This week has been just... confusing. Dad approached me the other day saying his girlfriend wanted to take me back home to my other house so the two of them could have some alone time. This was three days ago and I'm still not back home yet. Don't get me wrong, I wanna stay here for as long as possible so I have Internet access, but I'd like for the confusion to be cleared up. I went through all the trouble of rushing to finish up my Internet business for the month, but then it turns out I have more time? FTW.
In other news, dad's girlfriend also informed me that she's giving me a month to get a job or I'm not going to be allowed to come here anymore. The problem with this, as we all know, is that I'm literally incapable of doing ANY job due to whatever mental illnesses I have (WHICH I STILL NEED DIAGNOSED). My family doesn't seem to understand this. So, I'm probably going to have to find a new way to obtain Internet access. I dunno, maybe I could ask my mom if I could get on her computer sometimes, but she doesn't let me IM or anything so I'm not sure how I'd be able to do, well, much of anything.
In short, I'm kinda screwed. I can probably keep in touch with Thom via text messaging, but I dunno how I'm gonna work on the whole Anna thing without Internet access. I've been advised that my original plan of just going to her house would probably be a bad idea, so the Internet is really the only contact I have with her. And even with the Internet, communications with her are pretty limited. AAAARGH WHAT DO I DO NOW
Coffee Crew
Nick Bate's Web Comic the Coffee Crew
Friday, October 16, 2009
A Day in the Life
{Open to the living room of the Phoenix House, where Macen and Scott are seated on the couch.}
MACEN: Son, let me teach you about women.
SCOTT: They have vaginas!
MACEN: ...Yeah. Well. My work here is done. Go play somewhere.
{Scott runs off somewhere, just as several loud knocks are heard at the door. Macen opens said door, revealing a very bloody-headed Nick. Macen takes a moment to take this in.}
MACEN: ...Okay, first off, why are you here, and second, why are you here WITH A BLOODY HEAD?
NICK: Eh, I knocked with it. Hey, is Thom here?
MACEN: Do I look like his keeper?
NICK: I dunno aboot a Thomkeeper, but... {briefly pauses to dramatically take a drag on his cigarette} ...You sure look like a beekeeper.
{Macen angrily glares at him.}
MACEN: Get out.
{Cut to Thom's bedroom. Thom is seated at his computer desk, obviously using his computer. Nick pokes his head in the door.}
NICK: THOM!
{Thom swivels his chair to face him.}
THOM: NICK! IT IS YOU!
NICK: Yeah, hey, I has a question for you.
THOM: Hang on. {opens Audacity and presses the record button on his computer, then turns back to Nick} Okay, go.
NICK: Periods. Tampons. Explain please.
THOM: Hooboy.
NICK: I'm just trying to get prepared for bein' married. Inevitably my wife's going to have periods. What do I do aboot this?
THOM: Nick... Nick, she's the one who has to worry about that.
NICK: I know, but like... I wanna help her do stuff.
THOM: Nick, this is going to turn out exactly like the maternity clothes discussion.
NICK: Yeah but-
THOM: Nick. Nick. NICK. There are some things she won't want you to help with. This is one of them.
NICK: Alright. But just so I'm clear, uh... wings? No wings? Super-absorbant? What should I be looking for?
{Thom facepalms. We then cut to Goliath and Baby standing on the sidewalk outside the coffee shop, drinking coffee. Goliath is also holding an extra one.}
GOLIATH: And that's how I learned sticking forks in electrical outlets isn't always a good idea.
BABY: "Sigh."
{Nick enters the scene and stands next to them. Goliath tosses him the extra coffee, which he then sips.}
GOLIATH: How'd the Q&A session go?
NICK: Uh, not well, Goliath, not well. {sips coffee again} So, what flavour is this?
GOLIATH: Mocha. I decided to throw caution to the wind.
NICK: Mm. It's pretty good. Where's everyone else?
GOLIATH: Who?
NICK: You know... those other three people we usually hang out with?
GOLIATH: I'm... I'm not... what three people?
NICK: Ugh. Baby, give a brotha some help here.
BABY: "WHERE THE HELL ARE ANNA, JESSA AND SIMON?!"
NICK: Thanks, B-Dawg.
GOLIATH: Oh, those guys. I don't know, they went someplace for a while.
NICK: ...I will inquire no further. So what's on the agenda for the rest of us?
GOLIATH: You're the leader while Anna's away, man.
NICK: Oh, right. {looks over at Baby} Baby, as leader, I'm making you the new leader.
BABY: "ffffffffff"
GOLIATH: What's today's mission, Cap'm Baby?
BABY: "I hate you so much, Nick..."
{Cut to a bit later. Nick, Baby and Goliath bust into the S.S. Ondine's bridge.}
NICK: Alriiiiight! Without Simon around, I can mess with his computer stuff!
{Nick immediately begins messing with the computer.}
BABY: "Hey, cut it out! That's important for our missions!"
GOLIATH: Lighten up, Baby. It's not like he's gonna delete all the mission data or anything.
{The monitor displays "ALL MISSION DATA DELETED".}
NICK: Uh-oh. That's not good.
BABY: "NICK, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!"
NICK: Uhh... nothiiiiiing... I'ma gonna... go over here... to Anna's chambers... {he sneaks his way out the door}
BABY: "Dammit, now I have to figure out how to fix this." {begins toying with the computer}
GOLIATH: Have you even ever used a computer before?
BABY: "Of course I have. Remember all those dates I've been on?"
GOLIATH: Yeah?
BABY: "Met online."
GOLIATH: Ahhhh.
BABY: "Well, luckily the data wasn't deleted permanently. It was just moved to the recycle bin. Go figure."
GOLIATH: Cool. What kind of stuff is in there?
BABY: "Hm... says there's a treasure chest buried... in Macen's front yard?! How did we miss THIS?!"
GOLIATH: We gonna go dig it up?
BABY: "Eff yeah!"
{A lumpy-shirted Nick hobbles his way back in, pairs of panties falling out with each step.}
NICK: Okay, what'd I miss?
{Cut to just outside the Phoenix House. Nick, Baby and Goliath are staring up at it.}
BABY: "The main problem is going to be doing this without Macen noticing."
NICK: I could keep him distracted. That seems like something I'd be good at.
BABY: "Nice thinking. Head on in there and make sure NO ONE leaves the house. We can't have any of the other residents alerting Macen of our presence."
NICK: Gotcha! {runs in the house, without even knocking this time}
GOLIATH: What do I do?
BABY: "Hang on. I need to figure out the exact location of the treasure. Then, you'll dig it up."
GOLIATH: Okay.
{Baby presses a few buttons on his watch.}
BABY: "Uh-oh."
GOLIATH: What?
BABY: "I misinterpreted the data. The treasure isn't buried in Macen's yard... it's buried UNDERNEATH HIS HOUSE."
GOLIATH: How's that even possible?
BABY: "I don't know, but we're gonna figure it out."
{Baby, followed by Goliath, walks up to the door and knocks, with no response. After a short wait, he knocks again. Finally, Nick pokes his head out the door.}
NICK: Uh... Oh. Hey, guys.
BABY: "Nick, I was wrong. We need to examine the inside of the house."
NICK: Um... {shifts his eyes around a bit} Sure, not a problem.
BABY: "...What did you do in there?"
NICK: Uhh...
{Nick opens the door, revealing that he is now wearing a blood-soaked black cloak and holding an equally blood-soaked katana. Baby and Goliath step in and look around at the blood all over the walls.}
BABY: "NICK, WHAT DID YOU DO IN HERE?!"
NICK: Don't worry, he'll be back in aboot a week.
BABY: "Who will be back in a-"
{Nick steps aside to reveal Macen's corpse.}
BABY: "Oh, okay. Let's go find the treasure."
{Cut to even more later...er, as Nick, Baby and Goliath search through the living room for anything suspicious.}
BABY: "You guys find anything?"
GOLIATH: Nothing here.
NICK: Nothing here either.
{Thom walks in, takes a moment to look around at the blood, dead body and random people searching through his house, then leaves the way he came without saying a word.}
BABY: "Alright, the living room is clean. Metaphorically. Let's check the hallway."
{They walk through the hallway, looking around for anything that may be out of the ordinary.}
BABY: "Nothing here, either. We should split up and cover all the other rooms."
NICK: I'll go check out the bathroom.
GOLIATH: I call kitchen!
BABY: "Alright, then I'll go ask Thom if he's seen anything."
{As Nick walks over to the bathroom, he trips over something.}
NICK: AH, WHAT THE F-
GOLIATH: You okay?
NICK: This damn floorboard's loose.
BABY: "Wait... a loose floorboard?"
{Baby rushes over to the floorboard and examines it closely.}
NICK: Oh, sure, ignore the guy who just tripped over here.
BABY: "Stop doing drugs. Hey, wait a minute! Several of these floorboards are loose..."
{Baby removes the boards altogether. Underneath is pitch black.}
BABY: "Flashlight."
{Nick reaches into his pants, pulls out a flashlight, and hands it to Baby. Baby then aims it into the hole he uncovered.}
BABY: "A secret crawlspace..."
GOLIATH: Weird, we've never noticed this before until just now. Isn't it funny how things work out?
BABY: "Shh. We're going in there."
NICK: Hell no we're not! I've watched enough TV to know what's in every crawlspace ever - dead bodies.
BABY: "Nick, you just stabbed a man to death with a katana."
NICK: What's your point?
BABY: "Never mind. Goliath, are you coming?"
GOLIATH: Count me in, Cap'm!
BABY: "Okay... here we go..."
{Baby hops into the crawlspace. Goliath follows shortly after.}
GOLIATH: Sure is dirty down here.
BABY: "It's a crawlspace, Goliath. Of course it's dirty."
GOLIATH: I could clean this up no problem. I was thinking of becoming a maid, ya know.
BABY: "Shush, I'm trying to focus."
{The twosome continue crawling around, Baby fixated on his watch, until finally...}
BABY: "This is it."
GOLIATH: By Michael Jackson.
BABY: "Shut up. We need to dig here."
GOLIATH: I'm on it!
{Goliath begins digging, as dogs do, and unearths a treasure chest.}
BABY: "Bingo."
{Goliath punches the lock, busting it and opening the chest. Baby reaches into it.}
BABY: "Doubloons! Score!"
GOLIATH: Wow... that's pretty cliché.
BABY: "Well hey, it's also effective. Do you know how much unnecessary shit we can afford with this? A lot, Goliath. A lot."
GOLIATH: Point taken. Let's get out of here.
BABY: "Uh... that may be a problem."
GOLIATH: Why?
{Baby points behind Goliath. It seems that, in his digging, he mistakenly blocked the exit with a mound of dirt.}
GOLIATH: Oh, right. That. {brief pause} DEUS EX MACHINA ATTACK! {Goliath abruptly stands upright, busting through the floor above him, which turns out to be the floor of Nikki's room.}
{Nick, who apparently was raiding Nikki's panty drawer, turns to face them in surprise.}
NICK: AH! AH! GET OUT! OUT!
{Cut to later than evening, as the three relax in their hideout.}
BABY: "I'm pretty pleased with how things turned out. The others'll be pretty happy when they return."
NICK: Yup. Plus, when I was in Anna's room, I found some of her tampons. Now I know what kind to buy!
GOLIATH: Everything worked out for everyone!
BABY: "What aboot Macen?"
GOLIATH: Everyone.
{The end.}
MACEN: Son, let me teach you about women.
SCOTT: They have vaginas!
MACEN: ...Yeah. Well. My work here is done. Go play somewhere.
{Scott runs off somewhere, just as several loud knocks are heard at the door. Macen opens said door, revealing a very bloody-headed Nick. Macen takes a moment to take this in.}
MACEN: ...Okay, first off, why are you here, and second, why are you here WITH A BLOODY HEAD?
NICK: Eh, I knocked with it. Hey, is Thom here?
MACEN: Do I look like his keeper?
NICK: I dunno aboot a Thomkeeper, but... {briefly pauses to dramatically take a drag on his cigarette} ...You sure look like a beekeeper.
{Macen angrily glares at him.}
MACEN: Get out.
{Cut to Thom's bedroom. Thom is seated at his computer desk, obviously using his computer. Nick pokes his head in the door.}
NICK: THOM!
{Thom swivels his chair to face him.}
THOM: NICK! IT IS YOU!
NICK: Yeah, hey, I has a question for you.
THOM: Hang on. {opens Audacity and presses the record button on his computer, then turns back to Nick} Okay, go.
NICK: Periods. Tampons. Explain please.
THOM: Hooboy.
NICK: I'm just trying to get prepared for bein' married. Inevitably my wife's going to have periods. What do I do aboot this?
THOM: Nick... Nick, she's the one who has to worry about that.
NICK: I know, but like... I wanna help her do stuff.
THOM: Nick, this is going to turn out exactly like the maternity clothes discussion.
NICK: Yeah but-
THOM: Nick. Nick. NICK. There are some things she won't want you to help with. This is one of them.
NICK: Alright. But just so I'm clear, uh... wings? No wings? Super-absorbant? What should I be looking for?
{Thom facepalms. We then cut to Goliath and Baby standing on the sidewalk outside the coffee shop, drinking coffee. Goliath is also holding an extra one.}
GOLIATH: And that's how I learned sticking forks in electrical outlets isn't always a good idea.
BABY: "Sigh."
{Nick enters the scene and stands next to them. Goliath tosses him the extra coffee, which he then sips.}
GOLIATH: How'd the Q&A session go?
NICK: Uh, not well, Goliath, not well. {sips coffee again} So, what flavour is this?
GOLIATH: Mocha. I decided to throw caution to the wind.
NICK: Mm. It's pretty good. Where's everyone else?
GOLIATH: Who?
NICK: You know... those other three people we usually hang out with?
GOLIATH: I'm... I'm not... what three people?
NICK: Ugh. Baby, give a brotha some help here.
BABY: "WHERE THE HELL ARE ANNA, JESSA AND SIMON?!"
NICK: Thanks, B-Dawg.
GOLIATH: Oh, those guys. I don't know, they went someplace for a while.
NICK: ...I will inquire no further. So what's on the agenda for the rest of us?
GOLIATH: You're the leader while Anna's away, man.
NICK: Oh, right. {looks over at Baby} Baby, as leader, I'm making you the new leader.
BABY: "ffffffffff"
GOLIATH: What's today's mission, Cap'm Baby?
BABY: "I hate you so much, Nick..."
{Cut to a bit later. Nick, Baby and Goliath bust into the S.S. Ondine's bridge.}
NICK: Alriiiiight! Without Simon around, I can mess with his computer stuff!
{Nick immediately begins messing with the computer.}
BABY: "Hey, cut it out! That's important for our missions!"
GOLIATH: Lighten up, Baby. It's not like he's gonna delete all the mission data or anything.
{The monitor displays "ALL MISSION DATA DELETED".}
NICK: Uh-oh. That's not good.
BABY: "NICK, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!"
NICK: Uhh... nothiiiiiing... I'ma gonna... go over here... to Anna's chambers... {he sneaks his way out the door}
BABY: "Dammit, now I have to figure out how to fix this." {begins toying with the computer}
GOLIATH: Have you even ever used a computer before?
BABY: "Of course I have. Remember all those dates I've been on?"
GOLIATH: Yeah?
BABY: "Met online."
GOLIATH: Ahhhh.
BABY: "Well, luckily the data wasn't deleted permanently. It was just moved to the recycle bin. Go figure."
GOLIATH: Cool. What kind of stuff is in there?
BABY: "Hm... says there's a treasure chest buried... in Macen's front yard?! How did we miss THIS?!"
GOLIATH: We gonna go dig it up?
BABY: "Eff yeah!"
{A lumpy-shirted Nick hobbles his way back in, pairs of panties falling out with each step.}
NICK: Okay, what'd I miss?
{Cut to just outside the Phoenix House. Nick, Baby and Goliath are staring up at it.}
BABY: "The main problem is going to be doing this without Macen noticing."
NICK: I could keep him distracted. That seems like something I'd be good at.
BABY: "Nice thinking. Head on in there and make sure NO ONE leaves the house. We can't have any of the other residents alerting Macen of our presence."
NICK: Gotcha! {runs in the house, without even knocking this time}
GOLIATH: What do I do?
BABY: "Hang on. I need to figure out the exact location of the treasure. Then, you'll dig it up."
GOLIATH: Okay.
{Baby presses a few buttons on his watch.}
BABY: "Uh-oh."
GOLIATH: What?
BABY: "I misinterpreted the data. The treasure isn't buried in Macen's yard... it's buried UNDERNEATH HIS HOUSE."
GOLIATH: How's that even possible?
BABY: "I don't know, but we're gonna figure it out."
{Baby, followed by Goliath, walks up to the door and knocks, with no response. After a short wait, he knocks again. Finally, Nick pokes his head out the door.}
NICK: Uh... Oh. Hey, guys.
BABY: "Nick, I was wrong. We need to examine the inside of the house."
NICK: Um... {shifts his eyes around a bit} Sure, not a problem.
BABY: "...What did you do in there?"
NICK: Uhh...
{Nick opens the door, revealing that he is now wearing a blood-soaked black cloak and holding an equally blood-soaked katana. Baby and Goliath step in and look around at the blood all over the walls.}
BABY: "NICK, WHAT DID YOU DO IN HERE?!"
NICK: Don't worry, he'll be back in aboot a week.
BABY: "Who will be back in a-"
{Nick steps aside to reveal Macen's corpse.}
BABY: "Oh, okay. Let's go find the treasure."
{Cut to even more later...er, as Nick, Baby and Goliath search through the living room for anything suspicious.}
BABY: "You guys find anything?"
GOLIATH: Nothing here.
NICK: Nothing here either.
{Thom walks in, takes a moment to look around at the blood, dead body and random people searching through his house, then leaves the way he came without saying a word.}
BABY: "Alright, the living room is clean. Metaphorically. Let's check the hallway."
{They walk through the hallway, looking around for anything that may be out of the ordinary.}
BABY: "Nothing here, either. We should split up and cover all the other rooms."
NICK: I'll go check out the bathroom.
GOLIATH: I call kitchen!
BABY: "Alright, then I'll go ask Thom if he's seen anything."
{As Nick walks over to the bathroom, he trips over something.}
NICK: AH, WHAT THE F-
GOLIATH: You okay?
NICK: This damn floorboard's loose.
BABY: "Wait... a loose floorboard?"
{Baby rushes over to the floorboard and examines it closely.}
NICK: Oh, sure, ignore the guy who just tripped over here.
BABY: "Stop doing drugs. Hey, wait a minute! Several of these floorboards are loose..."
{Baby removes the boards altogether. Underneath is pitch black.}
BABY: "Flashlight."
{Nick reaches into his pants, pulls out a flashlight, and hands it to Baby. Baby then aims it into the hole he uncovered.}
BABY: "A secret crawlspace..."
GOLIATH: Weird, we've never noticed this before until just now. Isn't it funny how things work out?
BABY: "Shh. We're going in there."
NICK: Hell no we're not! I've watched enough TV to know what's in every crawlspace ever - dead bodies.
BABY: "Nick, you just stabbed a man to death with a katana."
NICK: What's your point?
BABY: "Never mind. Goliath, are you coming?"
GOLIATH: Count me in, Cap'm!
BABY: "Okay... here we go..."
{Baby hops into the crawlspace. Goliath follows shortly after.}
GOLIATH: Sure is dirty down here.
BABY: "It's a crawlspace, Goliath. Of course it's dirty."
GOLIATH: I could clean this up no problem. I was thinking of becoming a maid, ya know.
BABY: "Shush, I'm trying to focus."
{The twosome continue crawling around, Baby fixated on his watch, until finally...}
BABY: "This is it."
GOLIATH: By Michael Jackson.
BABY: "Shut up. We need to dig here."
GOLIATH: I'm on it!
{Goliath begins digging, as dogs do, and unearths a treasure chest.}
BABY: "Bingo."
{Goliath punches the lock, busting it and opening the chest. Baby reaches into it.}
BABY: "Doubloons! Score!"
GOLIATH: Wow... that's pretty cliché.
BABY: "Well hey, it's also effective. Do you know how much unnecessary shit we can afford with this? A lot, Goliath. A lot."
GOLIATH: Point taken. Let's get out of here.
BABY: "Uh... that may be a problem."
GOLIATH: Why?
{Baby points behind Goliath. It seems that, in his digging, he mistakenly blocked the exit with a mound of dirt.}
GOLIATH: Oh, right. That. {brief pause} DEUS EX MACHINA ATTACK! {Goliath abruptly stands upright, busting through the floor above him, which turns out to be the floor of Nikki's room.}
{Nick, who apparently was raiding Nikki's panty drawer, turns to face them in surprise.}
NICK: AH! AH! GET OUT! OUT!
{Cut to later than evening, as the three relax in their hideout.}
BABY: "I'm pretty pleased with how things turned out. The others'll be pretty happy when they return."
NICK: Yup. Plus, when I was in Anna's room, I found some of her tampons. Now I know what kind to buy!
GOLIATH: Everything worked out for everyone!
BABY: "What aboot Macen?"
GOLIATH: Everyone.
{The end.}
Monday, October 12, 2009
NICK'S NEVER-ENDING QUEST FOR MUSIC
Thanks to Thom I am now an audiophile who frets over bitrates and file formats. For the past few months I've been bringing a couple of my CDs to my Dad's house per visit (I can only fit five or six in my backpack) and ripping them as v0 mp3s to stick on my iPod.
Then I did the math and realized it would take me months, maybe even over a year to finish them all, seeing as I make a trip to Dad's house once a month. So this month I packed them ALL up in a crate to bring 'em along.
However, I'm not quite sure why I'm doing this. I'm getting an external hard drive soon, which means I'll have the space to rip FLACs instead. Sure, FLACs don't work on iPods, but I can easily convert FLACs to mp3, whereas I cannot convert mp3 to FLAC. This method would be much faster than having to rip all my CDs twice.
Yet I do it the slow, painful way regardless. I suppose I'm just impatient. Two weeks is too long a wait for my external hard drive~
Once I have it, though, the next step is better headphones. Then, an amp. Then of course I need more CDs. But once all of this is accomplished (in a few decades), I will have attained one of my life goals.
I'm not sure why I posted this.
Then I did the math and realized it would take me months, maybe even over a year to finish them all, seeing as I make a trip to Dad's house once a month. So this month I packed them ALL up in a crate to bring 'em along.
However, I'm not quite sure why I'm doing this. I'm getting an external hard drive soon, which means I'll have the space to rip FLACs instead. Sure, FLACs don't work on iPods, but I can easily convert FLACs to mp3, whereas I cannot convert mp3 to FLAC. This method would be much faster than having to rip all my CDs twice.
Yet I do it the slow, painful way regardless. I suppose I'm just impatient. Two weeks is too long a wait for my external hard drive~
Once I have it, though, the next step is better headphones. Then, an amp. Then of course I need more CDs. But once all of this is accomplished (in a few decades), I will have attained one of my life goals.
I'm not sure why I posted this.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
WRITER'S BLOCK: THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
AHAHAHAHA this question is perfect for me. I just HAD to answer it.
Yes, I believe in
Also, things with my soul mate are looking pretty bad right now (I don't even have to tell the story again because everyone already knows it) but as I said,
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
NICK WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR
I got it in the hopes that Anna will think I'm hot. I'm very irked that I'll have to grow my hair all over again (it took me aboot five years just to get it to the length that it was), but as long as Anna likes it, it's worth it. Plus, my biological family bought me some KFC as a reward. Mmm...
Ed Note: Pic is no longer there.
Ed Note: Pic is no longer there.
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