried about being harmed or shot. He does not feel safe in his home, "I'm afraid of everything, I feel like I can't defend myself and I don't know what I would do if someone broke in." He also reported that he does not like to take showers because he becomes increasingly fearful during this task. He reported that he has difficulty talking to others in the community and that he has signigicant problems making decisions, "I have trouble placing an order at McDonald's." Nick was able to describe appropriate social behavior and described being socially avoidant because he becomes so anxious around others that he cannot function or communicate. He indicated that he is aware that some of his anxiety resolves around his fear of what he may do to others if he cannot control his impulses. Nick's overall score on the paranoia scale on the MMPI-2 was extremely elevated (T = 101) with responses that corresponded to a signigicant amount of persecutory ideas (T = 112). His responses on the TAT also include some persecutory ideation. He described story about a picture with a young boy and broken violin as "it's broken at the neck; someone probably did it on purpose." Another card showed a little boy sitting alone and he described the boy as "upset" and that "maybe his parents punished him and he's in trouble." Another picture he described as "a bunch of dudes huddled together for safety or warmth" noting that one man is "probably the watch, they probably sleep in shifts."



With regard to his mood, Nick stated that he is generally depressed. He often feels hopeless, but indicated there are times when he is hopeful; mainly when he fantasizes about "Anna." He described feeling worthless, "I'm not really good at anything, I can't contribute to society." He indicated that he never cries, "but I feel like I need to, I just don't." His personal hygiene is very poor, he showers once per week with prompting and does not attend to his personal care consistently. He described his sleep as "random" but indicated that he is working on trying to establish better sleep habits by going to bed at 10 or 11 and then he typically sleeps until 9 AM. He reported that his appetite is good. He denied present suicidal ideation, but noted that he has had these thoughts in the past, but has never made a suicide attempt. Nick's score on the MMPI-2 depression scale is elevated (T = 91) with elevated scores on scales that assess subjection depression, psychomotor retardation, physical symptoms, mental dullness, and brooding. Nick has previously been diagnosed with major depression and he is currently being treated for anxiety and depression with therapy and medication.



Discussion



One of the purposes of this evaluation was to assess Nick's cognitive functioning as he demonstrates extremely poor judgment and decision making skills and his adaptive functioning is marginal. However, Nick's intellectual ability is in the superior range, with very superior verbal skills. His verbal skills are significantly more developed than his nonverbal skills; which is sometimes the case in individuals with Asperger's disorder; however, Nick does not demonstrate any deficiencies in academic achievement as if often co-morbid in inidividuals with Asperger's disorder, nor does he show any deficits in his higher level thinking skills. Quite the contrary, Nick demonstrated well developed abstract thinking, problem solving, cognitive flexibility, and the ability to sustain divided attention. Typically, individuals with Asperger's disorder demonstrate areas of relative weakness in some areas of higher level thinking.



Although limited past information was available for review, the information from his school and from his inpatient stay at age 15, does not mention any consideration of a diagnosis of Asperger's disorder and reported his problems with socialization to be primarily related to his social avoidance and social phobic behaviors. Presently, Nick demonstrates a marked fear of all social situations because he feels he does not know how to communicate and behave in these situations. When he is required to attend certain places, such as the grocery store, he reported that he needs to take Ativan to avoid a panic attack. Nick understands that his anxiety is well beyond what is typical and acknowledged that he is in no more danger than anyone else. His anxiety has significantly negatively impacted his ability to function in all domains including social, occupational, academic and interpersonal. Based on these symptoms that have been present for several years, a diagnosis of social phobia will be assigned.



Nick has demonstrated a pervasive pattern of social interpersonal deficits evidenced by his extreme discomfort with social interactions and his inability to develop close relationships. In addition, he also has cognitive distortions. He believes his family should be murdered because of his perception that they are "too conservative." He continues to be obsessed with a female, "Anna" that he met on the Internet and firmly believes she will be his wife despite her consistent refusal to have contact with him and police involvement. The relationships that he has developed on the Internet, based on his journal writings and the dialogue, appear to revolve around his expression of sexual and violent desires. These relationships seem to have a surreal quality to them as he described one female as his mother and another individual as his father and looks to them for parental advice. He demonstrates obsessive ruminations with explicit sexual and aggressive content and does not seem to understand that this is atypical, especially his focus on discussing his intense dislike for vaginas. His speech, although well developed, can be circumstantial and odd as when he described young girls as "being house-trained and able to speak in complete sentences." His affect is constricted and he demonstrates little to no emotion, he lacks close friends, and his social anxiety is pervasive and seems to be more associated with fears of being harmed rather than on negative judgments about himself. Based on records from the school and his previous hospitalization, as well as his report and his aunt's collateral information, these behaviors have been longstanding and likely represent a maladaptive personality disorganization. Based on these symptoms, Nick meets criteria for schizotypal personality disorder. While some of his behaviors are consistent with avoidant personality disorder, his social anxiety does not primarily seem to be the result of the fear of rejection. Additionally, his cognitive distortions and odd beliefs are more consistent with a schizotypal personality organization.



While Nick reported that his "friends" from the Internet have suggested to him that he has Asperger's disorder and he also feels this may be the case, there is limited historical information to support this diagnosis. Additionally, his performance on tests of higher level thinking skills indicated that his abstract reasoning, problem solving skills, and cognitive flexibility are very well developed, which is not typical. His problems with socialization appear to be more related to social anxiety and fears, rather than an inability to understand social cues or a lack of understanding about appropriate social behavior.



Nick has previously been diagnosed with major depression and he clearly meets criteria for this disorder at this time. He described that he has a pervasive depressed mood and finds little enjoyment in any activities. His functioning in all domains is impaired and he has great difficulty making simple decisions. His self-care is marginal, although he understands what activities of daily living should be completed, knows how to do them, and can functionally perform these tasks; he does not. He feels hopeless and worthless most of the time and has little motivation and energy. It appears that he has had several episodes of depression since at least his teen years, with few periods of remission. He reported that he feels little benefit from the medication.



With regard to his perported sexual arousal related to touching or viewing feces, he will be given a diagnosis of paraphilia, specifically coprophilia. While Nick describes wearing female clothes, it is not clear that this is related to sexual arousal as he described he specifically likes female clothes because they are "smooth and soft," and did not relate the activity to sexual arousal. While he has violent sexual fantasies and fantasizes about sexual activity with young girls, he denied that he has ever acted on these impulses.



Diagnosis



Axis I: 300.23 Social phobia

296.33 Major depression, recurrent, severe without psychotic features

302.9 Paraphilia not otherwise specified, coprophilia



Axis II: 301.22 schizotypal personality disorder



Axis III: none reported



Axis IV: Psychosocial stressors: problems with primary supports; occupational problems; other psychosocial and environmental problems



Axis V: Current GAF: 30

Highest GAF in the past year: 30



Recommendations



1. Nick is an individual who is suffering from several depressive symptoms that appear to be minimally responsive to medication and therapy at this time. In addition, Nick appears to have significant problems with cognitive distortions and his orientation to reality is tenuous. It is likely that his social isolation, which allows him to spend most of his day fantasizing, is contributing to his overall impairment. While Nick has not acted on any of his impulses, based on the level of specific violent details involved in his fantasies and his grossly impaired judgment, it is strongly recommended that Nick be referred to a partial hospitalization program where he can be supervised and treated on a daily basis. This type of environment will also be able to provide him with a safe environment with structure to work on decreasing his anxiety related to interpersonal contact. If Nick is unwilling to attend a partial hospitalization program, his status should be monitored frequently by his intensive case manager to determine if inpatient treatment may be necessary.



2. With regard to his violent sexual fantasies that involve both adults and minors, it is recommended that a comprehensive psycho-sexual evaluation be conducted as soon as possible. It is recommended that a residential treatment center be considered due to the violent nature of his thoughts.



3. With regard to his housing situation, Nick has questioned his ability to live independently. Presently, his judgment and decision making abilities are impaired and it is questionable whether he would be able to function appropriately if faced with an emergency in his home. Based on this, it is recommended that a residential program be considered.

January 7th, 2012

The following was written during the several months I wasn't able to go to Dad's, so a lot of it's really outdated and compared to more recent happenings, too unimportant to post. But I'd hate to waste a thing it took me that long to write, so here it is anyway.
The following was written during the several months I wasn't able to go to Dad's, so a lot of it's really outdated and compared to more recent happenings, too unimportant to post. But I'd hate to waste a thing it took me that long to write, so here it is anyway.

'Sup gais?! So, last time my stay at Dad's went p well. I knocked the big stuff of my to-do list, which was mainly putting my newest List of Canonical Favourite Recording Artists addition (Joanna Newsom. I know, what with almost every other artist on the list being alt-rock, it doesn't make sense for me to like an indie-folk artist. Yeah well, I don't go by genres, I go by artists. For example, Last.fm is always telling me to listen to stuff that's similar to TMBG but turns out I don't like things similar to TMBG. Just TMBG themselves. I can't even recognize genres anyway. Dunno why. I don't get most of music theory. Keys, octaves, time signatures, rhythm. It's all Greek to me. But I digress.) on my iPod and uploading stuff I made. I also achieved a major win when I got one of Anna N's friends to admit one of the details of The Thing was a lie. Unfortunately, she only came clean aboot that one specific detail and not The Thing as a whole yet. Yet. It'll come oot eventually.
I also helped Dad disassemble a pool a little bit each day. Apparently the purpose of it is to take the aluminum to the recycling place and get paid or something. The whole thing was a real chore. Pretty much 90% of it was taking a drill and getting all the screws out. After that, we just smashed it apart with a sledgehammer. The sledgehammering was actually pretty fun. Due to my larping, I'm pretty decent at swinging motions. Actually, Dad mentioned that I'm pretty strong, but I think it really depends on what I'm doing. Like, even though I have really forceful swings, I'm not great at lifting stuff, or holding boards down while someone else saws/hammers nails in, or anything else that requires strength. Just swinging. Maybe punching too, but I've never really tried punching anything other than the air. All I know is, I keep throwing my back out holding my cats, so I'm preeeetty sure it's just swinging. Plus, I made ki flames, so that amplified my strength and agility higher than the default values. Also I jumped during the up-swings to gain more force, so... kinda cheated a lot.
So back at the not-Internet abode, I started watching a couple new shows mainly due to hype in the news and/or networks I was already watching acquiring rights to air them in syndication. They actually turned oot to be p okay so I continued watching them. Nothing else to do, ya know? Unfortunately, TV-watching is a very hectic hobby to figure out, because A) a lot of things overlap eachother, causing me to have to make choices, and B) most everything's on from 7 PM until 6 AM with few (if any) breaks between shows, so I don't have much time left over to do other stuff. I really dug my own grave this time. I should probably stop trying new things. Also, please note that the shows haven't been added to my List of Obsessions. They're pretty much just regular interests, like normal people have. Unlike things that are Obsessions, it's not a big deal if I miss an airing or two. I don't even really keep up with new episodes either. Well, I kinda do, but if I'm doing something else at the time then I forsake it and continue whatever I'm doing. TV is more of a thing to do when there ain't nothin' else to do. I dunno. It's complicated; I can't really explain. You non-aspies probably understand it anyway. (Can I call myself an aspie without actually being diagnosed? Everyone knows I am one...)

The current season of The Office has got me to thinking aboot some things. The first thing being Dwight's assistant (I forget his name... isn't it something like "Nate"?) keeps saying odd things that apply to me, and I'm wondering if maybe they're more symptoms of autism and/or Asperger's or something. Like, okay, the first time I took notice was during the "Lotto" episode when he said something aboot when there's a lot of noise going on at the same time, he can't hear very well. I took notice of this because, as I said in the Wildwood entry, I have this same problem-- even though my actual ears are fine AFAIK, when there's a lot of different sounds going on at the same time I have trouble making out any specific one. Like, in high school, on the bus rides I talked to the kid who sat behind me, but half the time I couldn't make out what he was saying because there's also the sound of the engine, other kids talking, etc. It wasn't a matter of volume, just... a lot of different sounds going on at once. It also affects my ability to hear all the instruments in music. I can only "zoom in" on one instrument at a time. But anyway yeah, I shrugged it off at first but then that dude said another thing that caught my attention in a later episode. The Christmas one, to be exact. When Val made a joke aboot the people in the office being "popsicles", whats-his-name misinterpreted it to mean that they're so rich they can afford to eat popsicles a lot, when really it means they have metaphorical sticks up their butts. But yeah, I misinterpet a lot of things in the same way. When I hear a new phrase, my brain instantly comes up with a complex explanation/definition that makes perfect sense to me, but then later when I actually look it up it turns out it really means something a lot simpler than what I assumed it meant. I don't know how to explain this. I can't think of any examples right now but it happens to me a lot. Anyway, between that and the hearing thing, I wonder if they're symptoms of something? I do often discover that a lot of my characteristics are Asperger's symptoms when prior to my research I never really gave them any thought. Like, I just kinda accept that they're normal things. But then WHAM, a trip to the Internet reveals it's an Asperger's symptom. Like, really often. Every time I go to Dad's, pretty much.

Another whimsical thing I noticed on The Office is that Robert California seems to be obsessed with Sesame Street. Last season finale he mentioned he learned aboot paper from the show, then on "The List" he randomly talks to Jim aboot Sesame Street again for no apparent reason, and then at Halloween we find out his son's name is Bert. I suppose it's a bit of a stretch (I do tend to jump to wild conclusions when it comes to shows... especially Bonus Stage), but I hope not. I hope it's an actual running gag/part of his character. The mental image of such an intimidating dude like that watching Sesame Street religiously amuses me greatly. Someone should tell Scootle aboot this. He'd probably be amused by it too. He also seemed to like my theory aboot David Wallace being the Scranton Strangler, because he RT'd it. Unless he meant it like how most people RT me when I say something unintentionally hilarious.

I've been on a baking spree lately. First was chocolate chip cookies, then a chocolate chip cake for a costume party (which Joyce finally bought me a fedora for!), and then Nanny found this recipe book she apparently had lying around for years but never noticed before. I made these "mocha drops" from it, which turned out alright. Almost learned how to marble things and also what "folding" means. Also, fudge and then more chocolate chip cookies, and then biscotti, then sugar cookies (Joyce blackmailed me into that one with McDonald's), then "cake in a mug", then brownies, then cake in a mug again, then even more chocolate chip cookies. Most of this stuff was fairly new to me; I usually just make chocolate chip cookies. So naturally mistakes were made. The fudge was completely ruined, as it turns out there's two different kinds of sugar and, not realizing this, I used the wrong kind. I used granulated when it was supposed to be confectioner's. I'm assuming confectioner's sugar has a much more subtle taste than granulated because the result basically tastes like eating a spoonful of straight-up sugar. Which I do sometimes. I also have difficulty marbling, so the mocha drops and biscotti looked weird. I don't think it affected the taste though. P much just aesthetic. I also misinterpreted the directions for the cake and ended up mixing together things that were supposed to be layered. I guess it didn't matter. Everyone liked it. You know what this means, right? I can cook for my wife and kids someday! ^_^ Also, apparently Nanny doesn't know what a mug is. The "cake in a mug", as the name suggests, was this tiny tiny cake you make in a coffee mug. I got out a mug and Nanny started yelling at me, saying that's a cup, not a mug. Then she pulls out this huge bowl that has a handle (and that I use for cans of soup too large to fit in your average bowl) and she said that was a mug. I ignored her stupidity and used the actual mug. When it obviously turned out fine, I rubbed it in her face. Fun day.

I had a terrible day on November first. I went to the mall to get the new TMBG rarities collection, but everything went wrong all at once. Joyce still hadn't given me the rest of the money she owed me for painting her garage a few months back, so I could p much only afford TMBG and one other CD. Or so I thought. We got groceries right before heading to the mall, but Joyce didn't have enough for everything, so she borrowed twelve bucks from me. So now I was down to just TMBG. OR SO I THOUGHT. Upon getting to the mall and searching both the "new releases" section and TMBG's section, it dawned on me that once again, a release date had been pushed back (Shh, I know, I'll get to it later) and I had to find out the hard way due to my lack of Internet access. Join Us all over again... So then I looked around at other recording artists I liked. I found four things that picqued my interest. I mean, there was a lot more than four things I still need, but these ones in particular were prioritized because I assume they won't be there for very long-- the store I go to has a really random selection of displayed items.

While looking at Beatles stuff I saw a bizarre collection I've never heard of before, of stuff they did with Tony Sheridan back before their first album. I was p much like "yeah man, gettin' this" but I figured I'd look around more and see if there was anything else I wanted even more. Then I found out they remastered Nevermind (just like they did with Bleach not long ago!) and rereleased it with a bonus disc of b-sides and stuff. Sadly, I didn't have the money for it. I also noticed there was a Joanna Newsom section, which surprised the crap out of me. They lack a few of my favourite artists, including Jack Off Jill who I'm p sure was fairly famous, so I didn't think they'd have her either. But they did. All they had was Have One on Me, though. Which I couldn't afford either, because, you know, three discs. I should probably get it next time I have money before it goes the way of TheSTART-- they had one of their CDs one time and then never again. Also of much confusion was that she was in the pop/rock aisles. The last thing I stumbled upon was the three-disc version of A Best of Us...for the Rest of Us by Reel Big Fish. Unlike Have One on Me, this was p cheap because it was on sale for some reason. Three discs for eleven bucks? Hells yeah, I thought. I assume it's probably limited edition, too, so yeah. So I got it. But next time I have money I'm gonna try to get those other three. They probably won't have them anymore though. Like I said, they always have a weird selection that changes each time I go there.
I had an interesting dream the one night. The vast majority of my dreams are interesting, especially the ones with my recurring locations/characters/events in them, but yeah. For some reason, there was some sort of gathering at my biological mum's place and in addition to her relatives were Thom, Anna, Jerkemy, and Anna's parents. Apparently my social phobia doesn't exist in the Dream World, because I was being very vocal aboot my hatred of Anna's stupid boyfriend. I was making quite a scene, actually. Probably ruining everyone's good times. Think Michael Scott at literally every party shown on The Office. At one point I just started crying and grabbed Thom for a consolation hug. Oddly enough, he obliged. Even odder though was that he was wearing a tux. Probably because I've been drawing him like that lately. No idea why. But anyway, what I took from the dream was maybe I should just not try and cure my social phobia at all. I mean, if I'll just be a dick anyway, maybe it's best for everyone if I just never talk to anyone. Sidenote, I noticed my condition is kind of like Raj from The Big Bang Theory's. Except, you know, not limited to just females. Maybe I should be drunk all the time too.

Once I got more phone minutes I immediately used ten of them to load up the TMBW page on Album Raises New and Troubling Questions to find out what happened with it. Turns out it was never meant to be released in stores; it's a digital download with a limited supply of CDs available on their website. AAAUGH another digital-only release. >< I hate when they do that, because A) I have very sparse periods of Internet access, B) they always use mp3 format, so there's quality loss, C) I just plain like having physical things, and D) I don't have a bank account or credit cards or anything. Also apparently the CD is only there for a limited time. Well, I guess it's not as bad as Almanac, which never had a physical release at all. Also, The Spine Hits the Road. And the original Venue Songs. And every live show ever. Except for Live!! New York City 10/14/94. But I digress. Luckily Joyce had a couple more painting jobs for me to do and I managed to get paid and ask my b-mum to preorder it for me. It came with a free mp3 download, so I listened to it even before the CD arrived. It's pretty great. I tried listing my favourite tracks from it but it ended up being pretty much all of them. Mixed feelings aboot Havalina being on it. It's a great song and I think TMBG did the original justice p well (I listen to the Pixies, so) and I'm glad it's a lot more accessible now, but... I dunno man, I already had Dig for Fire: A Tribute to Pixies and I was hoping to let Anna listen to the track and she'd be all "OMG THIS IS AWESOME HOW DID YOU EVEN GET THIS", 'cause, like, as thorough as she is when it comes to TMBG, I don't think she collects the various artists compilations like I do. Well, I dunno, hopefully I still have other rare finds to show her, like... I have the 1985 Demo Tape, Wiggle Diskette, all the commercial singles/EPs and a couple inconsistent promotional ones, a few Dial-a-Song demos, bootlegs, etc.... I mean yeah, mp3 format, but she doesn't mind sound quality. Sometimes we're so different... Heh.

Maddi kinda really screwed me over again. Apparently she made another Nick thread on /cwc/ and this time it got me an ED article. So now that I've been brought to pretty much the entire Internet's attention I've had trolls harrassing the crap out of me on Twitter and stuff. Not really sure what to do aboot it. I hate to argue with them, because that's what they want-- to read the stuff I say and lol at my sperginess, but really once you're dox'd you're basically fucked. If you ignore them, they make fun of you. If you talk to them, they make fun of you. It's lose-lose. Jessa claims they got a lawyer to ban me from California, but... come on, man. Come on. A) I would have been notified somehow, B) they're not gonna do that without giving me a trial or whatever to defend myself (epsecially since I haven't even done anything), and C) p sure that'd be outside the powers of a lawyer anyway. I don't know why they keep coming up with all these ridiculous things. Also Jerkemy picked a fight with me for a few days. Turns out he really is a jerk. Like, big-time. Not even just in the argument; he kept responding to all my regular tweets that weren't even aimed at him (like aboot when I messed up baking the fudge and stuff) and kept throwing insults at me like, constantly, for no reason whatsoever. Also apparently he's a troll because he posted the whole thing on /cwc/. I don't know why Anna would date a douche like that. Especially a troll.

So yeah Maddi kinda ruined my pre-life and possibly part of my future actual life too. Why does she keep doing this? Well... not much I can do at the moment but keep working on Anna. Maybe when I turn out to be the only one right out of hundred of thousands, they'll shut the hell up aboot me being crazy and stuff. But anyway, even though it should go withoot saying, I'mma go ahead and say it anyway, in case it isn't: if you read my ED article or hear stuff floating aroond aboot me online, it's not true. I mean, there's some truth in there, but... you know how trolls roll. It's all twisted into insults/slander/libel. Like, obviously the situation with Anna exists, but I'm not a stalker or whatever. And obviously I never molested any children. Et cetera, et cetera. Hey Maddi, can you like, stop posting our DMs on /cwc/ and stuff? You said you regretted posting that first thread, but then, like, you did it again. And then continued to do so. Even more. It's kind of irritating and is screwing me over pretty majorly because as I said, my dumb b-family keeps thinking I did something to initiate trolls calling them and then they yell at me and stuff. I still platonically love you though, *hug*.

So in summation... did things online that most people would find mundane but not me because Asperger's, destroyed a pool, watched TV, apparently I enjoy baking, had a sorta psychic-ish dream, digital downloads upset me greatly, and oh yeah I have trolls on my ass (figuratively speaking). I have the boringest pre-life. When can my actual life start?

PART ONE: HOME LIFE

'Sup gais. So, okay, I typed up three different LJ entry drafts during the month I've been offline. I'mma post them all in a three-part series entitled "Stuff That Happened During the Month I've Been Online: The Trilogy". Part One: "Home Life", Part Two: "More Emo Whining", Part Three: "'Join Us' Review". This is part one. LJ Cut time! Note that paragraph four (this one here, outside of the Cut, is included in that count) is disturbing. Skip that one if you don't want to hear aboot weird fetishes. I'm considering using that disclaimer from now on. Y'know, in light of the *chan thing. I dunno though, seems like a pain to have to do it every time I post disturbing things. Because I post a lot of disturbing things. But uh, LJ Cut time!

So, the main part of Part One: "Home Life" is that I went to Wildwood, New Jersey for a day. But we'll get to that. Let's blow through the small things first. AO, Steve, Dad and Macen all had birthdays. I attended AO's and Steve's. I missed Dad's and Macen's because I don't pay attention to what the date is. Not that it would have mattered anyway; I wasn't at Dad's and I don't know where Macen's been the past few years. Both occurred on July 4th. Yes, I missed Independence Day too. I don't see the point in that holiday. You don't see other countries showing off what date they were founded. Also I really really hate fireworks. They're loud, abrupt noises and, just like toast, practical jokes and horror movies, they scare the shit out of me even when I know they're coming.
I caught two shiny Pokemon in Ruby Version. First Doduo in the Safari Zone and then, the next day, Oddish underneath the cycling path. Also I got Pokerus twice. Neither one is really a big deal for me. I've gotten shinies and Pokerus buttloads of times. I've had shiny Graveler, Whismur, Kecleon, and Shuppet among others I've forgotten, but really shinies don't serve any special purpose besides bragging to your friends that you did something that there's only a 1 in 8192 chance of. Shinies aren't stronger than regular-coloureds or anything. In fact, in Gen 2, shinies were actually weaker than normally-coloured Pokeymans because back then shininess was determined by IVs. Certain IVs had to all be set to 10 for them to be shiny, so if you wanted a shiny, you couldn't max out those stats. PS I recently typed up a new thing aboot EVs, IVs, egg moves, etc. I can upload it somewhere if anyone wants me to.

Okay, this is the disturbing paragraph. Here we go: I got my little flashlight thing stuck up my butt. Normally I leave the tip sticking out so I can grab it and pull it out when I'm done, but on this particular occasion I forgot it was in there. I clenched and accidentally sucked it the whole way up. I tried to get it oot for aboot an hoor (aah, that one's kinda confusing), to no avail. So, I had to call Joyce. She came over and got it out for me. Then she took it from me. So now I have no idea what to use as a butt plug. It would be really great if I had a real one, especially because they're designed so this exact thing can never happen, but I can't go shopping without an escort, and my b-family's all... y'know, bigoted against assplay and stuff. Every time I sing aboot having anal with my wife they yell at me. It's ridiculous. Anyway, ever since, my rectum's been all messed up. Feels like there's a couple little spots where maybe the flashlight's on/off switch tore the wall or something? Because they hurt when I try and stick something up there. I certainly hope that whatever the blazes it is, it goes away because I couldn't imagine life without things in my butt. I've tried asking my b-family what to do aboot it, but they don't answer. They're always just like "Well its your own dumb fault for putting something in there". So that's nice, I have yet another legitimate medical concern and no way to get help for it. Let's hope I never have a heart attack around these jerks or I'm going to die. Plus, this is probably going to hurt my "there's nothing wrong with anal" arguments because now they're going to bring this incident up every time. Fuck.

For the love of God, someone please get me away from my b-family and into a new home with cool people. Preferably people who have fast Internet and whom will let me use it as much as I want with no time limit or any other kind of rules like "no porn" or "no downloading stuff" or whatever. Do they have that in orphanages? Because if they do, I would really much rather be in an orphanage than live with my b-family. Hey, ask Jessa if she'll reconsider adopting me. She said no a few times but maybe someday she'll change her mind. After all, I'm known as The Mind-Changer. Well, no I'm not. But still, I have and will continue to change minds. And clothes. Man, I need new clothes. Better clothes. Maybe a shirt that says "Hug Me". Do you think people really do hug people who wear shirts like that? Probably not. I'd assume they wouldn't risk it, in case the shirt is just a joke. You know, like the "Duck me, I'm frunk" shirts. I don't think that shirt would really get anyone laid. I really do want hugs though. I need a shirt that's more clear that I really do want hugs. Someday I hope to hug Maddi, Jessa and both Annas. Several times. Per hour. Not sure if I wanna hug males. Idk, I'm not really a male-friend kind of guy. I mean, I have some male friends, but I dunno if I'd hug them. Have I ever e-hugged Simon? He likes hugs. I dunno, I can't remember. I should try sometime and see how that feels. If he still likes me, that is. I dunno if he does. It's been a while since I've last spoken to him. I'm terrible at coming up with topics. I don't usually initiate IMs with people. I let them initiate IMs with me. Except for when something came up that I know I can use as a topic with someone. Like, I IM Thom constantly because there's constantly a thing I can use as a topic with him. He's probably annoyed that I IM him too much. Especially when he's busy. He seems to be busy a lot. I wonder if he ever just pretends to be busy so he doesn't have to talk to me...? Hm... Well, in any case, when The Thing is over I'll slow down with the IMs. Oh, but wait, what if he thinks I've lost interest in talking to him? It's lose-lose... Crap... OH! Speaking of crap, I had to do a bunch of painting for Joyce.
The main goal was to raise the money in time to get Join Us when it came out. I mean, I realize one CD is only like twenty bucks, but I don't get to go shopping very often and when I do, I want to be able to get more than just one or two things. Not only that, but there's the issue of phone minutes too. Since you get more value for more expensive cards, the smartest thing to do is buy the most expensive one, the $80 one, so you save long-term. Unfortunately I can never raise another $80 by the time the previous card runs out, so I usually have to buy the cheapest ($20) card, which causes me gargantuan long-term loss. Plus it only lasts me less than a week. And then I can't raise another $20 before those couple days ends. So then I have to go weeks at a time with no contact with my friends. And I need contact with my friends so we can work out what to do aboot The Situation That's Been Going on These Past Couple Years. And every second we're not working to prevent Bad Things, there's a chance Bad Things could happen. I'm assured that prevention is occurring even without me, but I often realize something new that I need to check and make sure is covered by The Plan. It usually is, but you never know. So as you can probably see, my life is very stressful. Now I really need to stop trailing off Coffee-Crew-style and get back to the painting thing. What is wrong with me today? Seriously, this isn't one of those Nick-Is-Intentionally-Trying-to-Be-Like-a-TV-Show-Character-Because-He-Hates-Himself-and-Would-Rather-Be-Like-Them things; my mind keeps on wandering off to other stuff. Is that a symptom of ADD, d'you think? Because I was diagnosed with that back when I went to a psychiatrist. Sucks my b-family didn't want to keep paying the $20 for it; I really need a psychologist. Badly. I'd like to get the austism, Asperger's, OCD, etc. diagnosed so people stop disbelieving me when I say I have 'em. Geez, it should be pretty obvious I have a lot more than just clinical depression and ADD. Plus maybe they'd have tips for handling The Thing.

...Wait. Trailing off again. GOD, NICK, STOP IT. AARGH. PAINTING.
SO YES, I WAS PAINTING. After over a month of Joyce saying she had work for me but not actually letting me do it, she finally let me do it. For whatever reason, she didn't wanna pick me up, so I had to walk the whole way over to her house a couple of times. Which btw was horrible. It's a half-hour walk, uphill, and I had to carry a paint can and stuff with me. Not to mention the risk of getting shot, stabbed, run over, crushed, strangled, mutilated, bludgeoned, drowned, etc.! Do you realize how out-of-shape I am? I'd never be able to out-run an assailant. After the second time walking I was like "Okay, no. I'm not walking anymore." So then she started picking me up. I did a few random things around her yard and then the big project was three of the outer walls of her garage. Why I didn't have to do the fourth, I'll never understand. It definitely stands out from the other three now. But anyway, I totalled 19 and a half hours, which was $141.38. Not too long ago I found out that painters are supposed to be paid more than just Minimum Wage (by They Might Be Giants), but I mean, what am I gonna do? If I ask for a raise I'll more than likely be fired.
Finally, this is gonna be kinda out-of-place in the "Home Life" entry, but it was p out-of-place in part two where it originally was too, so... lose-lose. Okay, um... so basically, I wrote Part Two before the other two parts, and so it had a little home life and Join Us stuff in it until I decided to expand on them and give them their own separate entry. I trailed off a little bit, going from "apparently two new albums came out without me knowing" to "dang son, I need Internet. I keep finding out aboot things way too late to be able to chime in on them", and then I started chiming in on some current events. Here that is, verbatim: I wanted so bad to discuss the Anthony Weiner thing, but it's much too late for that. But basically I'm okay with what he did. It's not like he actually had irl sex or anything. I mean geez, I send my friends nudez all the time. It's no big deal. It doesn't count as cheating. Heck man, The Person posts nudez, apparently, and surprisingly I'm okay with it (wish I knew where to find 'em, though...). Although I guess he probably should've asked his wife for permission to make sure she felt the same way. Lying in the interviews was way worse than the thing itself, but I honestly don't blame him for that either. It's not his fault society is so screwed-up and intolerant that he has to hide everything to protect himself. ...Oh, I guess I did just discuss it anyway. Well, while I'm doing this, I'd also like to comment on the Casey Anthony thing. While I have no opinion on whether she's guilty or not (because I don't know all the details), I think it's ridiculous that everyone makes such a big deal aboot her going to parties and whatnot after her daughter disappeared. What do they expect her to do, just sit around crying all day long? I'm sure she has a life besides just her daughter. Besides, sometimes when bad stuff happens, you need to have some fun to take your mind off shit. I had the
same opinion aboot that BP guy that went golfing.

Speaking of, I'm a bit of a hypocrite. Not the bad kind, though. See, when Joyce and Wendy asked me if I wanted to go along with them to Wildwood I reluctantly agreed. I immediately didn't feel right running off to have fun when Someone claimed that their lives were ruined forever. I mean, I know that if they actually weren't lying (still p sure they are, for the reasons listed in that one other entry in addition to a new one I remembered), there's nothing that can be done to un-ruin their lives, but still. I have difficulty saying "no" to people, you see. I dunno, maybe I also thought it'd help pass the time until Join Us comes out. Who knows what was going on in my head. But anyway, we left Sunday morning (July 17th, 2011 A.D.) and planned to return home sometime Monday. They rented a hotel room for us to sleep in, which seems kinda unnecessary considering we had a perfectly suitable car, which, for the record, I've recently found to be infinitely more comfy than all beds.
Our journey began Sunday morning as planned. I brought along my iPod, DS and some other stuff to keep me not-bored for the drive. It didn't work. But we did stop at a McDonald's along the way, and I got a caramel mocha, so that was cool. They kept talking to me even though I was listening to music via my earbuds though. That's a huge pet peeve of mine. We arrived in Wildwood somewhere around noon, I think. Our check-in time wasn't until 1, so we immediately went for the boardwalk. Unfortunately, walking the boardwalk was quite frustrating, as Joyce and Wendy walk way too slow. Not only am I p impatient, but also I can't control my walking speed, so I have to walk in short bursts. Take a few steps, stop, wait for my traveling party to catch up, repeat. And then of course they kept wanting to stop and look around in the stores or watch people ride on the rides. And Joyce kept calling me over to look at stuff I didn't care aboot. Yes, Joyce, there's a picture of the animal crab with text alluding to grouchy humans. That pun's been around for ages. It shouldn't excite you as much as it does. I also don't need to look at shirts that say "Surfer Dude". I don't surf, and neither do you.
As if it weren't frustrating enough, once 1:00 came, Wendy got all worried aboot the lunchmeat we had in the car and was in a hurry to get it into our hotel room's fridge. So then we had to go back! Seems like, um, we shouldn't have even started walking the boardwalk until that'd been taken care of. And why'd you even bring lunchmeat? There's tons of restaurants on the boardwalk. It wasn't even for the drives, because we stopped at restaurants then, too! Damn white people and their cheese. And then, of course, when we got back to the hotel we found out our room wasn't ready yet anyway. The maid hadn't even started cleaning up after the last occupants. So we sat around for what I suspect was a half hour to an hour before finally the innkeeper was like "Well okay, I'll give you a different room instead". So then we finally stored all our stuff in it and continued our boardwalk bonanza. The whole time, I was worried that the maid/innkeeper/whoever-else-would-have-a-key-to-our-room would steal my stuff, but luckily that didn't happen. I was also worried aboot passersby, Joyce, and/or Wendy murdering me, but luckily that didn't happen either.

The boardwalk? Not at all as long as Joyce and Wendy made it sound. We managed to reach the end by four or five o'clock. Once we did, I quickly realized that all the stores are p much the same. There's restaurants, dollar stores, and t-shirt stores. And strangely, every t-shirt store has mostly the same t-shirts. Every five minutes you see Charlie Sheen, "YEAH BUDDY", "Free Hugs", "Cool story bro", and whatever the hell "DTF" means. Between all the stores sucking and the realization that having reached the end of the boardwalk we now have nothing to do for the rest of our stay, I realized I'd made a horrible mistake in agreeing to come. Some good came of it, though. We had something called "Polish Ice" a few times. It was really good. I had two mochacinno-flavoured ones and a watermelon one. Also I got a Monster. Humiliating story aboot that, though.

Okay, so like, it requires some explanation. So, okay, I have great difficulty hearing what people are saying to me when there's a lot of other sounds going on, even if they're not that loud. I can't even tell you how many times I had to ask my friend whom in high school talked to me on the bus to repeat himself because of the sounds of the engine, wind resistance, radio and other kids talking. Okay, so on return trip down the boardwalk, we stopped at yet another restaurant. I ordered two tacos and a Monster. Upon doing so, the dude said something that I couldn't make out because like, air conditioners and passersby talking and stuff. I assumed he asked "small, medium, or large". Boy was I wrong. And yes, I realize Monster doesn't come in different size cans, but... I just assumed, since this was a restaurant, they had it in machines like with fountain sodas and put it in a cup. So anyway, I was like "uhhhhh... medium?" and to my horror, he responded "No, green, blue or orange?" MOTHERFUCKER. Why didn't I just say "What?" like I usually do when people say stuff to me?! So anyway, I was like "Oh. Uhhhh... blue?" I didn't know what all the different colours were, so I just picked blue because that's the one Anna N. has in the photo where she's holding a Monster. Which it turns oot is the low carbs one. I don't know what carbs are. I assume it means it's healthier though. Is Anna worried aboot health or something? I've been meaning to ask whether her vegetarianism is a health thing or an animal thing but never got around to it. Anyway, I hope this incident wasn't one of those things that cashiers lol at customers aboot in their heads. Also, in case you're wondering aboot the "uhhhhh"s and long pauses, it's because I have great difficulty making on-the-spot decisions. It's one of the many reasons why I really shouldn't go to restaurants. Damn waiters, always asking you what size you want, what condiments and toppings, side dishes... Idk, ask Jessa. She knows. I told her all aboot it a few years ago over the phone, the day I emailed her asking her to call me so I could tell her one of the revelations I'd really had, walked home to pick up my phone, walked back to Mom's where I emailed her from, received her call, and walked around in the snow while talking to her for probably an hour or more. It was the first time she called me. I was so swept up in the excitement that I forgot the good revelations and only told her the shitty one that she was probably already well aware of. Damn, I miss Jessa. She was really awesome to talk to. I forget how I managed to email at Mom's house though. Mom doesn't let me online. Maybe I snuck on when everyone was upstairs, I dunno. I used to do that sometimes.

Well, Jessa's awesomeness aside, immediately after the restaurant we watched a movie. I really didn't want to, but. You know. Kinda have to go everywhere they go. The movie was just as I thought it'd be. P much your average comedy movie. Physical "comedy", predictable storyline, etc. If anything I'd rather we'd've seen Harry Potter, but since I haven't seen Deathly Hallows Part One yet I wouldn't know what's happening in the story. No, I didn't read the books. Shut up. I just don't like to read, okay? It doesn't make you better than me. I just prefer to actually see the characters, props, settings, etc., that's all. Damn. But there was this one time that Guess Who yelled at me for not liking books. Yelled at me for a lot of ridiculous reasons. Really hurt my feelings. Like, a couple times a day. And I still remember every word. And I still feel the pain. And I cry. Remember the time she asked me if I thought she was related to Myrrh, then was like "NOT NECESSARILY, YOU IDIOT" when I was like "No; your families would know eachother", then yelled at me again when I tried to follow up with "Also you live the whole way across the country"? I sure as hell do. What aboot the time she said I'm not mature enough to have sex just because I prefer monogamy over condoms? Or the time we did one of our three Bonus Stage roleplays and I had Rya literally be scared shitless by a thing and then she was yelled at me for talking aboot feces? I do! Ruined the joke too. Or that time me and Simon were trying to teach her how to record herself singing and she yelled at me for saying that Recording Control won't let you check two boxes at once when she was trying to check both Microphone and Mixer? Also the time I asked her one time if she'd want to get AIM and she was like "NO STOP ASKING" and then I was like "But this is the first time I asked that" and then she yelled at me again? Ugh... so many more... Too many to count...

Trailin' off again, dangit. So after the movie we finished walking back to the ramp we started from. I actually saw a couple t-shirts I wanted, but I wanted to see if there was anything else I wanted more before I bought them, so once we finished our boardwalk walking I wanted to go back and get 'em, but Joyce and Wendy were tired and wanted to go back to the hotel. So we decided we'd get 'em tomorrow morning and did indeed go back to the hotel. I went to bed p much immediately but woke up after like two hours. Joyce and Wendy were asleep at that point, so I figured it was a good time to defecate 'cause I had to do so for a few hours but held it in 'cause I can't defecate when people are around. Despite them being asleep it still took me a while because I also have difficulty doing it away from home. Success was eventually attained though. Then I tried to go back to sleep. Took me a few hours. I suddenly wasn't tired anymore and weird stuff kept racing through my mind. For some reason I was constantly seeing Guitar Hero gameplay. You know, the fretboard or whatever, with the different coloured circles scrolling down the screen? Except strangely, the colours were out of order. They were in the wrong columns. They also didn't seem to form an actual melody. Once I finally stopped seeing Guitar Hero, I had mental videos of me running into Maddi on the boardwalk and then hanging out with her all day. At one point I was like "Oh, hey, there's that thing from Pokemon Black and White!" (referring to the giant spinny thing in Nimbasa City, which strangely there really is one on the boardwalk irl) and she made me get on it with her despite my intense fear of heights. You know how they say you can conquer your fears by facing them head-on? Yeah, bullshit. I was terrified the whole time and held onto her really tight. We also took a ton of pictures, most of which showed us hugging, and uploaded them to show our Internet friends. I didn't actually see the uploading but she said she'd do it so I assume she did later, off-screen. At night she came back to our hotel room and she platonically and non-sexually slept in the same bed as me. We were both wearing clothes. No idea where her parents where. You'd think she'd have to ask them before having a sleepover. Other than that it was a p realistic and vivid fantasy. They usually are. Eventually though it did took a very sexual turn. I'm SOOOO sorry, Maddi. I platonically love you, man. :( But the good news is that I fell asleep afterwards, so!

So, the next morning we hit the boardwalk once more despite having already seen and done everything we wanted to. Joyce woke me up and told me it was soon check-out time, so after lying back down for a while to try and finish the platonic and non-sexual part of the Maddi fantasy from The Night Before (by The Beatles), I got up and fulfilled Joyce and Wendy's requests to change clothes, brush my teeth and have Joyce wash my hair. Joyce made me put on my swimming trunks and a t-shirt for some reason. I really shouldn't be wearing any kind of shorts in public because I have really hairy legs. Also there's the birthmark on my right knee, but that's not really as much of a concern. I also hate wearing t-shirts because A) They're extremely uncomfy, especially in the hotter seasons, B) There's no pocket to put my phone in, C) I have this weird thing aboot images of people "watching" me and I have to take my shirt off and put it face-down when I masturbate or defecate, and D) when wearing t-shirts in public, there's the risk of someone being like "Nice shirt". Most would consider this a good thing, but not me. I can never tell if they're talking to me or someone else who's near me, so when I hear someone say that I don't know what to do. If I say "Thanks", there's the risk of being embarrassed because it might turn out they're talking to someone else, and if I don't say anything, they might think I'm being rude. It's lose-lose! ...Oh, wow, why do I keep using that phrase today? Well anyway, guess what? Someone did say "Nice shirt". I have the luck of the Irish, don't I? Welp, I decided not to say anything in case they were saying it to someone else. I tried not to look for the speaker and just kept on walking with my head down. Hopefully they thought I just didn't hear them. I really need to stop leaving my house though. These kinds of things need to never happen again. Ever.

So, we headed back to the store I saw the t-shirts in, but it was closed. I know what you're thinking, "lol now he can't get his shirts because even though he wanted to do it last night his traveling party was too tired and wanted to do it today instead", right? Heh. Yeah, that pretty much is my luck. I was alright with it though. It was actually kind of relieving, because then I'd have extra money to spend on CDs when I go to the mall to get Join Us. But wouldn't ya know it, Joyce and Wendy were all obsessed with me getting my shirts, so we grabbed more Polish ice and sat down on a bench and waited. We actually had to head home soon because we were checked out of our hotel and couldn't park there anymore, and our new parking spot had a parking metre, so I hoped we'd run out of time before it opened, but it did not. The store opened and we went in to buy shirts. I got a Nirvana shirt and I wanted a Lady Gaga one so I could tweet a photo a photo of me wearing it and be like "@CelestialBeard HEY DAWG, LIKE MY SHIRT?" but Joyce was like "No, get Green Day instead" so I got Green Day. Both shirts are pretty cool. I'm fine with it. So yep, I now have a grand total of four t-shirts.

After getting into our car, we drove around for four hours, taking pictures of houses because Joyce and Wendy apparently want to buy a house in Wildwood. I keep trying to tell them that the cost of buying a house will probably outweigh the cost of renting hotel rooms every visit, considering they don't really go to Wildwood that often, but they're all "Yeah well, if we get a house then we'll come more often". I think they'll still be in the red though. Eventually we finally started home. The ride back was p shitty. I got bored with Pokemon so I just listened to music. And they kept trying to talk to me anyway. Usually to get me to grab them a soda from the cooler. And lemme tell ya, that thing was packed. Full. 'Cause we got fudge and stuff on the boardwalk to stick in there. So I had to root around through everything to grab the sodas from the very bottom. Then of course I couldn't get the stuff back into its original position, so the lid wouldn't close. I ended up smashing everything. But, we went to McDonald's again, so that was cool. All in all I suppose my Wildwood vacation was alright, despite all the bad parts. Also I got sunburned for the third time in the month I've been offline, so. Let's, um, let's all hope I don't get skin cancer.

Welp, that's pretty much it! Finally! This was one long ass-entry. Well heh, heh, part two is gonna be p long too, so prepare yourself...