Anna Q and A

hurrhurrhurr: Feel free to ask questions! That's more or less what I came here for. So here are some answers!

#1. When/how did Nick decide that it was fated for you to be his wife? 
I'm honestly not sure. It all started out as what seemed to be a harmless crush, but it escalated over time. If I find anything that pinpoints when the "WE ARE FATED TO BE MARRIED" bullshit started, I'll share it--I'm looking through my LJ for relevant posts right now, and if I find anything that can give you a rough timeframe I'll definitely make a note of it.

#2. Do you have any chatlogs/emails from him? 
I don't have any chatlogs that I know of, and I'm afraid I haven't for quite some time. I seem to recall that I erased pretty much all of them from the computer I had when we were still in contact. Said computer is long since dead (it bit the dust not long after the whole mess began, I think), and since I've had to replace my computer several times since that one died, they're likely lost forever, at least on my end.

As for emails, I do likely have a few of those on some of my older email accounts. I'll do some digging.

#3. Can you shed some more information on his family life? All we are getting is that his Dad is some loser who smoked weed with him when he was 12 and that his mom and Joyce think if they pray enough Nick will stop being a freak rather than seek mental health.
Here's what I've gathered:
His stepdad is (was?), allegedly, physically abusive. This led to an incident where Nick physically assaulted him, which led to him being sent to a psych ward for a bit. (It would be great if that had actually helped, wouldn't it?)
He was homeschooled for several years--I think it was from 6th or 7th grade up until 11th grade, though I'm not sure of the exact years and I might be a bit off. However, it was not an especially hands-on form of homeschooling--he took his classes (if they can be called that) through a computer program (not even online--through an actual program). One thing that stands out about his homeschooling experience is that I distinctly remember him taking a "Bible class", which he frequently complained about.
His mom and aunt (the aforementioned Joyce) are, as I recall, extremely religious. See also: Bible class. If I might speculate a bit, I think some of their fundamentalist beliefs rubbed off on Nick--who, of course, warped them beyond belief, because he's Nick. That might be why he was so obsessed with my "purity" or whatever.
Nick also has a much older relative whom he refers to as Nanny, who I think is his grandmother (not sure on which side) but might be a great-aunt or something. I remember her being far more lenient about most everything than his mom, stepdad, and aunt.
His immediate family (mom, stepdad, aunt) seems to be quite neglectful in general. This might explain some of his physical health problems, as well as his hellish teeth. (He once claimed that his mom only has two teeth left, which I'm guessing was an exaggeration but probably has a grain of truth in it.) You'll notice, if you look at the pic of him and Amber, that the poor girl is in desperate need of braces, which, along with their apparent refusal to do anything about him probably molesting her, seems to indicate that they don't exactly shower her with attention or affection either. (I worry for that kid, I really do.)
I don't know much about his dad, but apparently he is, or at least was, an alcoholic, in addition to a stoner. Nick once claimed that he was conceived because his mom thought having a kid would convince his dad to kick his drinking habit; once again, this may or may not be the case.

#4. Did he ever threaten you?
That's actually a tricky question to answer. He never outright threatened to physically harm me; however, he would threaten to come to my house, and he did send incredibly disturbing death threats to both of my ex-boyfriends, Paul and Jeremy. He also all but threatened to rape Maddi at one point, saying that he'd fuck her whether she wanted it or not. (Please note that Maddi was around fifteen at the time this message was received. Lovely!)

It's worth noting that he did, at one point, talk to someone else (who later notified me) about whether or not it was legal to have sex with someone while they were asleep. While Nick claimed he would ask me for permission first, it's still disturbing and definitely of note.

So basically, while he never explicitly threatened physical harm towards me specifically, I always had the feeling that he would not hesitate to assault me in some way, were we in the same general vicinity, given his interactions with my friends.

RogerRabbit1988: Another tricky question, since he has so very few redeeming qualities. I think I'd have to go with his sheer stupidity. For example, I distinctly remember him assuming that the word "lungs" was singular and that humans only had one lung, and when I corrected him he assumed that one was in front of the other rather than them being side-by-side. To make things even more infuriating, most--if not all--of his ignorance of everything seemed, and still seems, to be willful. He revels in being stupid to an astonishing degree. I like to think I'm pretty intelligent for the most part (albeit not the best judge of character, it would seem!), and I try to surround myself with people who can (for lack of a better term) keep up with what I talk about, so that was (and is) a major turn-off in every way.

Maybe I should say things aboot myself. That way Wife can like stuff aboot me and then love me. I don't know what to say though.

When I was a small child I foond a baby bird that couldn't fly and I bludgeoned it to death with a big stick.

I crapped myself in elementary school twice and peed myself in middle school once. The peeing was intentional though

When I was 15 I smoked marijuana. It rocked and I miss it. I once tried a Jell-O shot but I got a moothful of just alcohol and it was gross.

The sight of trash makes me gag. I can't use serviettes or paper tooels because once I use them they become trash and make me gag.

I never retained anything school tried to teach me. I suspect I might not even be able to learn, as I learned nothing after school either.

COMPREHENSIVE PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION

NICKALAUS STOUTZENBERGER

MAY 10, 2013



Identifying Information

Birth Date: 09/01/91

Gender: Male

Age: 21 years, 8 months

Race: Caucasian



Community Systems Involved:

TEAMCare Behavioral Health, LLC: Therapist - Tara Tumility; Psychiatrist - Dr. Biever

Community Services Group, Intensive Case Management - Chad Wickenheiser



Reason for Referral

Nick was referred for a comprehensive psychological evaluation by his outpatient therapist, Tara Tumility, to clarify diagnosis and to determine if Nick's demonstrated social weaknesses may be related to cognitive defects, personality factors, and/or a developmental disability.



Relevant Information



Background History



Strengths



Nick is a 21 year, 8 month-old Caucasian male, with self-reported strengths that include an interest in music, writing and drawing. Family strengths include a supportive maternal aunt who provides housing and money management for Nick. She has also arranged for a variety of services for him. These areas of individual and family strengths represent domains that can be further developed for use as a foundation for a strength-based plan.



Family



Nick is presently living alone in an apartment in Columbia, PA which is owned by his maternal aunt, Joyce. He has never married and he has no children. His parents are divorced; his mother is remarried and his father resides with his girlfriend. Both his parents live locally, but Nick reported that he does not see them often. He reported that his mother and step-father will not allow him to come to their house although Nick reported that he does not know what prompted that decision. When he inquired about this to his step-father, Nick indicated that his step-father said, "You know why." Nick reported that he does not like his mother or step-father because "they are very conservative and not very tolerant." He acknowledged that his aunt, Joyce, is his primary social support, but he reported that he does not have a good relationship with her. His main source of conflict with her is that she controls his money and will not allow him discretion with his purchases; specifically she will not allow him to purchase women's clothing for himself. Nick did report that he was in agreement with her being his representative payee because he feels that he would not be capable of managing his own money.



Nick does have a 10-year-old maternal step-sister and he reported that he has a good relationship with her, but he is not allowed to see her without a parent present. He denied any past violence or inappropriate behavior towards her.



Nick lived with his biological parents until they divorced when he was a young child. Nick reported that he does not recall much about his childhood, although his aunt reported that his father was alcoholic, abusive, and unpredictable. His aunt could not recall any specific incidents. Nick remained living with his mother when his parents divorced and after his mother's second marriage. Nick was homeschooled for a period of a couple years in high school. His aunt, Joyce, was his primary instructor. After Nick completed high school, his aunt assisted him in applying for social security disability, helped him to get connected with a mental health case manager, and allowed him to live in an apartment that she owns.



With regard to his living situation, Nick has concerns about his ability to live independently. At one point, his voice became loud and he appeared to be in distress and stated, "Why would these people even think I could live alone?" He reported that he is fearful to leave his house or to answer his door. He acknowledged that his decision-making skills are poor at this time. When asked what he would do if there were a fire on his stovetop, he responded, "I would have to text my aunt." When further prompted, he said maybe he could put something over the fire because he did not think you could throw water on a stove, but at no point did he mention calling 911 or using a fire extinguisher.



In terms of family psychiatric history, his aunt reported that his maternal grandmother was diagnosed with dementia recently and may have previously been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Some extended cousins are reported to have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Family substance abuse is significant in that Nick's father was reportedly an alcoholic and according to Nick, his father also abused marijuana, allowing Nick to smoke with him.



Cultural Considerations



Nick's family composition is Caucasian. There is no report of any adverse impact as a result of cultural factors. There is no report of any negative impact due to environmental factors. Nick reported some concerns with his finances as he is currently receiving Social Security Income. Nick indicated that he does not have a religious affiliatio.



Developmental/Medical



Several attempts were made to reach his mother, Carol Osborne, to obtain developmental and collateral information. His mother could not be reached directly, but she did leave a message reporting that "he has always been a problem." His aunt, Joyce, did not recall any problems during his mother's pregnancy or his delivery. She did not recall that he had any developmental delays and commented that "he was always pretty smart." There is no indication that Nick ever received any early intervention services. By his own report, he was able to read prior to entering kindergarten.



Medically, Nick reported that he does not have a primary care physician. He denied any history of seizures, head trauma, unusual illness, or medical hospitalizations. He is not aware of any allergies to medications or environmental agents. He is not being treated for any medical problems. He did report concern about a chronic cough, but reported that he was told by a physician that it was likely due to allergies. He is presently prescribed Viibryd for anxiety and depression and he also has a PRN prescription for Ativan which he reportedly uses two times per month when he goes grocery shopping. He reported that he takes his medication as prescribed and follows with Dr. Biever, his psychiatrist, on a regular basis.



Trauma History



With regard to trauma, Nick denied any history of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. He denied any history of neglect. Nick's aunt, Joyce, reported that when he was young and his parents were still married and living together, his father would frequently come home intoxicated and would be verbally abusive and destructive to property. His aunt also recalled an incident where Nick's father spanked him at school and "somebody checked into that." Nick's parents divorced sometime during his elementary school years, although he could not recall what age. He continued to live with his mother and visited with his father on a regular basis. Nick has not been involved in any human-made or natural disasters.



School/Vocational



Nick attended Penn Manor School District and paperwork from this district indicated that he was placed in full-time emotional support in 4th grade, although a copy of his psych-educational evaluation is not available for review. His present educational levels during the 2001-2002 school year noted the following: "Nick is usually very quiet in class and at times cooperative in class. He works well in 1:1 situations with staff and in small groups. He receives 48 to 52 points per day on his point sheet (52 possible points). Nick loses the most points in the area of respect and class rules. He continues to exhibit difficulty with peer relationships which is demonstrated by his inappropriate behaviors to peers. Until recently, Nick did not interact with others on the playground and often chose to remain in the classroom during recess. He is unable to accept consequences for his inappropriate actions, and repeatedly states, 'I didn't do anything.' Nick is extremely emotional and takes everything to heart."



His strengths were noted to be superior intelligence, creative talents, visual sequencing, wide vocabulary skills, verbal reasoning skills, abstract reasoning abilities, academic abilities. His needs were described as increase compliance with school rules/expectations, increase appropriate social interaction with peers, specifically to lessen physical aggression toward peers, increase ability to seek help when needed and to develop strategies to deal with anxiety and withdrawal.



There is no other school information available until he returned to Penn Manor High School as a junior. Nick was homeschooled during his 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th grade years. When Nick returned to the public high school, he was enrolled in full-time emotional support. Information from his IEP that year noted, "since enrolling in Penn Manor School District as a junior, Nick has been doing very well academically and behaviorally." Observations indicated that "his teachers describe Nick as quiet, intelligent, and funny. In class, Nick will sit quietly and rarely offer answers or participate in class discussion without teaching prompting." It is also noted that, "Nick needs to improve his social skills. Nick avoids high social areas such as the cafeteria and hallways, even with peer prompting to join. Nick sometimes makes comments or acts in ways that has a tendency to draw negative attention to himself - such as sucking on his hair or moaning for no apparent reason."



Nick reported that when he was younger, he would frequently get into fights with his peers at school. He could not recall if he initiated the fights. When he returned to school as a junior, Nick reported that he spent most of his time sitting at a desk drawing and peers would approach him to talk and/or comment on his drawings. He described these peers as his friends but reported that he never had contact with them outside of school by his choice.



Transition planning indicated that Nick's future goal was "to be a househusband and Nick has given little thought to other options, even with prompting from the teachers and the job trainer."



Nick graduated high school, although he cannot recall the exact year. He thinks it was 2008 or 2009.



Vocationally, Nick has helped his mother at her flea market stand a couple times, but other than this he has no employment history. He is presently receiving social security disability based on his diagnosis of major depression.



Community/Peer Relationships



Nick does not have any peer relationships in the community. He has a strained relationship with his family members. He developed a relationship with some individuals online when he was a teenager. One individual is "Anna" and she has blocked all contact with him, although he continues to make attempts to contact her electronically. Nick firmly believes that he and Anna will eventually marry and he continues to ignore her request to not contact her, and the more recent request of the police, to stop all contact with her. He believes that she resides in California, but stated that he has no plans to go to California to find her "because I would need an escort because I wouldn't know how to go about getting there." He also reported that he will continue to try to contact her, although "I wouldn't commit a major crime to reach her, but probably a misdemeanor." He continues to have frequent contact with a young woman, "Jessa," and Jessa's fiancé, "William." Nick refers to Jessa as his mother, but reported that he does not really like William, but maintains contact with him because of Jessa. Reportedly Jessa is his age. He commented how he had gotten her some coupons for Mother's Day. There is another individual, "Thom" who Nick met online and Nick refers to his as his father.



With regard to intimate relationships, Nick reported that he has never had a girlfriend that he has met in person and he reported that the only girlfriend he has ever had is "Anna", although he has only had electronic communication with her and it is not clear if she ever reciprocated his feelings. Nick has never been sexually active with a female or male and he reported that he regards himself as heterosexual. He reported that he has crossdressed since he has been a teen, but he does not currently have access to women's clothes. He reported that he frequently masturbates and that he feels his sex drive is "more active than most people." He enjoys pornography that involves feces and he reported that he frequently fantasizes about having anal sex, consensually and forcibly with females. He also reported that his sexual fantasies include young girls who "can talk in full sentences and are house-trained, but not yet like real women." He denied that he has ever approached or had any sexual contact with a minor. He admitted that he tried to find female child pornography online in the past, but he was reportedly unsuccessful. When this evaluator told him that this type of activity is illegal, he indicated that he did not understand why that would be.



Nick is not involved in any community activites and reportedly only leaves his apartment to go to appointments and to grocery shop two times monthly. He spends the majority of his time at home alone, communicating with the above individuals electronically. Nick reported that he does not recaqll ever engaging in any community or school activites.



Drug & Alcohol/Legal



In terms of substance abuse history, Nick reported that he used alcohol one time several years ago while with his father. He consumed one "Jell-O shot". Nick reported that he used marijuana approximately 20-30 times with his father when he was a young teen. He reported that he has not used marijuana in at least 4 years. He denied any history of using any other type of substance. He denied any history of abusing prescription or over-the-counter medication and he does not take any herbal supplements.



In the legal sphere, Nick reported that he was arrested twice as a juvenile. His memory of the exact indicents is not clear, but he believes both incidentes may have been related to aggression and/or threats to his mother. He stated that he was on probation for these incidents. He denied any arrests as an adult. He was aware that the police had recently contacted his aunt related to his attempts to contact a female via the Internet, but he reported that "they did not approach me directly." He reported that he has continued to try to contact a female, "Anna", despite her direct request that he not contact her and she has blocked all communication from him.



Service History



Nick received inpatient psychiatric treatment at age 15 for 11 days at Brooke Glen Behavioral Hospital. He was involuntarily committed after he became physically aggressive with his mother. A discharge summary from this facility indicated the following diagnoses: major depression, social phobia, avoidant personality traits. It further stated that, "psychological testing was completed which supports the above diagnoses, it did not support psychosis." During his hospitalization, anti-depressant medication was recommended but "mother did not indicate that she would follow through with this option for aftercare."



Other than school interventions and his current treatment, it appears that Nick's hospitalization represents the extent of his previous formal psychiatric treatment. Nick reported that his mother does not believe in mental illness and, therefore, she did not initiate or support treatment.



Evaluation Procedures



Review of the following records:

Clinical interview with Nick Stoutzenberger

Consult with Tara Tumility and Chad Wickenheiser

Brief phone interview with his maternal aunt, Joyce

Behavioral observations

Wechsler Abbreviated Scale of Intelligence (WASI-II)

Wechsler Individual Achievement Test, Second Edition Abbreviated (WIAT-II)

Thematic Apperception Test (TAT)

Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-2 (MMPI-2)

Delis Kaplan Executive Function System (D-K EFS)



Interview/Test Results



Behavioral Observations



Nick was brought to the appointment by his case manager, who dropped him at the office. Nick is tall and he has a large build. He was dressed casually and appropriately, although he was malodorous. He had a beard and his hair was slightly unkempt. Nick reported that he generally only showers once a week. His eye contact was fleeting and he appeared to try to avoid eye contact, often looking down. His activity level was within normal limits. He was able to initiate and sustain attention for all tasks and his concentration was adequate. He did not require any repetition of directions. He demonstrated good manners, never interrupted and was able to engage in a reciprocal conversation. He answered all questions, at times offering relevant spontaneous information. He was able to complete the entire evaluation in one day, taking a 20 minute break for lunch. After he completed the evaluation, he thanked the evaluator.



Mental Status Exam



In terms of mental status, Nick was alert and was oriented to person, day of the week, month, year, and situation. His affect was constricted. He described his mood as "depressed, scared, and bored." Stream of thought appeared to be organized, relevant, and goal-directed with content of thought focused on providing information as requested and completing the tasks required. His responses were relevant to the questions. Nick did not exhibit any overt indications of an underlying thought disturbance, in the form of auditory or visual hallucinations, and he denied that presence of both, in the present or past. He denied present suicidal ideation. He reported that he has experienced suicidal thoughts in the past, "but I would never do it." Nick reported that he constantly has homicidal ideation toward his mother, step-father, and aunt; however, he stated adamantly that he has no intent to act on these thoughts because "I do not want to go to jail." He indicated that he frequently has "videos" playing in his mind that involve killing his family in multiple ways, indicating that sometimes he is portrayed as a superhero in these "videos." Nick reported that he has been violent with his mother in the past and has left bruises on her. When he was fifteen, he was psychiatrically hospitalized after he assaulted his mother because she would not allow him to use the computer. Nick denied any history of cruelty to animals, vandalism, or fireplay, adding that he is very close to his cat and wondered what life would be like if he could communicate with his cat by speaking "cat language." His insight was fair as he indicated that he has pursued therapy, psychiatric treatment, and psychologcal testing "because I want to know what's wrong with me." His judgment is extremely impaired as he reported that he does not understand why anyone would be concerned with his constant attempts to contact a female that does not want contact as well as his claims that he will certainly marry this female. Additionally, he showed this evaluator, as well as his therapist, conversations that he has had online with others that contain graphic sexual and violent comments and he does not understand why this is considered inappropriate or unusual.



Validity Considerations



The Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-2 (MMPI-2) yielded an invalid profile based on Nick's endorsement of far more symptoms than would be typical even for an individual being treated on an inpatient psychiatric unit. High scores on most scales as evidenced by Nick's profile suggests that an individual may be overly endorsing problems in order to appear pathological or, as likely in Nick's case, it is an indication that an individual is experiencing a myriad of symptoms in several domains, frequently and intensely, and that the symptoms are causing a significant amount of stress and impairment.



Intellectual Functioning



The Wechsler Abbreviated Scale of Intelligence, 2nd Edition (WASI-II) administered in order to assess Nick's cognitive functioning and to obtain and understanding of his level of intellectual functioning. The WASI-II is designed as a screening tool to quickly and accurately estimate an individual's intellectual functioning. Assessment of Nick's present level of cognitive abilities indicates overall intellectual functioning in the superior range (WASI-II IQ = 129). Nick's IQ places him in the 97th percentile, indicating that he did as well or better than 97% of similarly aged individuals. Nick's verbal skills are significantly more developed than his nonverbal skills, although his nonverbal abilties, as evidenced by his performance on the Perceptual Reasoning Index, are solidly within the average range.



WASI-II SUMMARY SCALES (Mean = 100, SD = 15)

Scale - Composite Score - Percentile - Confidence Interval (95%) - Description

Verbal - 143 - 99.8 - 135-147 - Very Superior

Perceptual Reasoning - 108 - 70 - 101-114 - Average

Full Scale (Four subtests) - 129 - 97 - 123-133 - Superior



WASI-II SUBTEST T-SCORES (Mean = 50, SD = 10)

Vocabulary: 77

Similarities: 75

Block Design: 58

Matrix Reasoning: 52



With regard to specific subtests, Nick demonstrated abilities above the norm on all subtests. His best performance was on the Vocabulary subtest, as his score fell well above the norm. This subtest assesses an individual's expressive vocabulary, verbal knowledge, and fund of information. His performance on the Similarities subtest was equally as strong as his performance on the Vocabulary subtest. The Similarities subtest measures abstract verbal reasoning and conceptualization. Nick's performance on the Block Design subtest was above the norm. This subtest measures spatial visualization, visual-motor coordination, and abstract conceptualization. Nick also performed in the average range on the Matrix Reasoning subtest, which measures nonverbal fluid reasoning.



Achievement



In order to assess Nick's level of academic achievement, the Wechsler Individual Achievement Test - Abbreviated, Second Edition (WIAT-II Abr.) was administered. Nick's performance on the Word Reading subtest was in the high average range of scores (SS = 112). He was able to read all the words on the list with the exception of "ethereal" which he slightly mispronounced. His performance on this subtest correlates to a 12.8 grade equivalent. His score on the Numerical Operations subtest was in the average range (SS = 103). This score corresponds to an 11.9 grade level. His performance on the Spelling subtest was in the high average range (SS = 114) and corresponds to a 12.8 grade level.



Neuropsychological Functioning



In order to further measure Nick's executive functioning abilities and his higher level cognitive skills, various tests were administered to obtain a clearer picture of his strengths and weaknesses in these areas. The Delis-Kaplan Exsecutive Functioning System (D-KEFS) is a measure of high order cognitive, executive functioning. The subtests were designed to assess complex multifactorial domains of cognition in a comprehensive manner. The D-KEFS subtests administered include Trail Making, Verbal Fluency, Sorting Test, Twenty Questions, and Proverb Test.



Trail Making Test - Scaled Score - Classification

Visual Scanning - 12 - At Expected Level

Number Sequencing - 13 - Above Expected Level

Letter Sequencing - 12 - At Expected Level

Number-Letter Switching - 11 - At Expected Level

Motor Speed - 13 - Above Expected Level



Nick's performance on Trail Making, which involved visual cancellation and connecting circles tasks, demonstrated average to above average abilities in cognitive flexibility, a classic executive function that is essential for higher-level skills such as mulititasking, simultaneous processing, and divided attention. His motor speed was faster than would be expected and his ability to visually scan information was at the expected level. His ability to sequence numbers was above the expected level and his ability to sequence letters was average. His ability to shift between numbers and letters, requiring cognitive flexibility and divided attention, is in the average range.



Verbal Fluency - Scaled Score - Classification

Letter Fluency - 7 - Borderline

Category Fluency - 7 - Borderline

Category Switch - 8 - At Expected Level

Category Switching Accuracy - 9 - At Expected Level



The Verbal Fluency Test requires word generation based on letter and category, with a switching task also presented. Nick's ability to generate words starting with a specific letter is slightly below what would be expected. He appeared to be anxious during this task and some of the words were associated with sexual activity such as "fornication" and "syphilis." His ability to generate words that fit into a specific category is slightly below the expected level; however, his ability to cognitive shift between categories is at the expected level with his accuracy on this task at the expected level as well.



Sorting Test - Scaled Score - Classification

Confirmed Correct Sorts - 14 - Above Expected Level

Free Sorting Description - 15 - Above Expected Level

Sort Recognition - 16 - Well Above Expected Level



On the Sorting Test which measures concept-formation and verbal and nonverbal problem solving abilities, Nick performed in the range above what would be expected for an individual his age. His performance on this measure suggests that his ability to think abstractly and solve problems is very well developed.



Twenty Questions - Scaled Score - Classification

Initial Abstraction Score - 9 - At Expected Level

Total Questions Asked - 13 - Above Expected Level

Total Weighted Achievement - 19 - Well Above Expected Level



The Twenty Questions Test measures abstract thinking and problem solving strategies. The executive functions assesed include the perception of various categories and subcategories represented; the ability to formulate dichtomous questions, and incorporate feedback to formulate more efficient questions. Nick was shown a page of various common items and objects and he has to ask yes/no questions to determine the target object. The goal was to ask as few questions as possible in order to identify the target object. Nick's performance on this measure is consistent with his performance on all other measures of abstract thinking and problem solving, suggesting that these higher level thinking skills are very well developed in this young man.



The Proverb Test evaluates the abstract interpretation, understanding of word meanings, as well as abstract principles and concepts. Nick's ability to verbally describe proverbs was in the expected range and when provided with a proverb and multiple choice answers, he correctly answered 100% of the questions.



Emotional and Behavioral Functioning



While Nick's cognitive, achievement, and higher level executive functioning abilities are impressive, his emotional and behavioral functioning is concerning. In the clinical interview, Nick reported that he has "videos" playing in his head where he is able to view himself killing his mother, step-father and aunt in various ways. He reported that at times it is him in his natural state killing them and other times, he becomes a superhero with superpowers and kills them. Nick casually described how he feels they deserve to die because they are very conservative and not tolerant of other races and homosexuals. He stated that they don't like him because he likes sex, violence, and cursing. Nick clearly stated that he has no intent to kill his family, "because I don't want to go to jail," but he further stated that if no laws prohibited murder, he is sure he would do it.



Nick also reported having sexual fantasies that involve him having anal sex with women and young girls. He reported that his fantasies include both rape and consensual sex. His sexual fantasies involve feces as he reported that he becomes sexually aroused by fantasizing about women defecating and that he has used feces when he masturbates. He does frequently view pornographic tapes that involve the above, although he reported he has not been able to access child pornography. He stated that he has never been sexually intimate with anyone. His only sexual encounter was around the age of thirteen when he and a female teen cousin touched each other and this was reported to be consensual. Nick shared his journals with this evaluator which included numerous writings about sex and violence. He had written about being angry with his aunt and described how he would like to anally rape her. He reported that he does not necessarily fantasize about his aunt and that he wrote that statement out of anger. At one point, he wrote how something was falling from the sky and he thought it was semen, but later realized that it was rain. On the MMPI-2, Nick's responses on the Schizophrenia scale were quite high (T = 112). Specifically, his high score on the social alienation subscale (T = 105) suggests that he perceives that he is mistreated and misunderstood. His emotional alienation score (T = 98) indicated that he has a significant amount of fears, depression, and apathy. Additionally, the high T scores on the Lack of Ego Mastery, Cognitive (T = 90) and Conative (T = 92) scales are consistent with someone who fears losing control, feels as though life is unreal and likely responds to stress by retreating into a fantasy world. His responses on the Thematic Apperception Test (TAT) suggested some problems with reality orientation. He described one picture as a house in a snowstorm with "eyes" in the background "that's like a ghost or something." On another card, he saw a figure in the background and stated, "that's like a dog wearing a hood" but later added that he did not know why a dog would be walking upright, wearing a hooded jacket.



With regard to his impulse control, Nick reported that he feels he can control his impulses but attributed part of that to his fear to leave his home. He did state that he has some concerns about decreasing his social anxiety because "If I'm cured and go out, I fear what I would do." While Nick's explosive anger score is elevated (T = 71) his score on the inhibition of aggression score is average (T = 48), which supports Nick's assertion that at the present time he is successfully controlling his angry impulses.



Nick described a significant level of social anxiety, which he has experienced for several years. He reported that he did not want to go to school and that is why he was homeschooled from 7th to 10th grade. When he did return to public school, he reported that his attendance was good, but he did not like to leave the classroom. He reported that he does not like to be in the community because he is worried about being harmed or shot. He does not feel safe in his home, "I'm afraid of everything, I feel like I can't defend myself and I don't know what I would do if someone broke in." He also reported that he does not like to take showers because he becomes increasingly fearful during this task. He reported that he has difficulty talking to others in the community and that he has signigicant problems making decisions, "I have trouble placing an order at McDonald's." Nick was able to describe appropriate social behavior and described being socially avoidant because he becomes so anxious around others that he cannot function or communicate. He indicated that he is aware that some of his anxiety resolves around his fear of what he may do to others if he cannot control his impulses. Nick's overall score on the paranoia scale on the MMPI-2 was extremely elevated (T = 101) with responses that corresponded to a signigicant amount of persecutory ideas (T = 112). His responses on the TAT also include some persecutory ideation. He described story about a picture with a young boy and broken violin as "it's broken at the neck; someone probably did it on purpose." Another card showed a little boy sitting alone and he described the boy as "upset" and that "maybe his parents punished him and he's in trouble." Another picture he described as "a bunch of dudes huddled together for safety or warmth" noting that one man is "probably the watch, they probably sleep in shifts."



With regard to his mood, Nick stated that he is generally depressed. He often feels hopeless, but indicated there are times when he is hopeful; mainly when he fantasizes about "Anna." He described feeling worthless, "I'm not really good at anything, I can't contribute to society." He indicated that he never cries, "but I feel like I need to, I just don't." His personal hygiene is very poor, he showers once per week with prompting and does not attend to his personal care consistently. He described his sleep as "random" but indicated that he is working on trying to establish better sleep habits by going to bed at 10 or 11 and then he typically sleeps until 9 AM. He reported that his appetite is good. He denied present suicidal ideation, but noted that he has had these thoughts in the past, but has never made a suicide attempt. Nick's score on the MMPI-2 depression scale is elevated (T = 91) with elevated scores on scales that assess subjection depression, psychomotor retardation, physical symptoms, mental dullness, and brooding. Nick has previously been diagnosed with major depression and he is currently being treated for anxiety and depression with therapy and medication.



Discussion



One of the purposes of this evaluation was to assess Nick's cognitive functioning as he demonstrates extremely poor judgment and decision making skills and his adaptive functioning is marginal. However, Nick's intellectual ability is in the superior range, with very superior verbal skills. His verbal skills are significantly more developed than his nonverbal skills; which is sometimes the case in individuals with Asperger's disorder; however, Nick does not demonstrate any deficiencies in academic achievement as if often co-morbid in inidividuals with Asperger's disorder, nor does he show any deficits in his higher level thinking skills. Quite the contrary, Nick demonstrated well developed abstract thinking, problem solving, cognitive flexibility, and the ability to sustain divided attention. Typically, individuals with Asperger's disorder demonstrate areas of relative weakness in some areas of higher level thinking.



Although limited past information was available for review, the information from his school and from his inpatient stay at age 15, does not mention any consideration of a diagnosis of Asperger's disorder and reported his problems with socialization to be primarily related to his social avoidance and social phobic behaviors. Presently, Nick demonstrates a marked fear of all social situations because he feels he does not know how to communicate and behave in these situations. When he is required to attend certain places, such as the grocery store, he reported that he needs to take Ativan to avoid a panic attack. Nick understands that his anxiety is well beyond what is typical and acknowledged that he is in no more danger than anyone else. His anxiety has significantly negatively impacted his ability to function in all domains including social, occupational, academic and interpersonal. Based on these symptoms that have been present for several years, a diagnosis of social phobia will be assigned.



Nick has demonstrated a pervasive pattern of social interpersonal deficits evidenced by his extreme discomfort with social interactions and his inability to develop close relationships. In addition, he also has cognitive distortions. He believes his family should be murdered because of his perception that they are "too conservative." He continues to be obsessed with a female, "Anna" that he met on the Internet and firmly believes she will be his wife despite her consistent refusal to have contact with him and police involvement. The relationships that he has developed on the Internet, based on his journal writings and the dialogue, appear to revolve around his expression of sexual and violent desires. These relationships seem to have a surreal quality to them as he described one female as his mother and another individual as his father and looks to them for parental advice. He demonstrates obsessive ruminations with explicit sexual and aggressive content and does not seem to understand that this is atypical, especially his focus on discussing his intense dislike for vaginas. His speech, although well developed, can be circumstantial and odd as when he described young girls as "being house-trained and able to speak in complete sentences." His affect is constricted and he demonstrates little to no emotion, he lacks close friends, and his social anxiety is pervasive and seems to be more associated with fears of being harmed rather than on negative judgments about himself. Based on records from the school and his previous hospitalization, as well as his report and his aunt's collateral information, these behaviors have been longstanding and likely represent a maladaptive personality disorganization. Based on these symptoms, Nick meets criteria for schizotypal personality disorder. While some of his behaviors are consistent with avoidant personality disorder, his social anxiety does not primarily seem to be the result of the fear of rejection. Additionally, his cognitive distortions and odd beliefs are more consistent with a schizotypal personality organization.



While Nick reported that his "friends" from the Internet have suggested to him that he has Asperger's disorder and he also feels this may be the case, there is limited historical information to support this diagnosis. Additionally, his performance on tests of higher level thinking skills indicated that his abstract reasoning, problem solving skills, and cognitive flexibility are very well developed, which is not typical. His problems with socialization appear to be more related to social anxiety and fears, rather than an inability to understand social cues or a lack of understanding about appropriate social behavior.



Nick has previously been diagnosed with major depression and he clearly meets criteria for this disorder at this time. He described that he has a pervasive depressed mood and finds little enjoyment in any activities. His functioning in all domains is impaired and he has great difficulty making simple decisions. His self-care is marginal, although he understands what activities of daily living should be completed, knows how to do them, and can functionally perform these tasks; he does not. He feels hopeless and worthless most of the time and has little motivation and energy. It appears that he has had several episodes of depression since at least his teen years, with few periods of remission. He reported that he feels little benefit from the medication.



With regard to his perported sexual arousal related to touching or viewing feces, he will be given a diagnosis of paraphilia, specifically coprophilia. While Nick describes wearing female clothes, it is not clear that this is related to sexual arousal as he described he specifically likes female clothes because they are "smooth and soft," and did not relate the activity to sexual arousal. While he has violent sexual fantasies and fantasizes about sexual activity with young girls, he denied that he has ever acted on these impulses.



Diagnosis



Axis I: 300.23 Social phobia

296.33 Major depression, recurrent, severe without psychotic features

302.9 Paraphilia not otherwise specified, coprophilia



Axis II: 301.22 schizotypal personality disorder



Axis III: none reported



Axis IV: Psychosocial stressors: problems with primary supports; occupational problems; other psychosocial and environmental problems



Axis V: Current GAF: 30

Highest GAF in the past year: 30



Recommendations



1. Nick is an individual who is suffering from several depressive symptoms that appear to be minimally responsive to medication and therapy at this time. In addition, Nick appears to have significant problems with cognitive distortions and his orientation to reality is tenuous. It is likely that his social isolation, which allows him to spend most of his day fantasizing, is contributing to his overall impairment. While Nick has not acted on any of his impulses, based on the level of specific violent details involved in his fantasies and his grossly impaired judgment, it is strongly recommended that Nick be referred to a partial hospitalization program where he can be supervised and treated on a daily basis. This type of environment will also be able to provide him with a safe environment with structure to work on decreasing his anxiety related to interpersonal contact. If Nick is unwilling to attend a partial hospitalization program, his status should be monitored frequently by his intensive case manager to determine if inpatient treatment may be necessary.



2. With regard to his violent sexual fantasies that involve both adults and minors, it is recommended that a comprehensive psycho-sexual evaluation be conducted as soon as possible. It is recommended that a residential treatment center be considered due to the violent nature of his thoughts.



3. With regard to his housing situation, Nick has questioned his ability to live independently. Presently, his judgment and decision making abilities are impaired and it is questionable whether he would be able to function appropriately if faced with an emergency in his home. Based on this, it is recommended that a residential program be considered.

THE INSIDES OF MY EYELIDS - THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF NICK BATE

September 1st, 1991. Nickalaus Boyd Stoutzenberger was born. The first several years of my life are fuzzy, and I only remember random bits and pieces. They are all useless, though. But what I DO know is that my family was, and still is, terrible. The years before kindergarten were spent in a small apartment house, having no contact with anyone outside the family at all. I also had no video games at this point, so I have no idea what I did for fun.

Then shortly before school began, we moved to a house right up the street from my grandmother, and from then on I often ran away to there whenever my family did stupid crap. Now, the next sequence of events, I don't know exactly what order they came in, but here they are:

-I got a Sega Genesis, launching my love of video games (but not RPGs just yet)
-My parents got divorced, and Dad ended up moving in with his sister. I remained with my evil mom.
-I started going to school.

School was always hectic. For the first few years, I often tried to run away from school, only to be retrieved by cops or my parents. Plus I always had difficulty with the work, and thanks to being kicked out for a few weeks, I fell pretty far behind. When I returned, they started having me do muliplication when I hadn't learned subtraction yet. It took me years to get the piece I was missing, but I eventually did it. And until fourth grade, I was actually labeled a 'gifted child' and was even put in a special program for such children. Unfortunately, I couldn't understand ANY of what they talked aboot in there, leading me to believe I was actually somewhere between average and gifted.

But then fourth grade came, and I remained at a third grade level, unable to learn anything new. I'm STILL there, actually. So needless to say, now I'm considered retarded. Anyway, fourth grade is always when I was sent to my first Special Ed class. I stayed in the same class with the same teacher (whom I hated then but now realize wasn't bad at all) until the end of elementary school. I also made my first friends there, and they hung out with me at recess, playing this live-action roleplay I devised, called The Nick Team. It was basically a ripoff of DBZ and Final Fantasy 9.

Anyway, school still proved to be hard, seeing as how for some reason I can't learn new things. Plus I got into the occasional fight or threw the occasional tantrum. Then middle school came. I went to a new school for about a week of middle school before my mom decided I should be homeschooled instead, due to my inability to get along with other people.

The homeschool years were the good ones. I spent most of my time playing video games and working on writing Nick Team stories, having no contact with people, et cetera. My dad also found a girlfriend, and I went there on weekends. Her son introduced me to Homestar Runner, and a new Nick was born shortly after. I came across the Homestar Runner Wiki via search, and I started using the Internet for message boards, wikis, instant messaging, etc. for the first time.

I made tons of Internet friends, a few of which I'm STILL friends with. I also started my own message board, which was the greatest thing ever to be on the Internet. My friends posted there. ...That's actually all that happened, really, but I think it was the coolest thing ever anyway. There were a few incidents in which I thought I was in love with come chicks, but they turned out to really be just obsessions that caused them to hate me, but of course I only realized the difference once I actually fell in love for real.

From the HRWiki, I spread to other websites, eventually discovering Bonus Stage, the greatest cartoon ever made. My first obsession. From this point forward, I started cycling through random obsessions every few weeks, and for the duration of them, they became the center of my universe. Then of course I abruptly find a new obsession and the cycle repeats itself. For example, during my Bonus Stage phase, I wrote lists of characters, episodes, etc. for no real reason, then tossed them onto a pile and never looked at them again. I also watched the episodes repeatedly all day long. The same formula applies to all my obsessions. During my They Might Be Giants phase, I listened only to Their music, wrote down the tracklistings of albums for no reason, etc.

Anyway, back to Bonus Stage. I helped set up the Bonus Stage Wiki, and there, I met Anna. Actually, she was also a friend of my first girlfriend, but I probably didn't pay attention until BSWiki. Anna quickly became my best friend and she shaped me into what I am today. She introduced me to a large percentage of my obsessions, and I swear, she has the same thing going on. She'd cycle through obsessions like that, too, and we usually had the same ones at the same time, so we constantly talked aboot them.

It didn't take long for me to fall in love with Anna. For real this time. She was fine with this at first, and even said she might marry me. Unfortunately, I told her too late, as she got a boyfriend. But I continued talking to her any chance I got, waiting for her to reciprocate my love for her. It was tough to get in contact, though, because I only went to my Dad's house every weekend (and sometimes there'd be some circumstances preventing me from going at all for months!), and my mom won't let me use her computer because she's one of those overly paranoid moms, blinded by the media, that thinks everyone on the Internet wants to kill or rape you, despite all the irrepudable evidence that my friends are actually who they say they are.

Still, it was the highlight of my life. All my time was spent trying to win Anna over, and when not online, I kept myself (midly) sane by doing roleplaying with myself (although by this time I scrapped the Nick Team in favor of The Coffee Crew), playing video games, and of course doing my weird obsession cycles. Still no friends, though, unless you count Macen, who sometimes came over to my house to join the roleplaying. But yeah, he was the only offline friend. I was actually pretty content for someone with no friends, other than the Anna thing.

Meanwhile, my mom (who got remarried) would have me arrested every few months, for trying to defend myself from being abused. Turns out, no matter what parents do to their kids, the kids can't fight back or they'll get arrested. Nice law, America. Anyway, I put up with it, because I always had Anna to look forward to. Eventually, though, I moved in with my grandmother, so Mom's antics occurred slightly less often. They still do happen, though. Most recently, her husband came and crushed my hand in a door for talking to my friends on the phone. Seriously. I have a recording of it.

But I digress. Homeschooling only lasted for four years, and for 11th grade, I was sent back to public school. Seeing as how I didn't even learn how to do middle school, high school was tough to adjust to. There was all the new jargon (Credits, for example. To this day, I don't know what a credit is or how you get them. Back in elementary school, all you had to do was get D's or higher in your work, and you graduate. But now you need credits. I don't get it.), the concept of "classes" (For some reason, now you have to go to more than one room, and you don't even get a single teacher to tell you where you're supposed to go.), and much more. Luckily, I was still in Special Ed, though, so I only had two classes and two teachers, both being special ed.

The first year sucked pretty bad. The work was getting easier, since it was special ed work, but I don't know how to handle social things. Most classmates were alienated by the roleplaying wih myself and obsession-having, while others beat me up for it. SOME people were all right and talked to me, but even then I wasn't really comfortable around other people. Then the second year came. It was better. The people who beat me up were gone, and all the new kids were pretty nice. They liked to read the Coffee Crew comics I drew and stuff. But unfortunately, everyone once again got the delusion that I'm gifted, and so halfway through the year, they put me in regular ed classes. TERRIBLE. IDEA.

The first problem was that they put me in computer classes, and I don't even like computers. Apparently they think you know how to program just because you're online all the time, talking to people. Then of course was my social phobias. People would always try to talk to me, and I don't know what to say and also I can't do eye contact. It just creeps me out. Staring at people's eyes feels weird. Then of course there's my social faux-pas. Since I don't know how to do anything that you're expected to just learn by yourself without being taught (such as eating, breathing, sex, bathing, etc.), I often did things terribly wrong. It took extremely specific directions for me to understand what to do. Luckily, one of the aides from special ed came with me to my mainstream classes, but it was still really, really difficult.

That wasn't the only area of my life that caused me great stress. On top of school and child abuse, Anna started to gradually hate me more and more. I started out being like, her best friend, but over time she began to yell at me and block me for a few days every time I told her I loved her. Even after she broke up with her boyfriend, mind you. Then one day (August 23, 2008, to be exact), she finally had enough. I'm not sure what exactly triggered it, but she decided to block me forever. Then she began writing on her blog or Twitter or whatever aboot how I'm creepy and should kill myself, and her friends joined the Nick-hatin' by DIRECTLY telling me to kill myself.

That's where I am now - Anna's still doing this stuff. And she caused a few of my friends to hate me, too, as well as cool people who weren't necessarily my friends but probably would have become friends had this not happened. So now my time is being spent thinking of way to win her back. Most of the stuff I've tried only made things worse, probably because of my retardation. Like, I tried asking advice on 4chan's /b/. ...Seriously. Not my best idea.

So basically, I put up with everything else and didn't kill myself solely because I wanted to marry Anna, and then THAT happened. It's like fate wanted to take a dump on my face, except I'm a coprophiliac, so instead fate VOMITED on my face. And in my mouth. And then I vomited THAT vomit back up. And it burned my insides something awful. The following is literally a list of my goals in life:

-Marry Anna, have kids with her, and be literally the greatest husband ever. Never get into arguments with her (kinda failed that part), never lie to her or hide things from her (that part actually screwed me over. go figure.), protect her from any dangers that may arise, always be romantic and surprise her with gifts and thoughtful acts, do all the housework, take care of her and the kids, cheer her up when she's sad, cook her meals, and just make her happy in general and always put her before myself.
-Never graduate high school (failed. yes, i failed at failing school. that's how much i fail.)
-Never have a job (note that my definition of a job is having a boss, having to travel away from home, and having a contract or other paperwork. i'll probably make money via google ads or my cartoons or something. i dunno, i'll ask anna what she wants once she's talking to me again.)

That's it. Literally. How much is that to ask, really? Not much, I'd say. And yet, all this difficulty attaining it. I've been working with my remaining friends to try to get Anna to unblock me so I can at least talk to her, and then work on things from that point. No luck so far. Plus, I recently found out she got a new boyfriend, so now I ALSO have to worry aboot those two having premarital sex, because I don't want Anna to ruin her life and afterlife. Plus there's all the other stuff I'm afraid might happen to her, which I can't stop because she's avoiding me. Plus every time I see that she's sad, there's nothing I can do to cheer her up. So as you can imagine I'm now paranoid beyond the point of insanity, and she's always on my mind, even when I'm trying to focus on video games or obsessions or whatnot.

The end.

ALSO, I ACCIDENTALLY GRADUATED.

Yeah. I graduated high school. The social worker at school told me I somehow already met all the requirements for graduation, so it was too late to drop out. I'm none to happy aboot this, considering now my life is ruined. And even if I kill myself, it wouldn't do any good either because I'll still be a high school graduate in the afterlife. I WILL BE THE ONLY DEPRESSED PERSON IN HEAVEN. >C To add insult to fatal injury, my aunt threw me a graduation party. But first, she took me out to the mall to get me an iPod. Finally. 'Cause, like, for the longest time now she's been buying me crappy generic MP3 players because she doesn't understand the concept of things existing that aren't brand names. So, she said once I graduate she'll let me pick out any iPod I want. This did not happen. When we got there, I showed her all the iPods and she decided they were too expensive and ended up only getting me an iPod Nano. A FUCKING NANO. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ONLY 8 GIGABYTES?! So that was a shitty graduation gift. Especially considering, ya know, my life and afterlife are fucking ruined and absolutely no good came of it. I did manage to buy a few things at the mall using my own money, though. Namely some pocky, another Rozen Maiden DVD, and the new Green Day album. Then of course was the actual party. Which I received NO GIFTS AT ALL at. We ate tacos, had cake, that was it. I mean, I got $95, but still. How do they expect me to buy things if I'm not allowed on the Internet? Then they sprayed me with silly string. They seem to think it's funny, but it's not. So yeah, it sucked pretty bad. So then I pretty much spent the rest of the day using the stuff I got from the mall and playing Pokémon, but then my mom got scared and said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo, holmes, to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie, "Yo holmes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom; I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

(NO AC) DC!

Despite the last week of school being optional for seniors, I went on Tuesday to go on a field trip with my class... to WASHINGTON DC. All in all I enjoyed it, but I get the feeling I was the only one.

But anyway, it was like a two or three hour drive to get to the metro from school. The metro itself took like fifteen minutes, and it was actually pretty cool. We got off near the Smithsonian, which was the first place we saw. One kid in my class really wanted to see the ruby slippers from the Wizard of Oz. And he did! I also saw the painting of Stephen Colbert, which really made my day. I didn't think it was still there, but it was. Another unexpected surprise was the actual chair from All in the Family. I admit, I kinda liked that show. As well as everything else that's ever been on Nick @ Nite.

We went to eat next. I don't know why we didn't wait until later, because we JUST got to DC. But yeah, we went to McDonald's, and much to my dismay, we all had to order our own stuff. AND I HATE HAVING TO TALK TO CASHIERS. SERIOUSLY. But I did it anyway, and indeed it was very awkward. Then more awkward came when I tried to find a place to sit. IT WAS PACKED, YO. I was prepared to just stand to eat, but eventually our social worker found some seats.

But yeah, enough aboot the DELICIOUS food of McDonald's. Everyone went and blew most of their money right afterwards (we were each allotted 30 dollars, for food, metro fares, and whatever else. souvenirs and shit.) at a stand right outside the McDonald's. Me, not wanting to talk to cashiers, didn't buy a damn thing. It pays to be anti-social sometimes.

I believe next we saw the White House. Possibly. It may have been later on. I forget, but I'll discuss it next anyway. Apparently they beefed up security, so you can't do tours anymore. So the closest we could get to the White House was outside the lawn, behind the fence. I got my picture taken in front of it, which is cool and hopefully it'll be emailed to me soon. But now that I think aboot it, maybe I shouldn't post it because one of my friends was in the picture, too, and I guess she doesn't like her picture being taken or something.

We also saw the Washington Monument, or as I like to call it, the Clinton Monument. (figure that one out) I wanted to go inside, but all the tickets for the day were sold out. No idea why, since it was just the beginning of the afternoon. But everyone except me had to either urinate or defecate, so next we hit the bathrooms at the WWII Memorial, completely ignoring the memorial itself. Man, we're dicks. I did see some old dudes in wheelchairs, though, so I assume maybe they were veterans themselves.

Then then Lincoln Monument! You know that giant pool you always see on TV? The one with the Washington Monument in the background? Apparently it's right in front of the monument. And Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his "I Have a Dream" speech there, too! We climbed the steps and went inside, and it was pretty cool. Turns out there's even some writing on the walls. I was one of only two people who actually read it. I'm not sure what it was, though. Maybe one of Lincoln's speeches?

If I recall correctly, it was at this point that we all stopped by these two stands. Being anti-social again, I stood around and watched as everyone else blew more money. The cashiers even tried to rip them off a few times. Eventually, I finally decided to buy a drink, because I'd been struggling with the heat all damn day long. Even had some dizzy spells throughout the day, plus I was drenched in sweat. So yeah, I bought a Mountain Dew. Fairly refreshing. My friend was surprised that I actually bought something. So was I, actually. Huh.

Then we proceeded to the Air and Space Museum. There was a note on the door telling us we couldn't have food or drinks in there. Quite ironic, really. So I quickly guzzled my soda and ran over to a trash can as fast as I could to throw the bottle away before I got left behind, which was really stupid because then I got nauseous and started dry-heaving. I wasn't aboot to puke in public, though, so I managed to keep it down. Anyway, then we entered the museum. I couldn't pay too much attention to it because I was still trying to stop myself from throwing up. I do remember being in an airplane, though. The bathroom in the plane was ridiculously small. I don't know how anyone could fit in there.

We weren't there for long, because everyone was really bored and wanted to go home. So was I, really, but only because I made myself sick. Also I think I was aboot to have a heat stroke, if I didn't already have some. So we took the metro back to where we parked. This time, I stood up, holding onto the railing, which was pretty fun. Once we got back to the vans, DAMN IT FELT GOOD TO BE OUT OF THE HEAT. Then I pretty much chillaxed for the two-to-three hour drive home. And that's it, basically. Hooray.

FINAL, MISCELLANEOUS NOTES:
*I didn't realize it before, but it turns out DC is an actual city. I always thought it was just the White House and the White House's lawn.
*At one point in time, we passed by the Treasury. I asked my history teacher if that was the place where you'd go to trade paper bills in for gold back when there was the gold standard, and she fist-pounded me for remembering things. Lol.
*I got my ass grabbed a few times. By a chick. Pretty hot.
*Also managed to hug some trees, and even made out with one. I don't think my classmates will ever be able to wipe that image from their minds.

OH, HELLO THAR.

I was offline for quite a while there, mainly because Dad's computer broke. But now I'm back and I can report stuff that's happened recently.

1. Unfortunately, I graduated high school. So now my life is completely ruined, and even if I killed myself, it wouln't do any good because then I'd STILL be a high school graduate in Heaven.

2. I managed to steal my laptop back from Mom. Not the other stuff, just the laptop. They told me for the longest time I'd get my stuff back when I graduate, but now that I did it they changed their minds, so I got PO'd and just took it back anyway.

3. So far, I haven't been kicked out of the house yet, but I still really wanna move anyway. I hate my family and my family hates me. I need to stay very far away from them.

4. Even though I'm a senior and thus don't have to go to school anymore, on Monday I'm going to a little party thing that the special ed class is having for its seniors. We're supposed to paint ceiling tiles. I dunno how to explain that. But yeah. I'm also gonna go Tuesday because we're going on a field trip to Washington, D.C. After that, though, I'm done with school. FOREVER.

5. I have still been playing Pokémon. Although, the other day it pissed me off so much that I kinda lost interest. See, I was EV training an Ampharos, and for some reason, it would NOT get its EVs. I have no idea why. I used 30 EV-givin' items on him, which should've given him 300 EVs. Then, I fought some Pokémon, counting each one, to get 56 more EVs. Since you can only get 510 EVs, there should've only been 154 left to get. So I went and beat the crap out of Pokémon for like, five cycles, making sure to use up all my PP each time (I had 65 PP total). Plus I equipped a macho brace. This should've been way more than enough, but something went screwy because the chick in Slateport will NEVER give me my effort ribbon. So I dunno. I guess I have to start over, but I really don't feel like it.

6. Now that I have my laptop back, I'm probably gonna actually start working on The Coffee Crew. Right now I'm working on making the opening and end credits.

7. I have a cold. It sucks.

I'm probably forgetting a lot of stuff, but I'll do more posts when I remember them.

ANOTHER WEEK DOWN.

Most of my week has been covered on Twitter, seeing as how I update it every like, hour. But here's a rundown anyway.

-Working on a Mudkip virtual pet game thing in Flash. It's going well so far. I basically taught myself Actionscript. But currently, I'm trying to figure out why it refuses to generate Mudkip's randomized nature. It gives "undefined" as the variable's value, even though I basically copy-pasta'd the same exact code for generating IVs and shininess and stuff, and THEY work correctly.
-Went to this grocery store with my half-sister, aunt and aunt's friend. My half-sister wanted to go because they had this fundraiser thing or whatever for the PTO/PTA, and 5% of shit you buy at the store goes to her school. So we went there and there were tons of stands giving out free stuff. Chicken fries, coffee ice cream, popcorn, pizza, hot dogs, chocolate milk, smoothies, etc. I enjoyed it. Especially the coffee ice cream.
-I haven't seen my one friend in school since I got mainstream classes. We WOULD have math together, but of course it was replaced with Computer Animation. And basically there's TWO special ed rooms, right next to eachother, and all us sped kids are divided up between the two during homeroom. I have room 242, she has 244. So normally we don't have homeroom together. But ALAS, my teacher had a meeting one day this week, and all her students got to go to the other room that day. Thus, I finally got to hang out with my friend! Then the following two days, I saw her again while I was hanging out, waiting for my aide to come to Computer Animation with me. My friend came over to visit me during this time before she had to go to class next door. Much hugging and good times occur whenever we hang out. Unfortunately, she's leaving for a week. :c Hopefully she continues to visit me between classes when she returns.
-My job trainer took me and three other kids to a job fair thing. Got me out of Video Game Design, too! ^_^ Also, after the fair, she took us to Wendy's. I got a frosty! It was good. I also witnessed two of my travel companions having an epic salt and pepper food fight.
-Been playing a buttload of Pokémon Emerald. I need to beat the League so I can trade with Fire Red, but alas, I STILL only have up to the sixth badge. My current team of Pokémon is Gardevoir, Marshtomp, Camerupt, Tropius, Tentacruel, and Marill. Marill is a really low level, so I'm not actually using him to progress in the story, but I need to max out his EVs so I can use him as the father to breed Mudkips. Also, I discovered that Tropius and Tentacruel can together learn all 8 HMs, so finally I can have GOOD attacks and still be able to cut those annoying trees down at the same time! Srsly, I hate HMs. They should not be required to progress in the game.

QUICK CHRISTMAS UPDATE

So uhh. I've been gone for a couple weeks. Not even keeping up with LJ or anything. So today, I finally get on a computer to set up my new MP3 player and flash drive and stuff, aaaand I find I'm still being talked about. Quite negatively, in fact. How many times do I have to say I haven't done any of the creepy stuff she's claiming I have? There's no shrine on my wall and I don't want to have sex with her in her sleep. And yeah, she's forgiven me a lot in the past. And I've always taken heed of her words and never made the same mistake twice, so there's no reason she should stop forgiving me for things. Well, especially since I didn't even do anything this time. Come to think of it, how did this even start? Regardless, I still can't give up. I have more un-dried-up resources left to use.

...And yeah I tried calling her. That one didn't work. I think she told her mom she didn't know me. Probably should've prepared for that scenario more thoroughly. Well, my school social worker is trying to get me a psychiatrist, so hopefully I can figure something else out with him/her. It'd be nice if Anna could come to the sessions to relay her side of the story, but yeah. She won't.

In unrelated news, my gifts this Christmas include the afforementioned flash drive (a 4 GB improvement over my old one), a generic mp3 player which isn't compatible with any of the iPod accessories that I also received, a cell phone (YES YOU CAN CALL ME AS LONG AS YOU DON'T HARRASS ME ABOUT YOU-KNOW-WHAT), and various small things that aren't important mainly because the giftbuyers obviously have no idea what my interests are. Speaking of, my current obsessions are Moral Orel and Dragonball Z. Weird combination, right?

Also, I've been hanging out with this kid I met on my bus. He drags me out of the house long distances on foot and usually leaves me to walk home alone, eats all our food, leaves my room a mess, cheats at video games, gets me in trouble by keeping me out past my curfew, consistently shows up at the wrong time, and oh yeah he caused permanent damage to both my arms. Now it hurts to move them and I have difficulty sleeping because of the pain. How do I get myself into these things? Other than all that, though, his heart's in the right place.

...my life's a mess. Save me.

THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN SCHOOL TODAY!

Today was the day we delivered subs to everyone who ordered 'em, 'cause we were selling subs to pay for a memorial pond thing for our teacher that died. I had to do an assload of runnin' around to do so; so much, in fact, that my thighs chafed. And of course I had one of my hot flashes. Again. Then we had this pep rally thing at the end of the day, so I was unable to pick up the subs I was supposed to deliver to my family. Eventually we drove back to school to get them, but YEAH!

Once I found the buses, I was approached by three friends from mah bus. I was asked to sit in the front with two of them, which is a rarity as I usually sit in the back with the other. So he was probably like "wtf nick" 'cause I didn't sit with him today. But the bus ride was hilarious. We discussed all kinds of crazy shit. At one point, my one friend told me to go to homecoming with her (which is today) and dance and stuff. I actually considered it, but then Dad came and picked me up, so now I can't. Meh.

I think I'll probably alternate between sitting in the front and the back of the bus so I can hang out with everyone equally.

Outside of school, I'm working on a video of all of Craig's lines in Bonus Stage. So far I've done all episodes up to and including CurSING!. I was also gonna do some other BS-related stuff, but this took the front seat because it's just so awesome.

CONCERT'D! (PLUS, BONUS TALES!)

Ugh, lack of Internet makes me sad. Anyway...

I went to that concert. It was good, until I had to leave. My aunt had work that night, so we only got, like, halfway through the setlist. I'll post a review on TMBW eventually.

Also, my CDs and stuff came. Same day as the concert, too. Gotta love the timing there.

Other than that, this has been a pretty shitty few weeks. I tried once again to drop out of school so I can get that out of the way and focus on, well, you know. "Rya". But people CONTINUE to not let me, so I opted to just stop going to school. Which also didn't work because my fucking aunt kept taking me in. At least school's a bit easier now that I'm out of the mainstream class and back into special ed all day. Also, the social worker in there is trying to hook me up with another psychiatrist. Plus, I had to write an essay about "Rya". I don't think I did as well as I could have.

Speaking of "Rya", I'm still trying to figure out how to get her back. It's hard to do so when I have no way of communicating with her. I'm getting a cell phone soon, but somehow I don't think she'd appreciate being called by someone she hates. So no. I'm kind of running out of ideas. =/

SO APPARENTLY I'M GOING TO A TMBG CONCERT.

Yeah, my school's guidance counselor (actually, I'm not entirely sure what that is) is apparently getting me tickets to a TMBG concert at the Chameleon Club on the 26th, as incentive for me to go to my class. Normally I would be uber-excited aboot this, but really nothing can lift me from this state of depression. Of course, I'll still go anyway, but... yeah... My heart's not in it.

This means I'll have to not drop out of school, unfortunately. But luckily, I came up with an alternate plan. On the first day of school, everyone had to go to this retarded assembly where they told us twelfth graders that whether we graduate or not, this is our last year. We're never allowed to go back to school again. So, I figure, all I have to do is flunk this year, and I'm done with school forever.

This way, I won't graduate, and at the same time, I'm not dropping out. So everyone wins! The only problem is, I have to actually go to school until June. Which... yeah... I can't do that. =/

Also, my family ONCE AGAIN won free tickets to a sporting event, so I was forced to go to a baseball game. But we were in a skybox with free drinks and ice cream, so I ate some "moose tracks" and didn't even pay attention to the game.

...YEAH.

As if my life didn't already suck enough for me to consider suicide (which I did many times over the past week), I have to go back to school, too. Most of the school day is the same as last year, other than the new teacher and new classmates, but then there's my mainstream class. I sat through it the first day, and saw for myself that there's no way I can possibly handle mainstreaming.

So then on the second day, I stayed in bed, hoping I could skip school entirely until September, when I'm old enough to drop out. That didn't work for me so well. My aunt took me to school. But instead of heading for my class, I headed to the special ed room to try to talk my teachers into dropping the class. That didn't work either. The social worker ended up walking me to it, and sat there with me the entire period.

On the third day, I tried the same tactic: staying in bed. My aunt came to drive me to school again. I tried persuading her to wait until my class was over and THEN drive me to school. Which of course failed too. This time, I got her to come in with me and talk to the special ed teachers. The ensuing conversation lasted aboot half the period, but eventually my aunt left. Luckily, this time I didn't have to go to class. Instead, I sat in the special ed room doing nothing for the rest of the period, which works for me.

Later on in the same day, someone from the school's office called me up there to meet with her, which I did. We talked aboot the class, then she walked with me down there to talk to the teacher of said class. The three of us decided that what we should do for now is have me pick up whatever work he has for me to do and take it down to the special ed rooms to do it, rather than sit in class. So I did that on the fourth day. And today there was no school, so I don't have to worry aboot it until Tuesday.

I'm still planning on dropping out, because on Monday I turn 17, the legal age I can drop out without parental consent. But they're giving me a hard time about it. The teachers are saying they won't let me, which I'm pretty sure I could technically sue them for because according to the state law, it's entirely up to me if I wanna drop out and it would be illegal for anyone to intervene in it.

So I'm not TOO worried aboot that, but I do still have to figure out HOW to drop out. I'm not sure if I'm just supposed to not go to school or if I'm supposed to fill in some paperwork or what. I figure it's the latter, but the problem is finding out when and where I have to go to do it. Like, do I do during or after school? And if it's during school, how the fuck am I supposed to get home since I can't ride the bus once I drop out? And am I supposed to go to the school office or what? I dunno, man. I'll have to ask around.

SCHOOL STUFF.

So yesterday I went out to school. They had this little meet-the-teacher thing to introduce the new teacher who's replacing Mr. Churchill. Though, actually, I already know her, so. Whatever. I went anyway, partially to get my fucking schedule changed, which didn't happen. So it turns out I'm stuck with mainstream classes. But I got to eat Milano cookies, which was cool.

For the first half of the year, I have "Senior Media Literacy", which from what I hear involves the class watching clips of TV shows and stuff, and then analyzing them. Everyone claims he's a good teacher and he'll probably get my pop-culture references, too. We'll see aboot that... I'll throw my most obscure TMBG/BS stuff at him. >_> Still, though, I'd rather just stay in special ed classes. I tried regular classes in sixth grade and the week or so that I was in seventh and it didn't work out.

Also, I'm trying to weasel my aunt into getting me that Bonus Stage shirt (among other things) by telling her I need new clothes for school. Mwahaha.

FUN FACTS - PART 2

More of those "more than you ever wanted to know aboot Nick" facts which may or may not be fun.

1. I tend to pick at my fingernails a lot. So much, in fact, that I never need to use clippers because I end up tearing the excess off completely, leaving behind sharp fragments which I later end up cutting myself with by accident.

2. I also have a habit of shouting profanities at my video game console when shit goes wrong. I think this may have come from my dad, who yells at the computer frequently.

3. Kind of an addendum to Part 1, actually. I can't snap my fingers. However, I can do something similar with my right index finger (not my left, which is weird because I'm left-handed).
4. I'm left-handed, but I learned guitar right-handed. This is because I didn't actually know they made special guitars for lefties until it was too late.
5. I've developed a habit of smashing my head into doors every time I enter or exit one. Not ALL the time, but fairly frequently. Mostly in school.
6. When I knock on doors, I do it to the tune of guitar riffs. My most common knock is Ana Ng, but I've been known to do Smoke on the Water and Hocus Pocus, too. It hurts my hands. And my head, when I knock using it. I'm probably going to give myself a concussion someday.
7. I'm officially left-handed, but there's also certain things I can only do with my RIGHT hand. Most notably: operating a computer mouse, wiping my ass... pretty much anything that requires hand-eye coordination except writing and masturbation, actually. I'm pretty clumsy with my left hand.

8. I learned to read before I started kindergarten. The story goes, my family read to me all the time when I was little, and somehow it turned around to ME reading to THEM. However, I don't recall any of this. But whatever. People also claim I'm really smart, which I guess I kinda agree with. Up to fourth grade, anyway. That's when they introduced division, and seeing as I hadn't mastered subtraction or multiplication yet, I struggled greatly. Though, I do also remember a few challenges before that. Like, in kindergarten, they had us doing this arts-and-crafts thing... we were making a Santa face out of construction paper or something... it was hell, man.

9. Speaking of school... they put me in special ed class in fourth grade (yes, same year as they introduced division), and due to escalating bullying (I mean, this one time, there were three or four kids ganging up on me in the hallway) I switched to homeschooling. This occurred in the very beginning of seventh grade. Then, foolishly, my parents decided to put me back in school in eleventh grade. This was a stupid idea because not only are kids STILL dicks, but I'm accustomed to the elementary-school setup of only having one class and having the teacher tell you where to go, and now they suddenly expect me to go to a bunch of different rooms without any direction. And they have this whole "credits" thing and a bunch of other weird terms like "marking period", "sophomore", "homeroom"... and they TAKE RECESS AWAY. WHY WOULD YOU TAKE RECESS AWAY?!

10. Perhaps my most notable habit (if you ever see my room, anyway) is my tendency to jot down random notes and then never look at them again, instead tossing them onto a pile somewhere. Usually my notes are hints for video games that I've looked up online, or ideas for a game/comic/RP I wanna do, track listings for albums, etc. Seriously... I have a huge tub in my room full of these things. They vary in age from a few weeks ago to back when I was a little kid. Oftentimes I'll stumble upon an old piece of paper and be completely clueless as to what I was thinking at the time it was written.

11a. I had this old live-action roleplay called "The Nick Team" that lasted for YEARS. Pretty much my entire childhood and early middle school. Eventually SKF replaced it, but whatev. Its storyline and characters changed constantly, but it always ripped SOMETHING off, whether it was DBZ or Digimon or Final Fantasy. Or all three at once, as in the case of the latest and greatest evolution. Of course, I was the only one who understood it, since what wasn't in my mind was written on those incomprehensible papers.

11b. Nevertheless, a few other kids joined in at recess. We pretty much ran around, punched the air, and pretended to shoot energy blasts. Actually...I kinda STILL do that, except with sticks that're supposed to be swords replacing the energy blasts. Needless to say, we [I] took [take] a lot of heat from other kids who were [are] dicks. Also, my mom, who tells me to "stop being stupid" whenever she catches me. Controversy grew near the end of sixth grade, when one of my Nick Team members kinda turned on us and reported one particular incident to the teachers. (This incident involved the use of "attacks" consisting of throwing urine-powered energy blasts at people. No idea how they could be made of urine and energy at the same time.) The Nick Team was banned, but we still did it anyway.

11c. Then, for the week or two I was in middle school, there was a literal crowd of people gathered around whenever I did my roleplays. They just stood in a circle around me and watched as I punched the air and stuff. I think maybe I should've told them I was pretending to punch someone, and that I wasn't just flailing around.

11d. Sometime during my homeschooling (I believe it may have been shortly after I started watching Bonus Stage), I was inspired to create my own Flash series (you may know it as SKF, though I'm thinking of a new name). So I gave up on The Nick Team and started on SKF. The two have nothing to do with eachother, other than that they share two characters (Nick and Goliath). And as for the posse and roleplaying, I still do the punching the air stuff (But now I only do it in my yard, and I use sticks as previously mentioned, plus I pull off some wicked awesome techniques and combos. But sometimes it gets so vicious that I accidentally whack myself with the stick, which fucking hurts. Plus it kinda ruins the roleplay because then I have to go back in the house to wash my injury and cry.), and nobody roleplays with me. A few peeps are kinda interested in my comics, though.

Those last few were way too long.

SUMMER KINDA SUCKS.

I never really do anything over the summer. Nothing I don't do during the school year, anyway. Y'know, play some video games, instant message people. That's it. Which bugs me. I wanna actually DO something before school starts again. I only have a week of school until I drop out anyway, but still, man.

Also, I'm looking into buying a house when I do drop out. Or rather, I'm looking into getting KN to buy a house for me. I have my eye on a nice one right now, which I'll show him whenever he gets his ass online.

I'll... I'll try to start actually having a life once I settle into my new place.

MY SCHOOL RICKROLL'D ME.

Greatest thing ever happened. The other day, on the school announcements, they played Never Gonna Give You Up during the "Today for Lunch" segment, while "You just got RICK-ROLLED" scrolled across the bottom of the screen. Best school announcements ever. Too bad I was the only one who knew what a Rickroll was.

Also, school's over for the summer. And I only have a week next school year until I'm done... FOREVER. =D

JUST A QUICK ONE.

I haven't been online for a while, because I haven't been going to Dad's house, and therefore lacking Internet. But never fear - lately I've been getting on Mom's computer with my sister, so I can check email and stuff, just not IM.

Soo... I've been getting into The Beatles a lot, for one thing. I have all their canonical albums (UK versions plus US Magical Mystery Tour), in MP3 format. Quality sucks ass, though. A lot of skipping in certain tracks, but it gets me by.

Also, I've been getting back into Digimon again. Not as much as in middle school, when I was so convinced that Digimon Adventures 1 and 2 were real that I bit the leg of anyone who said otherwise (symptom of a mental illness, perhaps?), but it's definitely another one o' my usual obsessions. I'm pretty into Digimon World 2.