Coffee Crew

Coffee Crew
Nick Bate's Web Comic the Coffee Crew

Friday, November 30, 2007

PHEW, CLOSE CALL.

I was pretty damn close to not coming up to Dad's this weekend (which would've meant no Internet). There was an incident this morning, uh, exactly like the identical incidents which occur one or two days every week. See, I was physically unable to wake up, due to my ridiculous amount of tiredness every morning. So I missed the bus. Again. Nanny called my aunt and her friend over to wake me up, which didn't work. They even dragged me out of bed and poured water on my head. Still unable to wake up. So yeah, I missed school today. AGAIN. Somehow, though, I actually got in trouble this time, despite the same exact scenario playing out every week since I started going back to school. Also, apparently I have to go to the doctor and get blood tests or something to check out my blood sugar and stuff.

In other news, school yesterday sucked so much ass. And I don't mean that in a good way. I mean it in a bad way. After wrapping up our project of making dog-bone wreaths, me and four of my classmates went to a bazaar for half the day to sell them. This field trip had the potential to be a good thing, but unfortunately, the four kids I went with all hate me. So I had to put up with their shit ALL FUCKING DAY. Two of them insisted on inflicting physical pain on me, while the other two pretty much told me to stay away from them, and refused to touch anything that I've previously touched. Of course, it didn't end there. Everyone started yelling at me for "littering" when I simply sat something on the floor until I was able to pick it back up. It's not like I was gonna LEAVE it there. AND PLUS EVERYONE ELSE WAS SITTING STUFF ON THE FLOOR, TOO. Then they forced me to carry a heavy-ass box, even though they know damn well it's too heavy for me. In fact, I even DID carry it one leg of the trip, but they told me to carry it AGAIN, while the others carried absolutely nothing at all. So I refused to do it, naturally. And THEN, this one bitch calls me lazy because I refused to carry a box that I'm physically unable to lift. EXACTLY WHAT MY FUCKING MOM DOES CONSTANTLY. It was at this point that I remained silent for the rest of the day, trying to control my urge to beat the shit out of them. I remained silent even after overhearing then talking about me behind my back. One kid called me a manwhore, which I didn't mind, but then that same bitch said I can't be a manwhore because I "can't get any". It was at this point that I actually started crying. Not audibly, but my eyes watered profusely. When we arrived back at school, we set out on ANOTHER field trip with the exact same people going (well, minus that one bitch that called me lazy). This one wasn't so bad, though two of them were tormenting me and the other girl (who actually didn't do anything wrong all day, other than tell me to get away from her). We went to Long's Park, where they picked up sticks that used to trip me and sexually assault her. In summation, I FUCKING HATE MY CLASSMATES.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Bonus Stage Kids: Episode Two

{Open to the set of Bonus Stage Kids.}

PHIL: Welcome back to Bonus Stage Kids, everyone. Why does it seem like we were on a long, long hiatus?

JOEL: {from offscreen} We got slapped with twelve lawsuits.

PHIL: Right, as I was saying, nothing out of the ordinary happened since our last episode! As you all know, I'm your host, Phil "The Host" Argus. {gradually becoming more irritated} Because it's my job to host. Constantly. Without rest. All the time. FOREVER. {calming down} And now, let's see how Andrew "The Guy Who Exists" Wonderful is doing in the "Caring and Sharing Corner"!

{Cut to Phil and Andrew hanging out in a room where several little kids appear to be fighting over random toys while they talk.}

PHIL: As you all know, because you creepily watch this show about as much as you watch that old show we used to have, despite it being aimed at preschool children, here in the "Caring and Sharing Corner", Andrew teaches our little friends how to... well... care and share. How's that working out, Andrew?

ANDREW: Very crappily.

PHIL: {slightly irritated} Dude, we're supposed to be using G-rated language!

ANDREW: Oh, sorry. {correcting himself} Very shittily.

PHIL: ...yeah. Right. Well, {walks up to two random children, who are fighting over a toy} Children! How's it goin'?

LITTLE BOY: This buttface over here is trying to steal my toy!

PHIL: Now, now, her face obviously does not really look like a butt. {looks over at the girl, whose face DOES, in fact, look like a butt} ...err, well, maybe it does a little, but just don't say it out loud and everything'll be fine! ^_^

LITTLE GIRL: Nuh-uh! My face is pretty! My daddy said that!

PHIL: Is your daddy also a forty-year-old who lives in your grandmommy's basement and attends Star Trek conventions?

LITTLE GIRL: {sniffling} ...he... he says Captain Janeway is hot. ;_;

PHIL: {walks back over to Andrew} Well, Andrew, you're doing a fine job. Keep up the only-slightly-below-average work.

{As Phil walks away, the children fighting in the background become extremely violent. Injuries are sustained.}

PHIL: And now we'll see how Joel's doing in the "We're Making Science Fun Somehow! Corner".

{Joel is sitting at a table with a few other children, with beakers and other science stuff scattered around.}

JOEL: Today, Phil... and Lil... I showed these prepubescent midgets how to suck an egg through a bottle!

PHIL: So, Joel "The Cool Awesome Guy Who Is Better Than Phil", I guess everyone's having tons of fun over here.

JOEL: Hecks yeah. Plus it turns out we share interests in video games. These midgets are a'ight in my book.

PHIL: They're children, Joel.

JOEL: Well, God, Phil, you don't have to rub it in their faces!

PHIL: {sighs, then whispers to Joel} Joel, see me backstage. {speaking to audience again} Well, it's time for a commercial break!

{A little splash screen is displayed, with some accompanying cheerful-sounding music, and then we cut to Phil, Joel and Elly backstage.}

JOEL: What's wrong with you, Phil? Ruining the hopes and dreams of people who may look different on the outside, yet are so similar to us on the inside... WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!

PHIL: Joel. For the last time, they are NOT midgets. They're CHILDREN. This is a CHILDREN'S show. Remember the contract you forced me to sign?

JOEL: The restraining order?

PHIL: No, the other one. The one where you tricked me into hosting this stupid show.

JOEL: Oh, yeah. I remember that. Remember the episode we did about E3?

PHIL: Not THAT show, THIS one!

JOEL: What's the difference?

PHIL: THERE'S A HUGE DIFFERENCE. Now can you PLEASE do something about getting us out of this mess?

JOEL: Look, Phil, the contract is binding. Besides, I managed to snag us a great dental plan by handing out a few favors. {raises eyebrow} Sexual ones.

PHIL: You didn't sleep with anyone.

JOEL: Of course not. There was no time for sleep with all the sex going on. ^_^

PHIL: Elly, don't you have a problem with being on this show?

ELLY: Nah, it's easy. Just pretend to be nice to some little kids for a half-hour and then go home and beat up some life-size dolls that LOOK like children.

PHIL: ...yeah... that's... that seems like it should be a felony.

JOEL: Don't worry, Phil. The terms only last for one more season, then we're as good as dead.

PHIL: Dead?

JOEL: No, I mean... no, of course we won't die... uhh...

{Phil stares at him blankly.}

JOEL: Okay, I've been swayed by your persuasion. Look, Phil, when the show ends... they kill us.

PHIL: WHAT?!

JOEL: Yeah. It was in the fine print. That Slim is one crafty guy.

PHIL: How could you not read the fine print?! Haven't you learned anything from the LAST contract we signed?

JOEL: Uhhhh... smashing things solves everything?

PHIL: Yes.

{To be continued.}

COVER YOUR EARS!

music: Why Did You Grow a Beard? - They Might Be Giants

I had several hours of home-alone time today, so I experimented with the bass. Now, I don't get much time to practice, but I decided I'd try to record Why Did You Grow a Beard?, because it's a pretty simple bassline. However, as you'll soon learn, even a simple bassline can be fucked up pretty badly when you give me a bass.

1. Bass Only - download link
This was the first recording. I did a few practice rounds before recording, which I did okay on, other than the pause between verses and refrains. I was going to record both the bass and my singing, but after I tried that once I realized it wasn't such a good idea. So I just recorded the bass by itself.

2. Bass and Vocals - download link
A bit later on in the evening, I decided I'd record myself singing while playing the bass. As previously stated, not a good idea. Now, I do horribly on both separately, but when combined it's just... so much worse... you have no idea. Trying to do two things at once really fucks me up. If you pay close attention to the bass, I probably messed up the tune (hell, I probably strummed the wrong string or something too). Also note that MY SINGING IS FUCKING HORRIBLE.

3. Vocals Only - download link
Just when you think it doesn't get any worse, it does. I decided that since I did bass only and both bass and vocals, why not do vocals only? So I did. This is the result. Your eardrums will now implode.

Ed Note: Links are dead.

Friday, November 23, 2007

NICK'S SKYPE ADVENTURES, PART ONE OF ONE

So today, I Skyped with KN for literally four hours. We discussed many topics, ranging from why I am ugly to how to make toast. All sorts of hilarity occurred as everyone in my house woke up/came home, and then invited even more people over. So a good portion of the conversation took place while there were like six people talking in the background. Plus a TV was on. It took skill to withstand such distractions. But some good has come from it. For one, I now know how to make toast.

I wish I had a rectal thermometer. And a fever. At the same time.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

IT'S THANKSGIVING.

I have a five-day weekend, so I have extra Internet days. Huzzah!

I didn't do much for Thanksgiving, other than the usual polyanna and dinner (which I later puked back out five times).

I got my laptop pimped out with Bonus Stage episodes, but most of them got fucked up during the conversion process, so I'ma redo 'em.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

A FEW PROBLEMS SOLVED.

I got some non-cancer deodorant. I do not smell bad anymore.

Also, major drama has been resolved, I think. I'd rather not go into detail.

I just bought a live show by TMBG, y'know, the ones from their wedsite. I'm enjoying it! ^_^

I'm also reading *GASP* ...A BOOK!

Over the weekend, I tried converting Bonus Stage episodes to a different format so I can watch 'em on my laptop back home. So far I'm only up to episode 50, so I probably won't get it done before I go home. Especially since episode 48 is giving me problems. I skipped it temporarily.

I'm addicted to the Dial-A-Song demo of Ant. I don't know why. I've listened to it at least ten times just yesterday.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

I DON'T KNOW, MAN...

Nothing interesting happened this week. I mean, not like anything interesting ever happens anyway. Figured I'd make an entry anyway. =/

I finally managed to get a book for the literature circle thing we do, and also apparently my teacher's going to bring in some non-cancer deodorant for me, because I don't think it's normal to still smell bad RIGHT AFTER taking a shower (especially when I used multiple soaps).

We also recently started this new thing in math where we have to do math problems out of a textbook, and I fucking hate it. Oh, but I got out of it one day went we went on a field trip to some sort of job faire. Ironic, eh? Oh, but then I had to make up the work the next day anyway. That's almost as ironic, which isn't cool.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

WEEKEND UPDATE

location: In the fucking shower =/
mood:  irritated irritated
music: Where is My Mind? - Pixies

This weekend was mostly unproductive, but I burned some CDs of things to bring to my laptop, continued my roleplay, and actually attempted making a game in Flash. This was the result: a Nick Bate dress-up game.

http://img106.imageshack.us/img106/8948/dressupex8.swf

It's not on the site yet but eventually it shall be. Really it sucks, but that's okay because it's just an experiment to get used to Flash a little better.

In unrelated news, I've taken a shower two days in a row and I'm not happy about it. B|

Ed Note: Link Broken

Friday, November 2, 2007

I HUNG OUT WITH A DEAD GUY.

Week ten, and Friday was definitely the best day this week. We did a few minutes of our regular first period, but from then on the whole day was a field trip to Edgar Allen Poe's house and gravesite in Baltimore. Also I found out Baltimore's in Maryland, and not Pennsylvania as I previously presumed. The whole day was mostly riding in the car (but it was fun because it was only five kids going, and many lolz occured in the van) and we were really only at the place for like an hour, if that. But we took a photo of us standing in front of the headstone. Someone apparently leaves a bottle of alchohol there every year on Poe's birthday, so that's in the photo too. I'll see if I can get a copy to scan. And now a list of what the hell was going on in the van.

Nick (me) mostly sat there staring blankly out the window and being antisocial, like always. At first he listened to Miscellaneous T, and after that he decided to listen in on what everyone else was doing, occasionally chiming in with "I don't understand y'alls" or "What the f-". But he was in the front seat with the teacher (due to everyone else always going to great lengths to avoid sitting with him) so he probably missed a lot. Dillon, being the class clown that he is, bugged everyone the whole time. Whether it was pulling Nick's hair or grabbing Jess' tits, he did indeed bug people. Kyle, the resident goth kid who acts nothing like a goth kid, pretty much just went along with whatever everyone else was doing. Jess slept the whole way to Baltimore. Bethany was apparently letting people sleep on her, and also stroking their hair. o_O

So then once we got to Baltimore, we stopped for some food. But instead of getting anything, I waited until everyone was done eating and devoured their leftovers. I have problems. Anyway, then we entered Poe's house. They had displays and stuff set up, like a museum. There was even a portrait of Poe's wife's dead body, which was kinda creepy. We weren't there for very long, but then we went to the gravesite, which was pretty cool. We even walked into some sort of cemetery... INSIDE A BUILDING. I can't quite comprehend how they managed to bury someone INSIDE A BUILDING. But yeah. The van ride back was interesting, as halfway back while everyone else was taking a bathroom break, I quickly hopped into the middle seat, forcing Jess to have to sit with me. She tried to hardest to get someone in another seat to let her sit with them but failed. My ultimate goal was for her to fall asleep on my lap like she just did with Dillon shortly before, but it didn't work. At all. Then I tried to get her to hug me, which she also didn't agree to. But hey, she sat with me, so that's a start, I guess. We also missed the buses, so the teachers dropped us off. I was the first to be dropped off. Everyone saw one of my kitties.

All week, though, everyone was trying to get me to take a shower. Apparently I smelled bad. They even sprayed some perfume on me during class. Eventually I DID take the shower, because the teachers told my mom, who then began bitching as usual.

Outside of school, I've been listening to music on my now-fixed laptop. It's a bit slow, but whatever. I also never did try for teh Internet access, but I DID get to go to the mall today. I tried looking for theSTART's Initiation album, but they didn't have it. So instead I picked up Nevermind (by Nirvana, duh) and Wave of Mutilation: Best of the Pixies. Also I got two video games, my first new games in years. FFXII, BITCH!