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Showing posts with label Jessa. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jessa. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

It is NOT Good To Be Alive

My month reset so here I am online again mostly to grab the latest few Dial-A-Song tracks and that live album of Flood they just released. I have a few other minor chores too but TMBG is always the priority. P.S. I'm getting kinda PO'd that They still haven't released the tracklist of Glean yet. It's just a little over a month until it comes oot. No cover art either. Usually this stuff would've been revealed a couple months ago. Sigh. My hope is that They're taking so long with it because They want to keep secret that No Answer is on it. There are a few things that need to happen before I die. Marrying Wife and having kids, obviously. But No Answer being on an album is another big one.

Oh Lord. So, a detective and I guess social worker finally talked to me aboot the frickin' allegations. They're convinced I did it I guess because of the chat log where I said I did. I told them I was lying in the log but apparently they don't believe me. They tried to get me to confess with the promise of a lighter punishment but I'm aware of hoo the U.S. legal system works. They promise you you'll get off light but then after you confess they renig and you're screwed. So I remained adamant and didn't give a false confession. The problem is, no matter hoo much I deny I did it and also the fact I've never been alone with her they still think I did so I don't know what's gonna happen noo. For those of you who're Christian, keep me in your prayers and request I don't go to jail or anything.

My aunt was saying I might end up with mandatory therapy. I guess that wouldn't be so bad considering I'm in therapy anyway but they'll probably try to make me stop being pedosexual or some crap. People still don't understand there's nothing wrong with pedosexuality. It's just a normal fetish like any other, like me and butt stuff or whatever. I said it in my last entry but it bears repeating, NAMBLA needs to step up their game. Not being pedosexual WOULD be easier; I would avoid a lot of harrassment and stuff but as you all know I stick to my beliefs and the right thing to do is to face my persecution with dignity like any martyr. I just hope one day the world will accept us.

They asked me what all online accoonts I have. I can't even think of them all off the top of my head and I forgot LJ and Last.fm. And probably others I STILL can't remember. I need a hub that keeps track of my accoonts. Well, I HAD one but it got hacked. Well anyway, I'm sure they'll find this through my Twitter and my Last.fm is NickBate.

I don't know why my luck is so shitty. I'm a good person. I'm nice to everyone, I platonically love cats and volunteer with them sometimes, I've never done anything bad, and my entire life is dedicated to making life better for Wife. Why does life shit all over me?

Then as if the day wasn't bad enough (which is ironic because before that, the ootlook looked good due to today being a Dial-A-Song day) my aunt then made me do stuff aroond my apartment like clean up all the vomit, vaccuum and wash the feces off the walls and doors. And she sprayed Febreeze or something all over the place and I'm pretty sure she wasn't careful to avoid my cups I had sitting aroond so noo I'm gonna have to clean them or else be poisoned next time I drink. -_-

I've been kinda slacking off on all my spiritual stuff. I've been meaning to get more into the kind of meditation ("japa", I believe?) that makes stuff you want to happen happen so I can marry Wife with it. I've been doing it on occasion but I need to step it up. Also, sometimes I send my ki energy into Wife's butt. I don't really know why. I think on some subconscious level I'm hoping she can feel it in her butt and it feels good and it makes her want to do anal with me.

I wonder if Jessa has a vagina. I hope not; that'd be disgusting. I want to be the really close kind of roommates with her that see eachother nekkid all the time but obviously I don't wanna see any vaginas. I know she's had sex even after she unfortunately stopped doing anal (which I hope she resumes doing at some point, of course) but I don't know the details. It could've been fellatio or anilingus or whatever. Vaginal intercourse is The Worst and I wouldn't wish that on anyone except like, Satan and Jack Thompson.

Ed Note: Entries like this make me happy he is in prison. He contradicts himself. He says he was never alone with AO. There are plenty of live journal entries where he writes about playing video games with AO.

Friday, February 20, 2015

I'm "gleaning" LJ entries

My main focus has been on Dial-A-Song. I have something to look forward to every Tuesday for the ENTIRE YEAR. I don't know what I'm gonna do come 2016, but it's a long way off so like maybe Wife'll reciprocate by then. I'm finally able to actually doonload the tracks since I decided to email the IFC aboot not getting the Drip.fm invitation and they resent it. I can only get online twice a month so I have to wait a while though. Meanwhile I call the phone number and record the current song that way.

Also, info on the new album finally surfaced. Apparently it's going to be called Glean and will have 16 tracks including Erase, Glean, Music Jail and Underwater Woman. I'm betting I Can Help The Next In Line and Let Me Tell You Aboot My Operation will make it too since they feature guest artists and those usually make it onto albums. The vast majority of b-sides are just TMBG themselves.

Lately I've been on the receiving end of a lot of harrassment aboot my pedosexuality due to certain (false) accusations aboot me. People don't seem to understand that just because I'm pedosexual doesn't mean I'm a rapist. I'm a good person and I just fantasize aboot children and it's no different from any other fetish. I wish NAMBLA would step up their game and do some widespread educating aboot pedosexuality to remove the social stigma. Even the most liberal people discriminate against us and it SUCKS.

It's been really cold lately. I usually like it to be a bit nippy but even I have been wearing my jacket indoors, when I'm not curled up under a blanket on my chesterfield. It's been this way ever since one of my heaters stopped working. And due to the cold, my pipes under the sink froze, which caused a leak somehoo. My aunt and her friend (who if you recall are my landlords) were over fixing it all day yesterday. It was annoying in and of itself but they also kept scolding me aboot perceived chores I supposedly needed to do like washing the dishes and vaccuming cat litter off the floor. Stuff that's way too much for me.

I need a roommate to help me with stuff like that. I wish Jessa aka Mum would move in with me. I asked her once but she said no. I was also thinking maybe we could be life partners until Wife reciprocates. I should talk to her aboot that but I don't know hoo to contact her since she deleted her Twitter accoont. Also, I think she should become a guru because she's spiritual and benevolent. I've been thinking aboot her a lot lately. That's not really new though.

A thing I did recently that I really liked was volunteering with cats. It was mostly cleaning oot their litter boxes, feeding them and watering them. I got to play with a couple a little too though. I'm gonna do more cat volunteering tomorrow and probably every month until I age oot of the program I'm in in September. On the subject of cats, mine just recently realized he likes snuggling with me on the chesterfield at night. I guess he's keeping warm in the cold.

A bit ago I decided I'm transage. And I've been transgender for many many years. So long story short, I'm a little girl. I've added a new song, I'm A Little Girl, to my repertoire alongside all my songs aboot buttsex. Have I mentioned I like anal intercourse? Also, I hate vaginal intercourse. It would be nice if I never had to have vaginal intercourse but Wife will probably want me to. Sigh.

I forget when I did my last LJ entry. I might've gotten Pokémon Omega Ruby since then. If so, then I'd like to point oot that I've been playing that. I want to trade over my perfect Pokémon I bred in X but have no way to do so. I ended up breeding a few new ones. I'm not having much luck in the Battle Maison though. Unfortunately, my favourites are terrible and useless except maybe Mega Gardevoir.

I also went bowling with Dad again. I forget if I LJ'd aboot the last time I did so which was I think last month. I tweeted aboot it but I like to LJ aboot stuff too. LJ lets me expand on premises because there's no character limit.

I accidentally

Ed Note: We all know what he is doing in 2016. Well, until at least 2032. Seriously, he went with the trans age thing? Is he every sick LOL Cow trait all in one person?!

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Hi, hoo's it going?

Well, hello there Children Of The Butt. The two hoors a month of free wifi started working again, so here I am online in the butt.

My life's been pretty good lately if you ignore all the bad stuff. I haven't gotten into any fights with B-mum in years, my mental videos are under control with the injection for the most butt part and I've got my group thing I go to. Plus I started therapy again and that's going well. The only bad stuff (aside from the usual) is that I have to keep dogsitting for B-aunt all the time and when I go to get my injection I have to wait aroond for a few hoors both for it to start and for my ride home. Both things are pretty unbearable though.

On the brighter side of the butt, I signed up for the TMBG Instant Fan Club. Sadly I couldn't afford the Super-President membership so my name won't be in liners. Maybe someday. Also, I'm excited for Dial-A-Song to return (albeit to the Internet). I hope No Answer pops up somewhere, preferably on the next adult album. I'm ALWAYS hoping that though. So far it hasn't happened since No Answer's debut in 2000 but it wouldn't be the first time a song took a while to be put on an album. Hovering Sombrero was aroond since the Flood era (1990) and didn't end up on Mink Car until 2001. That's 11 years, if my butt-math is butt-correct.

TV shows are back for the 2014-2015 season. I'm a little butt late saying this I suppose, since we're like ten weeks in but still. I'm keeping up with The Big Bang Theory, Family Guy, American Dad!, Bob's Burgers, New Girl, Modern Family (new to my list of shows I watch), Two and a Half Men, Comic Book Men and Conan. As you can tell I mostly watch comedies. With the exception of Doctor Who, which is already over for the year.

I miss freemium Facebook games. Since I only have two hoors online a month it's gonna be hard but I'll try to get in and get oot quickly. I mainly play Farmville 2, Flooer Shop and Ninja Kingdom. Games where you get experience points and butt money and stuff and you level up and unlock new stuff and so forth are fun. Speaking of, the new Pokémon games are oot. I asked for Omega Ruby for Christmas since I spent all my money on the IFC.

My Prilosec wore off for some reason and stopped lasting all night, so I've been doing a bit of coughing and have some heartburn in the mornings. I went to the doctor (not THE Doctor) and she switched me to butt Zantac. Sadly not a suppository. That "butt" was misleading, sorry. Anyway, the Zantac didn't work at all. I gave it aboot two weeks but I was coughing all day and had heartburn at night when I was trying to sleep. And I threw up several times. It was basically like I wasn't taking anything at all. So noo I started taking my Prilosec again. At least it's better than the Zantac. I dunno what my next move is. I don't really wanna go back to the doctor again. Maybe I can just call.

I started a butt accordion fund. Whenever I get money I'm gonna insert half of it into the fund. I think there's like $20.91 in there at the moment. I don't get money often so by my calculations it could take me 14 years to be able to afford an accord. ...ion. Butts.

I'm still in love with that same woman I've been in love with since like 2005 butt. I call her Wife because apparently I'm not supposed to use her name. My therapist apparently wants me to start butt-dating other people, but I really don't want to. I don't see it going well. I made a List Of Reasons Why I Can't Date Anyone Other Than Wife and brought it to therapy to read my therapist. I also brought in a couple of my drawings because she wanted to see my art. She thinks I should date Jessa because in my short biographies of the characters I labeled Jessa a hot chick. I guess I wouldn't mind dating Jessa but I'm still in love with butt-Wife, so. But I do desperately need to stick it in a butt, so I could do that. I actually meant "butt" that time.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Ann's Side of The Story on Kiwi Farms

Ancani

Ancaniuwu flower emoji
Verified


Hello, this is Anna. Yes, that Anna. Seriously. I know I cannot prove to you that it is, in fact, me, but please read this regardless. I want to address what happened and give my side of the story, and to address a few bits of misinformation. I do hope this info is of use.

This is gonna be a long post, and I do apologize for that; however, the full story is far too long to condense. Given the length of it, I'll post it under a spoiler.


Nick and I first met on a wiki for a long-forgotten webtoon several years ago. I was, I believe, 13 at the time--possibly 12, but given the timeline, 13 seems a bit more probable, so it almost certainly would have been in 2006 (my birthday is fairly early in the year). We became fast friends, because I was too fucking stupid to see that he was a creepy bastard.

In retrospect, there were a number of red flags that I really wish I had noticed. He was always clingy towards me, and frequently brought up his creepy fetishes. But, again, I didn't really notice. (Gimme a break--I was 13 and stupid.)

We actually became close enough that we would write actual, physical letters to each other. I had--and continue to have--several penpals, and I trusted him enough to give him my mailing address. This was, obviously, a huge mistake. So was exchanging cell phone numbers with him. Say it with me: I WAS 13 AND STUPID.

Now, there's one thing that I must note: I never gave Nick my home phone number or my street address. (The latter is different from my mailing address--my podunk little town runs on the P.O. box system.) This will be important later on.

His behavior didn't truly start scaring me until sometime in 2008. I remember him comforting me after a falling-out with a friend, which occurred about midway through the summer, but I was already starting to get a bit weirded out by the guy at this point. I wish I could remember what the straw that broke the camel's back was, but I really don't. All I know is that at some point, I blocked him on every IM client I used at the time.

For the next few months, I kept my fears secret from my parents, out of (unfounded, thank God) concern that they would blame me for what had happened. I distinctly remember my mom telling me I'd received a letter from him in (I think) October of 2008, and I told her to throw it away, saying he had been a dick and we weren't friends anymore. (Technically true, I suppose, but reductive at best.) However, this cover was blown late in the year--at some point in either late November or December, he called my house.

As I mentioned before, I NEVER gave Nick my home phone number, so I was naturally terrified. Luckily, my mom managed to cover for me, and was able to hang up. He hasn't called back since, as far as I know.

Obviously, the whole story came spilling out then. I'm very, very fortunate that my parents have been loving and supportive throughout this whole trial.

I must admit that I did not completely cut off contact with Nick at first. In fact, my old Twitter shows that I still talked to him up until late August of 2009. (Dumb as fuck of me, I know.) None of what I said to him was pleasant. Here are a few notable tweets from that old account of mine.http://i.imgur.com/MBoMGhi.png

Additionally, a (former) friend of mine by the name of Jessa--who I believe has been mentioned in this thread a few times--would try to organize "Anna Therapy", as she called it, in an attempt to make him less obsessed with me. This "therapy" consisted of MSN conversations between the three of us. Needless to say, it did absolutely nothing to help.

Fast-forward a bit, to 2011 and the infamous 789chan thread(s). This was where Maddi entered the picture--she had also been dealing with harrassment from Nick, and, if I recall correctly, may have been the OP of the initial thread. (She and I are actually pretty good friends these days, but that's irrelevant.) I also recall having to get my cell phone number changed roughly around the same time, since Nick would not stop texting me.

Another notable thing about 2011 is that I lost my virginity that year. Nick was insistent that this never actually happened and that I was lying about it. (When I came out as gay about a year and a half later, having realized that I wasn't actually attracted to men, he took that as "proof" that we hadn't "done stuff".) He began threatening to kill my then-boyfriend (who admittedly did egg Nick on a bit, though certainly not enough to earn death threats).

In general, Nick has not approved of any of my life decisions, such as starting college or dating people who aren't him. Hell, I'm pretty sure he didn't even want me to finish high school--I know he viewed dropping out as some sort of achievement, and I'm sure he was unhappy that I did, in fact, graduate.

I should also note that, fortunately, Nick has not attempted to contact me directly for a few years now. This is a small mercy, however, given that--as you all know, of course--he still tweets about me incessantly. I live in genuine fear that someday he'll try to contact me again, or worse, show up outside my house.

And that's the story from my end. I've probably forgotten a few things, but that's the general gist of it.

Now, to clear a few things up and add some extra info:

-I'm not sure where the idea that I was born in Canada came from. I was born in North Carolina and moved to California when I was six, and have never been a long-term resident of any other country, Canada obviously included. It's possible there's some confusion with Jessa there, since she actually is from Canada; however, I seem to recall him having an obsession with the country pretty much since we met.

-Regarding the Amber thing, I'm not sure he ever brought it up with me. (The Anna he was chatting with in the IM log posted in this thread is the other Anna, the one who lives in Britain or something. I don't know much about her, just that she's also named Anna.) However, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that he did indeed molest her. I'm fairly sure he did admit to me that he's a pedophile, and given everything else about him, I've no reason to doubt that.

-Humorously enough, several of the things on Nick's "ideal girlfriend" list don't apply to me. I have several piercings and a tattoo with plans for more of both, I'm an agnostic deist rather than a Christian (though I was raised Anglo-Catholic), I'm actually a bit flinchy about physical contact and thus wouldn't call myself a "hug monster", I have a vagina, I'm not into poop, and I'm not a virgin. The one that strikes me as odd is the "not a vegetarian" thing, though. I was actually raised vegetarian, and remained so until I was around 17. I guess that just proves how little he cares about me as a person, that he doesn't know that.

-I'm sure this has already been mentioned, but Bate isn't his real last name--his full name is Nickalaus Stoutzenberger. (Yes, really.) He's also been using "Nick Nickel" as an alias lately, as shown on his Twitter--Nickel being my last name.

-Any references to someone named "Jo" on his Twitter are of special note. My given name is Johanna, though I've gone exclusively by Anna since before meeting Nick. Jo was a childhood nickname, and for some time he used that on his Twitter to refer to me, apparently as an incredibly shitty attempt at obfuscating who he was truly referring to.

-My family and I did attempt to get the authorities involved--several times, in fact. However, the sheriff dismissed our concerns entirely, and the DA was unable to do much given the fact that Nick lives in another state.

All in all, Nick is a terrible excuse for a human being. He's an abusive, manipulative borderline sociopath with no regard for other people, he's quite likely delusional (I say "quite likely" because it's entirely possible he doesn't believe a word he says about fate and God and all that), and he's disgusting on every possible level. I truly hope he gets locked up, and frankly I won't feel entirely safe in the world unless and until he does.

Thanks for reading. I hope I was able to shed some light on the situation.

Ed Note: Here's the link. 

Monday, July 8, 2013

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Nick Bate Mother's Day Coupons

My gift to my surrogate mum Jessa this past Mother's Day. This is the cover on which I drew the two of us and some scenery, and then inside I put coupons for like chores, going oot to dinner, sexual intercourse, etc.





Ed Note: I enlarged it, but it is still impossible to read. What I can read of it is basically a coupon for a date, sexual intercourse and wtf is that dildo in the top right hand corner?

Friday, May 10, 2013

COMPREHENSIVE PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION

NICKALAUS STOUTZENBERGER

MAY 10, 2013



Identifying Information

Birth Date: 09/01/91

Gender: Male

Age: 21 years, 8 months

Race: Caucasian



Community Systems Involved:

TEAMCare Behavioral Health, LLC: Therapist - Tara Tumility; Psychiatrist - Dr. Biever

Community Services Group, Intensive Case Management - Chad Wickenheiser



Reason for Referral

Nick was referred for a comprehensive psychological evaluation by his outpatient therapist, Tara Tumility, to clarify diagnosis and to determine if Nick's demonstrated social weaknesses may be related to cognitive defects, personality factors, and/or a developmental disability.



Relevant Information



Background History



Strengths



Nick is a 21 year, 8 month-old Caucasian male, with self-reported strengths that include an interest in music, writing and drawing. Family strengths include a supportive maternal aunt who provides housing and money management for Nick. She has also arranged for a variety of services for him. These areas of individual and family strengths represent domains that can be further developed for use as a foundation for a strength-based plan.



Family



Nick is presently living alone in an apartment in Columbia, PA which is owned by his maternal aunt, Joyce. He has never married and he has no children. His parents are divorced; his mother is remarried and his father resides with his girlfriend. Both his parents live locally, but Nick reported that he does not see them often. He reported that his mother and step-father will not allow him to come to their house although Nick reported that he does not know what prompted that decision. When he inquired about this to his step-father, Nick indicated that his step-father said, "You know why." Nick reported that he does not like his mother or step-father because "they are very conservative and not very tolerant." He acknowledged that his aunt, Joyce, is his primary social support, but he reported that he does not have a good relationship with her. His main source of conflict with her is that she controls his money and will not allow him discretion with his purchases; specifically she will not allow him to purchase women's clothing for himself. Nick did report that he was in agreement with her being his representative payee because he feels that he would not be capable of managing his own money.



Nick does have a 10-year-old maternal step-sister and he reported that he has a good relationship with her, but he is not allowed to see her without a parent present. He denied any past violence or inappropriate behavior towards her.



Nick lived with his biological parents until they divorced when he was a young child. Nick reported that he does not recall much about his childhood, although his aunt reported that his father was alcoholic, abusive, and unpredictable. His aunt could not recall any specific incidents. Nick remained living with his mother when his parents divorced and after his mother's second marriage. Nick was homeschooled for a period of a couple years in high school. His aunt, Joyce, was his primary instructor. After Nick completed high school, his aunt assisted him in applying for social security disability, helped him to get connected with a mental health case manager, and allowed him to live in an apartment that she owns.



With regard to his living situation, Nick has concerns about his ability to live independently. At one point, his voice became loud and he appeared to be in distress and stated, "Why would these people even think I could live alone?" He reported that he is fearful to leave his house or to answer his door. He acknowledged that his decision-making skills are poor at this time. When asked what he would do if there were a fire on his stovetop, he responded, "I would have to text my aunt." When further prompted, he said maybe he could put something over the fire because he did not think you could throw water on a stove, but at no point did he mention calling 911 or using a fire extinguisher.



In terms of family psychiatric history, his aunt reported that his maternal grandmother was diagnosed with dementia recently and may have previously been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Some extended cousins are reported to have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Family substance abuse is significant in that Nick's father was reportedly an alcoholic and according to Nick, his father also abused marijuana, allowing Nick to smoke with him.



Cultural Considerations



Nick's family composition is Caucasian. There is no report of any adverse impact as a result of cultural factors. There is no report of any negative impact due to environmental factors. Nick reported some concerns with his finances as he is currently receiving Social Security Income. Nick indicated that he does not have a religious affiliatio.



Developmental/Medical



Several attempts were made to reach his mother, Carol Osborne, to obtain developmental and collateral information. His mother could not be reached directly, but she did leave a message reporting that "he has always been a problem." His aunt, Joyce, did not recall any problems during his mother's pregnancy or his delivery. She did not recall that he had any developmental delays and commented that "he was always pretty smart." There is no indication that Nick ever received any early intervention services. By his own report, he was able to read prior to entering kindergarten.



Medically, Nick reported that he does not have a primary care physician. He denied any history of seizures, head trauma, unusual illness, or medical hospitalizations. He is not aware of any allergies to medications or environmental agents. He is not being treated for any medical problems. He did report concern about a chronic cough, but reported that he was told by a physician that it was likely due to allergies. He is presently prescribed Viibryd for anxiety and depression and he also has a PRN prescription for Ativan which he reportedly uses two times per month when he goes grocery shopping. He reported that he takes his medication as prescribed and follows with Dr. Biever, his psychiatrist, on a regular basis.



Trauma History



With regard to trauma, Nick denied any history of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. He denied any history of neglect. Nick's aunt, Joyce, reported that when he was young and his parents were still married and living together, his father would frequently come home intoxicated and would be verbally abusive and destructive to property. His aunt also recalled an incident where Nick's father spanked him at school and "somebody checked into that." Nick's parents divorced sometime during his elementary school years, although he could not recall what age. He continued to live with his mother and visited with his father on a regular basis. Nick has not been involved in any human-made or natural disasters.



School/Vocational



Nick attended Penn Manor School District and paperwork from this district indicated that he was placed in full-time emotional support in 4th grade, although a copy of his psych-educational evaluation is not available for review. His present educational levels during the 2001-2002 school year noted the following: "Nick is usually very quiet in class and at times cooperative in class. He works well in 1:1 situations with staff and in small groups. He receives 48 to 52 points per day on his point sheet (52 possible points). Nick loses the most points in the area of respect and class rules. He continues to exhibit difficulty with peer relationships which is demonstrated by his inappropriate behaviors to peers. Until recently, Nick did not interact with others on the playground and often chose to remain in the classroom during recess. He is unable to accept consequences for his inappropriate actions, and repeatedly states, 'I didn't do anything.' Nick is extremely emotional and takes everything to heart."



His strengths were noted to be superior intelligence, creative talents, visual sequencing, wide vocabulary skills, verbal reasoning skills, abstract reasoning abilities, academic abilities. His needs were described as increase compliance with school rules/expectations, increase appropriate social interaction with peers, specifically to lessen physical aggression toward peers, increase ability to seek help when needed and to develop strategies to deal with anxiety and withdrawal.



There is no other school information available until he returned to Penn Manor High School as a junior. Nick was homeschooled during his 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th grade years. When Nick returned to the public high school, he was enrolled in full-time emotional support. Information from his IEP that year noted, "since enrolling in Penn Manor School District as a junior, Nick has been doing very well academically and behaviorally." Observations indicated that "his teachers describe Nick as quiet, intelligent, and funny. In class, Nick will sit quietly and rarely offer answers or participate in class discussion without teaching prompting." It is also noted that, "Nick needs to improve his social skills. Nick avoids high social areas such as the cafeteria and hallways, even with peer prompting to join. Nick sometimes makes comments or acts in ways that has a tendency to draw negative attention to himself - such as sucking on his hair or moaning for no apparent reason."



Nick reported that when he was younger, he would frequently get into fights with his peers at school. He could not recall if he initiated the fights. When he returned to school as a junior, Nick reported that he spent most of his time sitting at a desk drawing and peers would approach him to talk and/or comment on his drawings. He described these peers as his friends but reported that he never had contact with them outside of school by his choice.



Transition planning indicated that Nick's future goal was "to be a househusband and Nick has given little thought to other options, even with prompting from the teachers and the job trainer."



Nick graduated high school, although he cannot recall the exact year. He thinks it was 2008 or 2009.



Vocationally, Nick has helped his mother at her flea market stand a couple times, but other than this he has no employment history. He is presently receiving social security disability based on his diagnosis of major depression.



Community/Peer Relationships



Nick does not have any peer relationships in the community. He has a strained relationship with his family members. He developed a relationship with some individuals online when he was a teenager. One individual is "Anna" and she has blocked all contact with him, although he continues to make attempts to contact her electronically. Nick firmly believes that he and Anna will eventually marry and he continues to ignore her request to not contact her, and the more recent request of the police, to stop all contact with her. He believes that she resides in California, but stated that he has no plans to go to California to find her "because I would need an escort because I wouldn't know how to go about getting there." He also reported that he will continue to try to contact her, although "I wouldn't commit a major crime to reach her, but probably a misdemeanor." He continues to have frequent contact with a young woman, "Jessa," and Jessa's fiancé, "William." Nick refers to Jessa as his mother, but reported that he does not really like William, but maintains contact with him because of Jessa. Reportedly Jessa is his age. He commented how he had gotten her some coupons for Mother's Day. There is another individual, "Thom" who Nick met online and Nick refers to his as his father.



With regard to intimate relationships, Nick reported that he has never had a girlfriend that he has met in person and he reported that the only girlfriend he has ever had is "Anna", although he has only had electronic communication with her and it is not clear if she ever reciprocated his feelings. Nick has never been sexually active with a female or male and he reported that he regards himself as heterosexual. He reported that he has crossdressed since he has been a teen, but he does not currently have access to women's clothes. He reported that he frequently masturbates and that he feels his sex drive is "more active than most people." He enjoys pornography that involves feces and he reported that he frequently fantasizes about having anal sex, consensually and forcibly with females. He also reported that his sexual fantasies include young girls who "can talk in full sentences and are house-trained, but not yet like real women." He denied that he has ever approached or had any sexual contact with a minor. He admitted that he tried to find female child pornography online in the past, but he was reportedly unsuccessful. When this evaluator told him that this type of activity is illegal, he indicated that he did not understand why that would be.



Nick is not involved in any community activites and reportedly only leaves his apartment to go to appointments and to grocery shop two times monthly. He spends the majority of his time at home alone, communicating with the above individuals electronically. Nick reported that he does not recaqll ever engaging in any community or school activites.



Drug & Alcohol/Legal



In terms of substance abuse history, Nick reported that he used alcohol one time several years ago while with his father. He consumed one "Jell-O shot". Nick reported that he used marijuana approximately 20-30 times with his father when he was a young teen. He reported that he has not used marijuana in at least 4 years. He denied any history of using any other type of substance. He denied any history of abusing prescription or over-the-counter medication and he does not take any herbal supplements.



In the legal sphere, Nick reported that he was arrested twice as a juvenile. His memory of the exact indicents is not clear, but he believes both incidentes may have been related to aggression and/or threats to his mother. He stated that he was on probation for these incidents. He denied any arrests as an adult. He was aware that the police had recently contacted his aunt related to his attempts to contact a female via the Internet, but he reported that "they did not approach me directly." He reported that he has continued to try to contact a female, "Anna", despite her direct request that he not contact her and she has blocked all communication from him.



Service History



Nick received inpatient psychiatric treatment at age 15 for 11 days at Brooke Glen Behavioral Hospital. He was involuntarily committed after he became physically aggressive with his mother. A discharge summary from this facility indicated the following diagnoses: major depression, social phobia, avoidant personality traits. It further stated that, "psychological testing was completed which supports the above diagnoses, it did not support psychosis." During his hospitalization, anti-depressant medication was recommended but "mother did not indicate that she would follow through with this option for aftercare."



Other than school interventions and his current treatment, it appears that Nick's hospitalization represents the extent of his previous formal psychiatric treatment. Nick reported that his mother does not believe in mental illness and, therefore, she did not initiate or support treatment.



Evaluation Procedures



Review of the following records:

Clinical interview with Nick Stoutzenberger

Consult with Tara Tumility and Chad Wickenheiser

Brief phone interview with his maternal aunt, Joyce

Behavioral observations

Wechsler Abbreviated Scale of Intelligence (WASI-II)

Wechsler Individual Achievement Test, Second Edition Abbreviated (WIAT-II)

Thematic Apperception Test (TAT)

Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-2 (MMPI-2)

Delis Kaplan Executive Function System (D-K EFS)



Interview/Test Results



Behavioral Observations



Nick was brought to the appointment by his case manager, who dropped him at the office. Nick is tall and he has a large build. He was dressed casually and appropriately, although he was malodorous. He had a beard and his hair was slightly unkempt. Nick reported that he generally only showers once a week. His eye contact was fleeting and he appeared to try to avoid eye contact, often looking down. His activity level was within normal limits. He was able to initiate and sustain attention for all tasks and his concentration was adequate. He did not require any repetition of directions. He demonstrated good manners, never interrupted and was able to engage in a reciprocal conversation. He answered all questions, at times offering relevant spontaneous information. He was able to complete the entire evaluation in one day, taking a 20 minute break for lunch. After he completed the evaluation, he thanked the evaluator.



Mental Status Exam



In terms of mental status, Nick was alert and was oriented to person, day of the week, month, year, and situation. His affect was constricted. He described his mood as "depressed, scared, and bored." Stream of thought appeared to be organized, relevant, and goal-directed with content of thought focused on providing information as requested and completing the tasks required. His responses were relevant to the questions. Nick did not exhibit any overt indications of an underlying thought disturbance, in the form of auditory or visual hallucinations, and he denied that presence of both, in the present or past. He denied present suicidal ideation. He reported that he has experienced suicidal thoughts in the past, "but I would never do it." Nick reported that he constantly has homicidal ideation toward his mother, step-father, and aunt; however, he stated adamantly that he has no intent to act on these thoughts because "I do not want to go to jail." He indicated that he frequently has "videos" playing in his mind that involve killing his family in multiple ways, indicating that sometimes he is portrayed as a superhero in these "videos." Nick reported that he has been violent with his mother in the past and has left bruises on her. When he was fifteen, he was psychiatrically hospitalized after he assaulted his mother because she would not allow him to use the computer. Nick denied any history of cruelty to animals, vandalism, or fireplay, adding that he is very close to his cat and wondered what life would be like if he could communicate with his cat by speaking "cat language." His insight was fair as he indicated that he has pursued therapy, psychiatric treatment, and psychologcal testing "because I want to know what's wrong with me." His judgment is extremely impaired as he reported that he does not understand why anyone would be concerned with his constant attempts to contact a female that does not want contact as well as his claims that he will certainly marry this female. Additionally, he showed this evaluator, as well as his therapist, conversations that he has had online with others that contain graphic sexual and violent comments and he does not understand why this is considered inappropriate or unusual.



Validity Considerations



The Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-2 (MMPI-2) yielded an invalid profile based on Nick's endorsement of far more symptoms than would be typical even for an individual being treated on an inpatient psychiatric unit. High scores on most scales as evidenced by Nick's profile suggests that an individual may be overly endorsing problems in order to appear pathological or, as likely in Nick's case, it is an indication that an individual is experiencing a myriad of symptoms in several domains, frequently and intensely, and that the symptoms are causing a significant amount of stress and impairment.



Intellectual Functioning



The Wechsler Abbreviated Scale of Intelligence, 2nd Edition (WASI-II) administered in order to assess Nick's cognitive functioning and to obtain and understanding of his level of intellectual functioning. The WASI-II is designed as a screening tool to quickly and accurately estimate an individual's intellectual functioning. Assessment of Nick's present level of cognitive abilities indicates overall intellectual functioning in the superior range (WASI-II IQ = 129). Nick's IQ places him in the 97th percentile, indicating that he did as well or better than 97% of similarly aged individuals. Nick's verbal skills are significantly more developed than his nonverbal skills, although his nonverbal abilties, as evidenced by his performance on the Perceptual Reasoning Index, are solidly within the average range.



WASI-II SUMMARY SCALES (Mean = 100, SD = 15)

Scale - Composite Score - Percentile - Confidence Interval (95%) - Description

Verbal - 143 - 99.8 - 135-147 - Very Superior

Perceptual Reasoning - 108 - 70 - 101-114 - Average

Full Scale (Four subtests) - 129 - 97 - 123-133 - Superior



WASI-II SUBTEST T-SCORES (Mean = 50, SD = 10)

Vocabulary: 77

Similarities: 75

Block Design: 58

Matrix Reasoning: 52



With regard to specific subtests, Nick demonstrated abilities above the norm on all subtests. His best performance was on the Vocabulary subtest, as his score fell well above the norm. This subtest assesses an individual's expressive vocabulary, verbal knowledge, and fund of information. His performance on the Similarities subtest was equally as strong as his performance on the Vocabulary subtest. The Similarities subtest measures abstract verbal reasoning and conceptualization. Nick's performance on the Block Design subtest was above the norm. This subtest measures spatial visualization, visual-motor coordination, and abstract conceptualization. Nick also performed in the average range on the Matrix Reasoning subtest, which measures nonverbal fluid reasoning.



Achievement



In order to assess Nick's level of academic achievement, the Wechsler Individual Achievement Test - Abbreviated, Second Edition (WIAT-II Abr.) was administered. Nick's performance on the Word Reading subtest was in the high average range of scores (SS = 112). He was able to read all the words on the list with the exception of "ethereal" which he slightly mispronounced. His performance on this subtest correlates to a 12.8 grade equivalent. His score on the Numerical Operations subtest was in the average range (SS = 103). This score corresponds to an 11.9 grade level. His performance on the Spelling subtest was in the high average range (SS = 114) and corresponds to a 12.8 grade level.



Neuropsychological Functioning



In order to further measure Nick's executive functioning abilities and his higher level cognitive skills, various tests were administered to obtain a clearer picture of his strengths and weaknesses in these areas. The Delis-Kaplan Exsecutive Functioning System (D-KEFS) is a measure of high order cognitive, executive functioning. The subtests were designed to assess complex multifactorial domains of cognition in a comprehensive manner. The D-KEFS subtests administered include Trail Making, Verbal Fluency, Sorting Test, Twenty Questions, and Proverb Test.



Trail Making Test - Scaled Score - Classification

Visual Scanning - 12 - At Expected Level

Number Sequencing - 13 - Above Expected Level

Letter Sequencing - 12 - At Expected Level

Number-Letter Switching - 11 - At Expected Level

Motor Speed - 13 - Above Expected Level



Nick's performance on Trail Making, which involved visual cancellation and connecting circles tasks, demonstrated average to above average abilities in cognitive flexibility, a classic executive function that is essential for higher-level skills such as mulititasking, simultaneous processing, and divided attention. His motor speed was faster than would be expected and his ability to visually scan information was at the expected level. His ability to sequence numbers was above the expected level and his ability to sequence letters was average. His ability to shift between numbers and letters, requiring cognitive flexibility and divided attention, is in the average range.



Verbal Fluency - Scaled Score - Classification

Letter Fluency - 7 - Borderline

Category Fluency - 7 - Borderline

Category Switch - 8 - At Expected Level

Category Switching Accuracy - 9 - At Expected Level



The Verbal Fluency Test requires word generation based on letter and category, with a switching task also presented. Nick's ability to generate words starting with a specific letter is slightly below what would be expected. He appeared to be anxious during this task and some of the words were associated with sexual activity such as "fornication" and "syphilis." His ability to generate words that fit into a specific category is slightly below the expected level; however, his ability to cognitive shift between categories is at the expected level with his accuracy on this task at the expected level as well.



Sorting Test - Scaled Score - Classification

Confirmed Correct Sorts - 14 - Above Expected Level

Free Sorting Description - 15 - Above Expected Level

Sort Recognition - 16 - Well Above Expected Level



On the Sorting Test which measures concept-formation and verbal and nonverbal problem solving abilities, Nick performed in the range above what would be expected for an individual his age. His performance on this measure suggests that his ability to think abstractly and solve problems is very well developed.



Twenty Questions - Scaled Score - Classification

Initial Abstraction Score - 9 - At Expected Level

Total Questions Asked - 13 - Above Expected Level

Total Weighted Achievement - 19 - Well Above Expected Level



The Twenty Questions Test measures abstract thinking and problem solving strategies. The executive functions assesed include the perception of various categories and subcategories represented; the ability to formulate dichtomous questions, and incorporate feedback to formulate more efficient questions. Nick was shown a page of various common items and objects and he has to ask yes/no questions to determine the target object. The goal was to ask as few questions as possible in order to identify the target object. Nick's performance on this measure is consistent with his performance on all other measures of abstract thinking and problem solving, suggesting that these higher level thinking skills are very well developed in this young man.



The Proverb Test evaluates the abstract interpretation, understanding of word meanings, as well as abstract principles and concepts. Nick's ability to verbally describe proverbs was in the expected range and when provided with a proverb and multiple choice answers, he correctly answered 100% of the questions.



Emotional and Behavioral Functioning



While Nick's cognitive, achievement, and higher level executive functioning abilities are impressive, his emotional and behavioral functioning is concerning. In the clinical interview, Nick reported that he has "videos" playing in his head where he is able to view himself killing his mother, step-father and aunt in various ways. He reported that at times it is him in his natural state killing them and other times, he becomes a superhero with superpowers and kills them. Nick casually described how he feels they deserve to die because they are very conservative and not tolerant of other races and homosexuals. He stated that they don't like him because he likes sex, violence, and cursing. Nick clearly stated that he has no intent to kill his family, "because I don't want to go to jail," but he further stated that if no laws prohibited murder, he is sure he would do it.



Nick also reported having sexual fantasies that involve him having anal sex with women and young girls. He reported that his fantasies include both rape and consensual sex. His sexual fantasies involve feces as he reported that he becomes sexually aroused by fantasizing about women defecating and that he has used feces when he masturbates. He does frequently view pornographic tapes that involve the above, although he reported he has not been able to access child pornography. He stated that he has never been sexually intimate with anyone. His only sexual encounter was around the age of thirteen when he and a female teen cousin touched each other and this was reported to be consensual. Nick shared his journals with this evaluator which included numerous writings about sex and violence. He had written about being angry with his aunt and described how he would like to anally rape her. He reported that he does not necessarily fantasize about his aunt and that he wrote that statement out of anger. At one point, he wrote how something was falling from the sky and he thought it was semen, but later realized that it was rain. On the MMPI-2, Nick's responses on the Schizophrenia scale were quite high (T = 112). Specifically, his high score on the social alienation subscale (T = 105) suggests that he perceives that he is mistreated and misunderstood. His emotional alienation score (T = 98) indicated that he has a significant amount of fears, depression, and apathy. Additionally, the high T scores on the Lack of Ego Mastery, Cognitive (T = 90) and Conative (T = 92) scales are consistent with someone who fears losing control, feels as though life is unreal and likely responds to stress by retreating into a fantasy world. His responses on the Thematic Apperception Test (TAT) suggested some problems with reality orientation. He described one picture as a house in a snowstorm with "eyes" in the background "that's like a ghost or something." On another card, he saw a figure in the background and stated, "that's like a dog wearing a hood" but later added that he did not know why a dog would be walking upright, wearing a hooded jacket.



With regard to his impulse control, Nick reported that he feels he can control his impulses but attributed part of that to his fear to leave his home. He did state that he has some concerns about decreasing his social anxiety because "If I'm cured and go out, I fear what I would do." While Nick's explosive anger score is elevated (T = 71) his score on the inhibition of aggression score is average (T = 48), which supports Nick's assertion that at the present time he is successfully controlling his angry impulses.



Nick described a significant level of social anxiety, which he has experienced for several years. He reported that he did not want to go to school and that is why he was homeschooled from 7th to 10th grade. When he did return to public school, he reported that his attendance was good, but he did not like to leave the classroom. He reported that he does not like to be in the community because he is worried about being harmed or shot. He does not feel safe in his home, "I'm afraid of everything, I feel like I can't defend myself and I don't know what I would do if someone broke in." He also reported that he does not like to take showers because he becomes increasingly fearful during this task. He reported that he has difficulty talking to others in the community and that he has signigicant problems making decisions, "I have trouble placing an order at McDonald's." Nick was able to describe appropriate social behavior and described being socially avoidant because he becomes so anxious around others that he cannot function or communicate. He indicated that he is aware that some of his anxiety resolves around his fear of what he may do to others if he cannot control his impulses. Nick's overall score on the paranoia scale on the MMPI-2 was extremely elevated (T = 101) with responses that corresponded to a signigicant amount of persecutory ideas (T = 112). His responses on the TAT also include some persecutory ideation. He described story about a picture with a young boy and broken violin as "it's broken at the neck; someone probably did it on purpose." Another card showed a little boy sitting alone and he described the boy as "upset" and that "maybe his parents punished him and he's in trouble." Another picture he described as "a bunch of dudes huddled together for safety or warmth" noting that one man is "probably the watch, they probably sleep in shifts."



With regard to his mood, Nick stated that he is generally depressed. He often feels hopeless, but indicated there are times when he is hopeful; mainly when he fantasizes about "Anna." He described feeling worthless, "I'm not really good at anything, I can't contribute to society." He indicated that he never cries, "but I feel like I need to, I just don't." His personal hygiene is very poor, he showers once per week with prompting and does not attend to his personal care consistently. He described his sleep as "random" but indicated that he is working on trying to establish better sleep habits by going to bed at 10 or 11 and then he typically sleeps until 9 AM. He reported that his appetite is good. He denied present suicidal ideation, but noted that he has had these thoughts in the past, but has never made a suicide attempt. Nick's score on the MMPI-2 depression scale is elevated (T = 91) with elevated scores on scales that assess subjection depression, psychomotor retardation, physical symptoms, mental dullness, and brooding. Nick has previously been diagnosed with major depression and he is currently being treated for anxiety and depression with therapy and medication.



Discussion



One of the purposes of this evaluation was to assess Nick's cognitive functioning as he demonstrates extremely poor judgment and decision making skills and his adaptive functioning is marginal. However, Nick's intellectual ability is in the superior range, with very superior verbal skills. His verbal skills are significantly more developed than his nonverbal skills; which is sometimes the case in individuals with Asperger's disorder; however, Nick does not demonstrate any deficiencies in academic achievement as if often co-morbid in inidividuals with Asperger's disorder, nor does he show any deficits in his higher level thinking skills. Quite the contrary, Nick demonstrated well developed abstract thinking, problem solving, cognitive flexibility, and the ability to sustain divided attention. Typically, individuals with Asperger's disorder demonstrate areas of relative weakness in some areas of higher level thinking.



Although limited past information was available for review, the information from his school and from his inpatient stay at age 15, does not mention any consideration of a diagnosis of Asperger's disorder and reported his problems with socialization to be primarily related to his social avoidance and social phobic behaviors. Presently, Nick demonstrates a marked fear of all social situations because he feels he does not know how to communicate and behave in these situations. When he is required to attend certain places, such as the grocery store, he reported that he needs to take Ativan to avoid a panic attack. Nick understands that his anxiety is well beyond what is typical and acknowledged that he is in no more danger than anyone else. His anxiety has significantly negatively impacted his ability to function in all domains including social, occupational, academic and interpersonal. Based on these symptoms that have been present for several years, a diagnosis of social phobia will be assigned.



Nick has demonstrated a pervasive pattern of social interpersonal deficits evidenced by his extreme discomfort with social interactions and his inability to develop close relationships. In addition, he also has cognitive distortions. He believes his family should be murdered because of his perception that they are "too conservative." He continues to be obsessed with a female, "Anna" that he met on the Internet and firmly believes she will be his wife despite her consistent refusal to have contact with him and police involvement. The relationships that he has developed on the Internet, based on his journal writings and the dialogue, appear to revolve around his expression of sexual and violent desires. These relationships seem to have a surreal quality to them as he described one female as his mother and another individual as his father and looks to them for parental advice. He demonstrates obsessive ruminations with explicit sexual and aggressive content and does not seem to understand that this is atypical, especially his focus on discussing his intense dislike for vaginas. His speech, although well developed, can be circumstantial and odd as when he described young girls as "being house-trained and able to speak in complete sentences." His affect is constricted and he demonstrates little to no emotion, he lacks close friends, and his social anxiety is pervasive and seems to be more associated with fears of being harmed rather than on negative judgments about himself. Based on records from the school and his previous hospitalization, as well as his report and his aunt's collateral information, these behaviors have been longstanding and likely represent a maladaptive personality disorganization. Based on these symptoms, Nick meets criteria for schizotypal personality disorder. While some of his behaviors are consistent with avoidant personality disorder, his social anxiety does not primarily seem to be the result of the fear of rejection. Additionally, his cognitive distortions and odd beliefs are more consistent with a schizotypal personality organization.



While Nick reported that his "friends" from the Internet have suggested to him that he has Asperger's disorder and he also feels this may be the case, there is limited historical information to support this diagnosis. Additionally, his performance on tests of higher level thinking skills indicated that his abstract reasoning, problem solving skills, and cognitive flexibility are very well developed, which is not typical. His problems with socialization appear to be more related to social anxiety and fears, rather than an inability to understand social cues or a lack of understanding about appropriate social behavior.



Nick has previously been diagnosed with major depression and he clearly meets criteria for this disorder at this time. He described that he has a pervasive depressed mood and finds little enjoyment in any activities. His functioning in all domains is impaired and he has great difficulty making simple decisions. His self-care is marginal, although he understands what activities of daily living should be completed, knows how to do them, and can functionally perform these tasks; he does not. He feels hopeless and worthless most of the time and has little motivation and energy. It appears that he has had several episodes of depression since at least his teen years, with few periods of remission. He reported that he feels little benefit from the medication.



With regard to his perported sexual arousal related to touching or viewing feces, he will be given a diagnosis of paraphilia, specifically coprophilia. While Nick describes wearing female clothes, it is not clear that this is related to sexual arousal as he described he specifically likes female clothes because they are "smooth and soft," and did not relate the activity to sexual arousal. While he has violent sexual fantasies and fantasizes about sexual activity with young girls, he denied that he has ever acted on these impulses.



Diagnosis



Axis I: 300.23 Social phobia

296.33 Major depression, recurrent, severe without psychotic features

302.9 Paraphilia not otherwise specified, coprophilia



Axis II: 301.22 schizotypal personality disorder



Axis III: none reported



Axis IV: Psychosocial stressors: problems with primary supports; occupational problems; other psychosocial and environmental problems



Axis V: Current GAF: 30

Highest GAF in the past year: 30



Recommendations



1. Nick is an individual who is suffering from several depressive symptoms that appear to be minimally responsive to medication and therapy at this time. In addition, Nick appears to have significant problems with cognitive distortions and his orientation to reality is tenuous. It is likely that his social isolation, which allows him to spend most of his day fantasizing, is contributing to his overall impairment. While Nick has not acted on any of his impulses, based on the level of specific violent details involved in his fantasies and his grossly impaired judgment, it is strongly recommended that Nick be referred to a partial hospitalization program where he can be supervised and treated on a daily basis. This type of environment will also be able to provide him with a safe environment with structure to work on decreasing his anxiety related to interpersonal contact. If Nick is unwilling to attend a partial hospitalization program, his status should be monitored frequently by his intensive case manager to determine if inpatient treatment may be necessary.



2. With regard to his violent sexual fantasies that involve both adults and minors, it is recommended that a comprehensive psycho-sexual evaluation be conducted as soon as possible. It is recommended that a residential treatment center be considered due to the violent nature of his thoughts.



3. With regard to his housing situation, Nick has questioned his ability to live independently. Presently, his judgment and decision making abilities are impaired and it is questionable whether he would be able to function appropriately if faced with an emergency in his home. Based on this, it is recommended that a residential program be considered.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

AN ATTEMPT TO NOT BE WHINY

'Sup. I had two entries ready for posting, but flaked at the last minute. They were too whiny. I refuse to be perceived as one of those entitled punk kids who think they have the right to mooch off people and get whatever they want without giving anything in return and stuff. I am not one of those punk kids. So rather than going into detail, here's some brief summaries. Or possibly boxer summaries. Or Hanes summaries, which are supposedly neither one nor the other.

September 1st was my 20th birthday. As always, it was a disappointment. I was really counting on getting something I can connect to the Internet with, like a laptop or iPad or netbook or DSi or something. Did not happen. Pretty PO'd. Also ran out of phone minutes two hours before my birthday and still haven't gotten the money for more, so I haven't had contact with anyone for a few weeks, which sucked. Also, someone who isn't in my address book texted me a couple times. Since I'm out of minutes, I can't open it to see who it was or what they wanted. It's driving me crazy. What if someone kidnapped someone and told me to do stuff within a certain time limit or else they kill them? D:

Also, we had the aftershock of an earthquake and two hurricanes. I didn't get any damage but I hear nearby towns were devastated and some people died. I dunno why natural disasters never seem to do anything here, but hey man, I'm cool with it.

I think a ghost may have molested me. I accidentally fell asleep with my unit hanging out one day, and then I dreamt someone was touching my scrotum. And I actually felt hands on it p realistically, which scared me awake. Then I noticed that somehow the blanket had been pulled down past my dingus. So uh, that happened. I sure hope you can't get STDs from ghosts. I mean, I'd assume no because you kinda have to have a body to have diseases, but I dunno. I shouldn't make assumptions. I'll be an ass and an ump will shun me. Ghosts seem to take on the appearance of bodies somehow, so you never know, maybe they can mimic attributes of bodies as well, such as having diseases. Maybe I should get tested just in case.

September 11th was the 10th anniversary of the release of my favourite band They Might Be Giants' eighth album Mink Car. I drew a thing to commemorate it. Also drew a few other things, which is weird because I haven't really been in much of a drawing mood for years.

There was an incident with Joyce yelling at me for no reason. I snapped and went into one of my mouth-foaming unintelligible-screaming spells again, which rarely happens (just like me being a kitten!). I managed to not assault anyone this time though. My biological family are all jerks. I wish I could live with Maddi instead. But I probably can't, on account o' she's a minor. I dunno. I'll ask her.
Plan B is living with Jessa, but she temporarily dislikes me for some reason, so I need to devise a

Plan C.
That's p much it.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

PART TWO: MORE EMO WHINING

In this entry, I'm gonna be doing a lot of whining. Don't worry, it's not aboot Anna for once. It's something else. The *chan thing. LJ Cut time!

The situation with the channers is starting to get to me. I'm p much over all my accounts being hijacked, so now I'm focused on the other thing. You know, the stuff they keep posting aboot me. Psychoanalyzing me and whatnot. I seriously hate when people do that. My biological mom's been doing it my whole life, telling people I do weird things to get attention. It's the most annoying thing. It's completely untrue, and in fact, is the polar opposite of the truth. I don't know why people keep ignoring the fact that I really hate being around other people... I literally just want to live alone in some secluded wilderness with my wife and kids, far away from any other people. Except if/when our friends visit or whatever. That'd be fine. It'd be cool to hang out with Jessa and Maddi irl. Y'know, if Jessa ever likes me again. Other than my immediate non-biological family and friends I would really rather nobody knows I even exist (which I guess is ruined now). Also, I don't even understand people who do do weird stuff for attention. I mean, yes, it's really sad that society sucks and hates everything, but shouldn't they be doing something that is accepted by society instead? Like, if someone wanted attention, couldn't they just become an actor or start a band or something? Idk. I just do weird stuff because I actually like the stuff. It's who I am. I suppose it would probably be smart to not tell people aboot my quirks, but meh. I don't like lying or hiding things. It feels really wrong and my friends wouldn't even really be my friends-- they'd be friends with a lie. :/

But anyway yeah, the thing that really bothers me is how they word stuff. Normally I wouldn't even pay any mind to untrue rumours (and even less to things that are actually true), but the way they never use "weasel words" really strikes a nerve. It makes it sound as if the stuff has been confirmed somehow, like I admitted to it or something, so people who don't know the whole story read the stuff and assume it's true. Even when they say, like, "he did this stuff, but denies it", that still doesn't help anything because then it sounds like I'm in denial or something. (Btw, they actually do say I'm in denial too, so that sucks.) If it were a few people saying things aboot me, I wouldn't care so much considering I already have all of you-know-who's friends doing it, but dayumn. I don't know how many people are on that imageboard, but I assume anywhere from hundreds to hundreds of thousands. So like, a tenth of the world hates me or whatever the fraction would be. I dunno, I suck at math. Let's see... what are some of the other things they keep saying? Um, well okay, I saw that this one guy had a theory on why I don't want The Thing to happen. Again, no weasel words were used. He said something along the lines of I'm being selfish and just want A Thing to myself. And some other guy for some reason thought I treat women like objects. That's... I can't even... Dude, everyone who knows me knows I'm p much the least bigoted person ever! >_<

And I guess someone referred to my catchphrase "Kentucky Don't Exist!" as a forced meme. Not exactly an insult, but still. Not a meme, yo. It was never intended to catch on. It's just my thing. And some idiot was all "lololol he doesn't know what words mean" in response to my FF7 video. No, you fool; I meant I was working on a perfect game but haven't completed it yet. It's incomplete. And, um, a couple people were saying I used something called "circular logic" in trying to defend myself, and I guess using circular logic makes your argument automatically invalid somehow? I dunno, it sounds stupid. No matter how I try to defend myself they pull out some science word explaining why everything I say is wrong. Also, "Everything Right Is Wrong Again". So then I just gave up. Hopefully everyone just stops caring by themselves and leaves me alone. But probably not. Because they're dicks. In a dick town. Okay, Nick, that's enough TMBG references for today.

I don't even get why they're doing this. What's the point in picking on someone who's different? What on earth do you gain from it? They would've actually gained more by not changing my passwords, because then I could continue posting things and they could lol aboot how stupid I am or whatever. Plus, everyone is different in some way. Why are some characteristics privvy to ridicule but not others? What are the exact mechanics that determine which traits people persecute others for possessing? The whole thing seems stupid to me. Speaking of stupid things, I also read that some people were lolling aboot how I think people would actually care aboot the mundane things I post on Twitter and whatnot. ...Um. Are you, like, completely new to Twitter or something? The whole point of the site is to post mundane shit nobody would get enjoyment out of. You don't post the stuff to entertain other people, you just do it because it's fun. I'm well aware nobody likes my tweets. I'm not tweeting for them, geez. Also, sometimes I write myself notes so I don't forget stuff. I dunno, literally absolutely nothing they say makes any sense whatsoever. Sometimes I wonder if they actually believe the dumb things they're saying or if they're just screwing with me.

Also, irritated by people making fun of my art. The Coffee Crew is a cartoon - it's intetionally drawn in a cartoony style. You're supposed to be focusing on the writing, not the art. That's why you never hear people bitch aboot the art on other cartoons, like South Park or Family Guy or Bonus Stage or whatever. Although yeah, the writing I've posted sucks too. I've been working on it though. The last comics I posted were from, like, 2007 or something, weren't they? I've gotten better at both the art and writing since then, but still have this complex that a script has to be perfect before I make it into a cartoon. I've got good storylines and good jokes, but I'm havin' trouble finding a good balance of the two. Seems like I can only do one or the other. It's tough getting humour to come up organically in the storylines, and if I focus on just humour then there's no plot. And I want plot. And that's why there's still been zero episodes after six years (well it's between that, my lack of equipment, not having reliable Internet access, and my voice actors hating me)! I wish I could describe what I intend for The Coffee Crew to to be like, but I dunno how to. Some dude theorized that I'm trying to be like Jhonen Vasquez. I don't know who that is so I can neither confirm nor deny. I assume it was meant as an insult though. But anyway, enough emo shit.

Finally, there's one last topic I wanted to discuss. You know that disease I've had since 2006 but haven't figured out what it is? Well, a new thing happened with it that maybe someone can make sense of and diagnose me. So, one recent morning I decided to sleep in the opposite direction, with my head nearer to the air conditioner, which was turned on. I slept for maybe two hours and then woke up for no reason, and suddenly my nose was clear (it's constantly stuffy), the roof of my mouth was really cold, and-- not to be gross, but it's kinda unavoidable when discussing my ailments-- my mouth was filled up with some sort of goo, presumably either snot, stomach acid, semen or spinal fluid because I hovered over the sink and opened my mouth, and it was kinda whitish and thick and dripped out really slowly. My mouth is constantly filled with goo, but this time it was a lot more than usual. However, not as much as years ago when I used to have attacks after eating certain foods. Then, after spitting it all out I turned the air conditioner off and laid back down the other way, and the random burning in my chest/upper-abdomen happened. Sometimes I think maybe the chest/upper-abdomen thing is unrelated to the mouth-goo, but occasionally they seem to overlap. But then again, I dunno, they're in two completely different body parts. Also, dunno if either one is related to the cough or not. Sometimes it seems like the burning happens first, then I have the coughing fit, and then my mouth fills up, but not always. Also, my esophagus used to make weird noises occasionally. It might just be a red herring, though, as it stopped when I accidentally graduated from high school (quite literally right afterwards, which is suspicious), and one of my friends (whom shall remain nameless due to a recent incident in which they got mad at me for telling someone something aboot them that I didn't realize was a secret (kinda seems like maybe they should've told me it was a secret when they told it to me, but whatev)) who has/had it too never mentioned having any other symptoms in common with me. So I dunno. Someone, figure out what in the fudge is wrong with me so I can take the correct medication. Back when I was still insured and consequentially able to see a doctor, he misdiagnosed me three times until I was like "okay, not even bothering anymore". And that's the end of today's LJ entry.

With platonic love (except to jerks),

Dr. Nickalaus "Nick" B.S.L.B.N., Ph.D.
Attending Physician
Nick's Proctology Hospital

PS - I'm not making fun of Canadians. This is literally how I talk, even irl. Canadians don't even really say "aboot" or "eh". It's just a stereotype. Well I mean, I'm sure some do say that stuff (considering there's 60 billion people on Earth, none of whom are exactly the same), but for that matter so do people from other countries, so yeah. Not an exclusive Canadian thing. Again, I'm the least bigoted person ever. (Also, swing that judgmental pendulum back the other way-- don't you think it's kinda odd that as soon as you see me saying "aboot" you thought of Canadians? ;D)

PS2 - Hi, channers. I just responded to every one of your posts. Would you kindly sit and spin now? Go on, git. Take your ridiculously incorrect armchair psychology elsewhere. St. Elsewhere.

PSP - No, I'm not really a doctor. It's a thing that I do. God! Stop forcing me to explain things! It ruins it!

PS3 - I would never lie aboot someone behind their back. Not only is it just plain wrong and would make me and my conspirators terrible people, but also the innocent strangers who read the post and thus weren't informed that it was a lie would think it's the truth, so now I'm lying to a bunch more people. And what if the person I was lying aboot found out somehow? Say, if the person I lied to, whom I don't realize knows the lie-victim's name, looked up all their dox and gave them a call? Because as well as I'd think we covered all the angles to support the illusion, they'd still know it's a lie. Bet they'd be p angry when they find out, probably never speak to me again. Maybe take mutual friends with them, too. They'd be especially enraged if I did it just to piss someone off. Techically I could do a thing that would make the lie not a lie anymore, but that would be incredibly stupid. The stupidest thing ever, in fact. Plus they could still be told that the lie occurred before it became a not-lie. And they would be provided with proof of the date. Maybe the only way to not be snitched on is to never make the lie true. Ever. And I'd have to not do anything in the whole arena of the lie, not just the specific thing I lied aboot. And I couldn't just say I won't do the thing(s). They'd have their ways of knowing if I'm really sticking to my promise or not. There'd be many layers to their awareness of my actions. Even though I'd take actions to "BLOCK" the first, most obvious layer, and even the previously-hidden-but-suspicious second layer may have been revealed, there'd still be many more layers I'm not aware of and will never be aware of. Yeah.

PART ONE: HOME LIFE

'Sup gais. So, okay, I typed up three different LJ entry drafts during the month I've been offline. I'mma post them all in a three-part series entitled "Stuff That Happened During the Month I've Been Online: The Trilogy". Part One: "Home Life", Part Two: "More Emo Whining", Part Three: "'Join Us' Review". This is part one. LJ Cut time! Note that paragraph four (this one here, outside of the Cut, is included in that count) is disturbing. Skip that one if you don't want to hear aboot weird fetishes. I'm considering using that disclaimer from now on. Y'know, in light of the *chan thing. I dunno though, seems like a pain to have to do it every time I post disturbing things. Because I post a lot of disturbing things. But uh, LJ Cut time!

So, the main part of Part One: "Home Life" is that I went to Wildwood, New Jersey for a day. But we'll get to that. Let's blow through the small things first. AO, Steve, Dad and Macen all had birthdays. I attended AO's and Steve's. I missed Dad's and Macen's because I don't pay attention to what the date is. Not that it would have mattered anyway; I wasn't at Dad's and I don't know where Macen's been the past few years. Both occurred on July 4th. Yes, I missed Independence Day too. I don't see the point in that holiday. You don't see other countries showing off what date they were founded. Also I really really hate fireworks. They're loud, abrupt noises and, just like toast, practical jokes and horror movies, they scare the shit out of me even when I know they're coming.
I caught two shiny Pokemon in Ruby Version. First Doduo in the Safari Zone and then, the next day, Oddish underneath the cycling path. Also I got Pokerus twice. Neither one is really a big deal for me. I've gotten shinies and Pokerus buttloads of times. I've had shiny Graveler, Whismur, Kecleon, and Shuppet among others I've forgotten, but really shinies don't serve any special purpose besides bragging to your friends that you did something that there's only a 1 in 8192 chance of. Shinies aren't stronger than regular-coloureds or anything. In fact, in Gen 2, shinies were actually weaker than normally-coloured Pokeymans because back then shininess was determined by IVs. Certain IVs had to all be set to 10 for them to be shiny, so if you wanted a shiny, you couldn't max out those stats. PS I recently typed up a new thing aboot EVs, IVs, egg moves, etc. I can upload it somewhere if anyone wants me to.

Okay, this is the disturbing paragraph. Here we go: I got my little flashlight thing stuck up my butt. Normally I leave the tip sticking out so I can grab it and pull it out when I'm done, but on this particular occasion I forgot it was in there. I clenched and accidentally sucked it the whole way up. I tried to get it oot for aboot an hoor (aah, that one's kinda confusing), to no avail. So, I had to call Joyce. She came over and got it out for me. Then she took it from me. So now I have no idea what to use as a butt plug. It would be really great if I had a real one, especially because they're designed so this exact thing can never happen, but I can't go shopping without an escort, and my b-family's all... y'know, bigoted against assplay and stuff. Every time I sing aboot having anal with my wife they yell at me. It's ridiculous. Anyway, ever since, my rectum's been all messed up. Feels like there's a couple little spots where maybe the flashlight's on/off switch tore the wall or something? Because they hurt when I try and stick something up there. I certainly hope that whatever the blazes it is, it goes away because I couldn't imagine life without things in my butt. I've tried asking my b-family what to do aboot it, but they don't answer. They're always just like "Well its your own dumb fault for putting something in there". So that's nice, I have yet another legitimate medical concern and no way to get help for it. Let's hope I never have a heart attack around these jerks or I'm going to die. Plus, this is probably going to hurt my "there's nothing wrong with anal" arguments because now they're going to bring this incident up every time. Fuck.

For the love of God, someone please get me away from my b-family and into a new home with cool people. Preferably people who have fast Internet and whom will let me use it as much as I want with no time limit or any other kind of rules like "no porn" or "no downloading stuff" or whatever. Do they have that in orphanages? Because if they do, I would really much rather be in an orphanage than live with my b-family. Hey, ask Jessa if she'll reconsider adopting me. She said no a few times but maybe someday she'll change her mind. After all, I'm known as The Mind-Changer. Well, no I'm not. But still, I have and will continue to change minds. And clothes. Man, I need new clothes. Better clothes. Maybe a shirt that says "Hug Me". Do you think people really do hug people who wear shirts like that? Probably not. I'd assume they wouldn't risk it, in case the shirt is just a joke. You know, like the "Duck me, I'm frunk" shirts. I don't think that shirt would really get anyone laid. I really do want hugs though. I need a shirt that's more clear that I really do want hugs. Someday I hope to hug Maddi, Jessa and both Annas. Several times. Per hour. Not sure if I wanna hug males. Idk, I'm not really a male-friend kind of guy. I mean, I have some male friends, but I dunno if I'd hug them. Have I ever e-hugged Simon? He likes hugs. I dunno, I can't remember. I should try sometime and see how that feels. If he still likes me, that is. I dunno if he does. It's been a while since I've last spoken to him. I'm terrible at coming up with topics. I don't usually initiate IMs with people. I let them initiate IMs with me. Except for when something came up that I know I can use as a topic with someone. Like, I IM Thom constantly because there's constantly a thing I can use as a topic with him. He's probably annoyed that I IM him too much. Especially when he's busy. He seems to be busy a lot. I wonder if he ever just pretends to be busy so he doesn't have to talk to me...? Hm... Well, in any case, when The Thing is over I'll slow down with the IMs. Oh, but wait, what if he thinks I've lost interest in talking to him? It's lose-lose... Crap... OH! Speaking of crap, I had to do a bunch of painting for Joyce.
The main goal was to raise the money in time to get Join Us when it came out. I mean, I realize one CD is only like twenty bucks, but I don't get to go shopping very often and when I do, I want to be able to get more than just one or two things. Not only that, but there's the issue of phone minutes too. Since you get more value for more expensive cards, the smartest thing to do is buy the most expensive one, the $80 one, so you save long-term. Unfortunately I can never raise another $80 by the time the previous card runs out, so I usually have to buy the cheapest ($20) card, which causes me gargantuan long-term loss. Plus it only lasts me less than a week. And then I can't raise another $20 before those couple days ends. So then I have to go weeks at a time with no contact with my friends. And I need contact with my friends so we can work out what to do aboot The Situation That's Been Going on These Past Couple Years. And every second we're not working to prevent Bad Things, there's a chance Bad Things could happen. I'm assured that prevention is occurring even without me, but I often realize something new that I need to check and make sure is covered by The Plan. It usually is, but you never know. So as you can probably see, my life is very stressful. Now I really need to stop trailing off Coffee-Crew-style and get back to the painting thing. What is wrong with me today? Seriously, this isn't one of those Nick-Is-Intentionally-Trying-to-Be-Like-a-TV-Show-Character-Because-He-Hates-Himself-and-Would-Rather-Be-Like-Them things; my mind keeps on wandering off to other stuff. Is that a symptom of ADD, d'you think? Because I was diagnosed with that back when I went to a psychiatrist. Sucks my b-family didn't want to keep paying the $20 for it; I really need a psychologist. Badly. I'd like to get the austism, Asperger's, OCD, etc. diagnosed so people stop disbelieving me when I say I have 'em. Geez, it should be pretty obvious I have a lot more than just clinical depression and ADD. Plus maybe they'd have tips for handling The Thing.

...Wait. Trailing off again. GOD, NICK, STOP IT. AARGH. PAINTING.
SO YES, I WAS PAINTING. After over a month of Joyce saying she had work for me but not actually letting me do it, she finally let me do it. For whatever reason, she didn't wanna pick me up, so I had to walk the whole way over to her house a couple of times. Which btw was horrible. It's a half-hour walk, uphill, and I had to carry a paint can and stuff with me. Not to mention the risk of getting shot, stabbed, run over, crushed, strangled, mutilated, bludgeoned, drowned, etc.! Do you realize how out-of-shape I am? I'd never be able to out-run an assailant. After the second time walking I was like "Okay, no. I'm not walking anymore." So then she started picking me up. I did a few random things around her yard and then the big project was three of the outer walls of her garage. Why I didn't have to do the fourth, I'll never understand. It definitely stands out from the other three now. But anyway, I totalled 19 and a half hours, which was $141.38. Not too long ago I found out that painters are supposed to be paid more than just Minimum Wage (by They Might Be Giants), but I mean, what am I gonna do? If I ask for a raise I'll more than likely be fired.
Finally, this is gonna be kinda out-of-place in the "Home Life" entry, but it was p out-of-place in part two where it originally was too, so... lose-lose. Okay, um... so basically, I wrote Part Two before the other two parts, and so it had a little home life and Join Us stuff in it until I decided to expand on them and give them their own separate entry. I trailed off a little bit, going from "apparently two new albums came out without me knowing" to "dang son, I need Internet. I keep finding out aboot things way too late to be able to chime in on them", and then I started chiming in on some current events. Here that is, verbatim: I wanted so bad to discuss the Anthony Weiner thing, but it's much too late for that. But basically I'm okay with what he did. It's not like he actually had irl sex or anything. I mean geez, I send my friends nudez all the time. It's no big deal. It doesn't count as cheating. Heck man, The Person posts nudez, apparently, and surprisingly I'm okay with it (wish I knew where to find 'em, though...). Although I guess he probably should've asked his wife for permission to make sure she felt the same way. Lying in the interviews was way worse than the thing itself, but I honestly don't blame him for that either. It's not his fault society is so screwed-up and intolerant that he has to hide everything to protect himself. ...Oh, I guess I did just discuss it anyway. Well, while I'm doing this, I'd also like to comment on the Casey Anthony thing. While I have no opinion on whether she's guilty or not (because I don't know all the details), I think it's ridiculous that everyone makes such a big deal aboot her going to parties and whatnot after her daughter disappeared. What do they expect her to do, just sit around crying all day long? I'm sure she has a life besides just her daughter. Besides, sometimes when bad stuff happens, you need to have some fun to take your mind off shit. I had the
same opinion aboot that BP guy that went golfing.

Speaking of, I'm a bit of a hypocrite. Not the bad kind, though. See, when Joyce and Wendy asked me if I wanted to go along with them to Wildwood I reluctantly agreed. I immediately didn't feel right running off to have fun when Someone claimed that their lives were ruined forever. I mean, I know that if they actually weren't lying (still p sure they are, for the reasons listed in that one other entry in addition to a new one I remembered), there's nothing that can be done to un-ruin their lives, but still. I have difficulty saying "no" to people, you see. I dunno, maybe I also thought it'd help pass the time until Join Us comes out. Who knows what was going on in my head. But anyway, we left Sunday morning (July 17th, 2011 A.D.) and planned to return home sometime Monday. They rented a hotel room for us to sleep in, which seems kinda unnecessary considering we had a perfectly suitable car, which, for the record, I've recently found to be infinitely more comfy than all beds.
Our journey began Sunday morning as planned. I brought along my iPod, DS and some other stuff to keep me not-bored for the drive. It didn't work. But we did stop at a McDonald's along the way, and I got a caramel mocha, so that was cool. They kept talking to me even though I was listening to music via my earbuds though. That's a huge pet peeve of mine. We arrived in Wildwood somewhere around noon, I think. Our check-in time wasn't until 1, so we immediately went for the boardwalk. Unfortunately, walking the boardwalk was quite frustrating, as Joyce and Wendy walk way too slow. Not only am I p impatient, but also I can't control my walking speed, so I have to walk in short bursts. Take a few steps, stop, wait for my traveling party to catch up, repeat. And then of course they kept wanting to stop and look around in the stores or watch people ride on the rides. And Joyce kept calling me over to look at stuff I didn't care aboot. Yes, Joyce, there's a picture of the animal crab with text alluding to grouchy humans. That pun's been around for ages. It shouldn't excite you as much as it does. I also don't need to look at shirts that say "Surfer Dude". I don't surf, and neither do you.
As if it weren't frustrating enough, once 1:00 came, Wendy got all worried aboot the lunchmeat we had in the car and was in a hurry to get it into our hotel room's fridge. So then we had to go back! Seems like, um, we shouldn't have even started walking the boardwalk until that'd been taken care of. And why'd you even bring lunchmeat? There's tons of restaurants on the boardwalk. It wasn't even for the drives, because we stopped at restaurants then, too! Damn white people and their cheese. And then, of course, when we got back to the hotel we found out our room wasn't ready yet anyway. The maid hadn't even started cleaning up after the last occupants. So we sat around for what I suspect was a half hour to an hour before finally the innkeeper was like "Well okay, I'll give you a different room instead". So then we finally stored all our stuff in it and continued our boardwalk bonanza. The whole time, I was worried that the maid/innkeeper/whoever-else-would-have-a-key-to-our-room would steal my stuff, but luckily that didn't happen. I was also worried aboot passersby, Joyce, and/or Wendy murdering me, but luckily that didn't happen either.

The boardwalk? Not at all as long as Joyce and Wendy made it sound. We managed to reach the end by four or five o'clock. Once we did, I quickly realized that all the stores are p much the same. There's restaurants, dollar stores, and t-shirt stores. And strangely, every t-shirt store has mostly the same t-shirts. Every five minutes you see Charlie Sheen, "YEAH BUDDY", "Free Hugs", "Cool story bro", and whatever the hell "DTF" means. Between all the stores sucking and the realization that having reached the end of the boardwalk we now have nothing to do for the rest of our stay, I realized I'd made a horrible mistake in agreeing to come. Some good came of it, though. We had something called "Polish Ice" a few times. It was really good. I had two mochacinno-flavoured ones and a watermelon one. Also I got a Monster. Humiliating story aboot that, though.

Okay, so like, it requires some explanation. So, okay, I have great difficulty hearing what people are saying to me when there's a lot of other sounds going on, even if they're not that loud. I can't even tell you how many times I had to ask my friend whom in high school talked to me on the bus to repeat himself because of the sounds of the engine, wind resistance, radio and other kids talking. Okay, so on return trip down the boardwalk, we stopped at yet another restaurant. I ordered two tacos and a Monster. Upon doing so, the dude said something that I couldn't make out because like, air conditioners and passersby talking and stuff. I assumed he asked "small, medium, or large". Boy was I wrong. And yes, I realize Monster doesn't come in different size cans, but... I just assumed, since this was a restaurant, they had it in machines like with fountain sodas and put it in a cup. So anyway, I was like "uhhhhh... medium?" and to my horror, he responded "No, green, blue or orange?" MOTHERFUCKER. Why didn't I just say "What?" like I usually do when people say stuff to me?! So anyway, I was like "Oh. Uhhhh... blue?" I didn't know what all the different colours were, so I just picked blue because that's the one Anna N. has in the photo where she's holding a Monster. Which it turns oot is the low carbs one. I don't know what carbs are. I assume it means it's healthier though. Is Anna worried aboot health or something? I've been meaning to ask whether her vegetarianism is a health thing or an animal thing but never got around to it. Anyway, I hope this incident wasn't one of those things that cashiers lol at customers aboot in their heads. Also, in case you're wondering aboot the "uhhhhh"s and long pauses, it's because I have great difficulty making on-the-spot decisions. It's one of the many reasons why I really shouldn't go to restaurants. Damn waiters, always asking you what size you want, what condiments and toppings, side dishes... Idk, ask Jessa. She knows. I told her all aboot it a few years ago over the phone, the day I emailed her asking her to call me so I could tell her one of the revelations I'd really had, walked home to pick up my phone, walked back to Mom's where I emailed her from, received her call, and walked around in the snow while talking to her for probably an hour or more. It was the first time she called me. I was so swept up in the excitement that I forgot the good revelations and only told her the shitty one that she was probably already well aware of. Damn, I miss Jessa. She was really awesome to talk to. I forget how I managed to email at Mom's house though. Mom doesn't let me online. Maybe I snuck on when everyone was upstairs, I dunno. I used to do that sometimes.

Well, Jessa's awesomeness aside, immediately after the restaurant we watched a movie. I really didn't want to, but. You know. Kinda have to go everywhere they go. The movie was just as I thought it'd be. P much your average comedy movie. Physical "comedy", predictable storyline, etc. If anything I'd rather we'd've seen Harry Potter, but since I haven't seen Deathly Hallows Part One yet I wouldn't know what's happening in the story. No, I didn't read the books. Shut up. I just don't like to read, okay? It doesn't make you better than me. I just prefer to actually see the characters, props, settings, etc., that's all. Damn. But there was this one time that Guess Who yelled at me for not liking books. Yelled at me for a lot of ridiculous reasons. Really hurt my feelings. Like, a couple times a day. And I still remember every word. And I still feel the pain. And I cry. Remember the time she asked me if I thought she was related to Myrrh, then was like "NOT NECESSARILY, YOU IDIOT" when I was like "No; your families would know eachother", then yelled at me again when I tried to follow up with "Also you live the whole way across the country"? I sure as hell do. What aboot the time she said I'm not mature enough to have sex just because I prefer monogamy over condoms? Or the time we did one of our three Bonus Stage roleplays and I had Rya literally be scared shitless by a thing and then she was yelled at me for talking aboot feces? I do! Ruined the joke too. Or that time me and Simon were trying to teach her how to record herself singing and she yelled at me for saying that Recording Control won't let you check two boxes at once when she was trying to check both Microphone and Mixer? Also the time I asked her one time if she'd want to get AIM and she was like "NO STOP ASKING" and then I was like "But this is the first time I asked that" and then she yelled at me again? Ugh... so many more... Too many to count...

Trailin' off again, dangit. So after the movie we finished walking back to the ramp we started from. I actually saw a couple t-shirts I wanted, but I wanted to see if there was anything else I wanted more before I bought them, so once we finished our boardwalk walking I wanted to go back and get 'em, but Joyce and Wendy were tired and wanted to go back to the hotel. So we decided we'd get 'em tomorrow morning and did indeed go back to the hotel. I went to bed p much immediately but woke up after like two hours. Joyce and Wendy were asleep at that point, so I figured it was a good time to defecate 'cause I had to do so for a few hours but held it in 'cause I can't defecate when people are around. Despite them being asleep it still took me a while because I also have difficulty doing it away from home. Success was eventually attained though. Then I tried to go back to sleep. Took me a few hours. I suddenly wasn't tired anymore and weird stuff kept racing through my mind. For some reason I was constantly seeing Guitar Hero gameplay. You know, the fretboard or whatever, with the different coloured circles scrolling down the screen? Except strangely, the colours were out of order. They were in the wrong columns. They also didn't seem to form an actual melody. Once I finally stopped seeing Guitar Hero, I had mental videos of me running into Maddi on the boardwalk and then hanging out with her all day. At one point I was like "Oh, hey, there's that thing from Pokemon Black and White!" (referring to the giant spinny thing in Nimbasa City, which strangely there really is one on the boardwalk irl) and she made me get on it with her despite my intense fear of heights. You know how they say you can conquer your fears by facing them head-on? Yeah, bullshit. I was terrified the whole time and held onto her really tight. We also took a ton of pictures, most of which showed us hugging, and uploaded them to show our Internet friends. I didn't actually see the uploading but she said she'd do it so I assume she did later, off-screen. At night she came back to our hotel room and she platonically and non-sexually slept in the same bed as me. We were both wearing clothes. No idea where her parents where. You'd think she'd have to ask them before having a sleepover. Other than that it was a p realistic and vivid fantasy. They usually are. Eventually though it did took a very sexual turn. I'm SOOOO sorry, Maddi. I platonically love you, man. :( But the good news is that I fell asleep afterwards, so!

So, the next morning we hit the boardwalk once more despite having already seen and done everything we wanted to. Joyce woke me up and told me it was soon check-out time, so after lying back down for a while to try and finish the platonic and non-sexual part of the Maddi fantasy from The Night Before (by The Beatles), I got up and fulfilled Joyce and Wendy's requests to change clothes, brush my teeth and have Joyce wash my hair. Joyce made me put on my swimming trunks and a t-shirt for some reason. I really shouldn't be wearing any kind of shorts in public because I have really hairy legs. Also there's the birthmark on my right knee, but that's not really as much of a concern. I also hate wearing t-shirts because A) They're extremely uncomfy, especially in the hotter seasons, B) There's no pocket to put my phone in, C) I have this weird thing aboot images of people "watching" me and I have to take my shirt off and put it face-down when I masturbate or defecate, and D) when wearing t-shirts in public, there's the risk of someone being like "Nice shirt". Most would consider this a good thing, but not me. I can never tell if they're talking to me or someone else who's near me, so when I hear someone say that I don't know what to do. If I say "Thanks", there's the risk of being embarrassed because it might turn out they're talking to someone else, and if I don't say anything, they might think I'm being rude. It's lose-lose! ...Oh, wow, why do I keep using that phrase today? Well anyway, guess what? Someone did say "Nice shirt". I have the luck of the Irish, don't I? Welp, I decided not to say anything in case they were saying it to someone else. I tried not to look for the speaker and just kept on walking with my head down. Hopefully they thought I just didn't hear them. I really need to stop leaving my house though. These kinds of things need to never happen again. Ever.

So, we headed back to the store I saw the t-shirts in, but it was closed. I know what you're thinking, "lol now he can't get his shirts because even though he wanted to do it last night his traveling party was too tired and wanted to do it today instead", right? Heh. Yeah, that pretty much is my luck. I was alright with it though. It was actually kind of relieving, because then I'd have extra money to spend on CDs when I go to the mall to get Join Us. But wouldn't ya know it, Joyce and Wendy were all obsessed with me getting my shirts, so we grabbed more Polish ice and sat down on a bench and waited. We actually had to head home soon because we were checked out of our hotel and couldn't park there anymore, and our new parking spot had a parking metre, so I hoped we'd run out of time before it opened, but it did not. The store opened and we went in to buy shirts. I got a Nirvana shirt and I wanted a Lady Gaga one so I could tweet a photo a photo of me wearing it and be like "@CelestialBeard HEY DAWG, LIKE MY SHIRT?" but Joyce was like "No, get Green Day instead" so I got Green Day. Both shirts are pretty cool. I'm fine with it. So yep, I now have a grand total of four t-shirts.

After getting into our car, we drove around for four hours, taking pictures of houses because Joyce and Wendy apparently want to buy a house in Wildwood. I keep trying to tell them that the cost of buying a house will probably outweigh the cost of renting hotel rooms every visit, considering they don't really go to Wildwood that often, but they're all "Yeah well, if we get a house then we'll come more often". I think they'll still be in the red though. Eventually we finally started home. The ride back was p shitty. I got bored with Pokemon so I just listened to music. And they kept trying to talk to me anyway. Usually to get me to grab them a soda from the cooler. And lemme tell ya, that thing was packed. Full. 'Cause we got fudge and stuff on the boardwalk to stick in there. So I had to root around through everything to grab the sodas from the very bottom. Then of course I couldn't get the stuff back into its original position, so the lid wouldn't close. I ended up smashing everything. But, we went to McDonald's again, so that was cool. All in all I suppose my Wildwood vacation was alright, despite all the bad parts. Also I got sunburned for the third time in the month I've been offline, so. Let's, um, let's all hope I don't get skin cancer.

Welp, that's pretty much it! Finally! This was one long ass-entry. Well heh, heh, part two is gonna be p long too, so prepare yourself...