PLACEHOLDER!

Just getting the previous post out of the way. That... didn't even have anything to do with Anna, yet Anna's friends STILL found a way to bash me for it for some reason.

Also they vandalized my wiki like six times.

Things Nick Loves Aboot Anna

First off, she's so dang pretty. In like, every way. Her face, her hair, her figure, etc. In addition to being pretty, she is also beautiful, hot, sexy and cute. Even her chubbiness is cute. It makes me wanna tickle her tummy! ^o^

1. Her clothes are amazing and she has great taste in them. She can pull off any style. She can look goth, hippie, classy, girly, and really anything else without even trying, and it WORKS for her.
2. She has a great sense of humor.
3. She has great taste in music, TV, movies, books, video games, and everything else.
4. She's ridiculously intelligent. Normally this is a huge turnoff for me but she wears it well.
5. She's girly and. It. Is. KAWAIIIIIII~ <3
6. She has tons of things eerily in common with me. This wouldn't be such a big deal except they are really, really weird things that are probably unique to just the two of us.
7. She's very open-minded.
8. She's random and silly. :3
9. She's nerdy! Video games, roleplaying, anime, the Internet, et cetera. All good.
10. She's really nice (when you're on her good side).
11. She has tons of mental illnesses.
12. She was at one time Christian and hopefully will be again someday. :c
13. She a perv, baby!
14. She's got talent in writing, drawing, singing, etc.
15. She has a cute kitty. =^o^=
16. She's young-at-heart. Still watches cartoons, that she does!
17. She is to the best of my knowledge a vegetarian, and vegetarians are pretty cool.
18. She is also bisexual, which is even cooler.
19. Supposedly she has a huge ass. I cannot verify if this is true or not.

[incomplete]

THE INSIDES OF MY EYELIDS - THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF NICK BATE

September 1st, 1991. Nickalaus Boyd Stoutzenberger was born. The first several years of my life are fuzzy, and I only remember random bits and pieces. They are all useless, though. But what I DO know is that my family was, and still is, terrible. The years before kindergarten were spent in a small apartment house, having no contact with anyone outside the family at all. I also had no video games at this point, so I have no idea what I did for fun.

Then shortly before school began, we moved to a house right up the street from my grandmother, and from then on I often ran away to there whenever my family did stupid crap. Now, the next sequence of events, I don't know exactly what order they came in, but here they are:

-I got a Sega Genesis, launching my love of video games (but not RPGs just yet)
-My parents got divorced, and Dad ended up moving in with his sister. I remained with my evil mom.
-I started going to school.

School was always hectic. For the first few years, I often tried to run away from school, only to be retrieved by cops or my parents. Plus I always had difficulty with the work, and thanks to being kicked out for a few weeks, I fell pretty far behind. When I returned, they started having me do muliplication when I hadn't learned subtraction yet. It took me years to get the piece I was missing, but I eventually did it. And until fourth grade, I was actually labeled a 'gifted child' and was even put in a special program for such children. Unfortunately, I couldn't understand ANY of what they talked aboot in there, leading me to believe I was actually somewhere between average and gifted.

But then fourth grade came, and I remained at a third grade level, unable to learn anything new. I'm STILL there, actually. So needless to say, now I'm considered retarded. Anyway, fourth grade is always when I was sent to my first Special Ed class. I stayed in the same class with the same teacher (whom I hated then but now realize wasn't bad at all) until the end of elementary school. I also made my first friends there, and they hung out with me at recess, playing this live-action roleplay I devised, called The Nick Team. It was basically a ripoff of DBZ and Final Fantasy 9.

Anyway, school still proved to be hard, seeing as how for some reason I can't learn new things. Plus I got into the occasional fight or threw the occasional tantrum. Then middle school came. I went to a new school for about a week of middle school before my mom decided I should be homeschooled instead, due to my inability to get along with other people.

The homeschool years were the good ones. I spent most of my time playing video games and working on writing Nick Team stories, having no contact with people, et cetera. My dad also found a girlfriend, and I went there on weekends. Her son introduced me to Homestar Runner, and a new Nick was born shortly after. I came across the Homestar Runner Wiki via search, and I started using the Internet for message boards, wikis, instant messaging, etc. for the first time.

I made tons of Internet friends, a few of which I'm STILL friends with. I also started my own message board, which was the greatest thing ever to be on the Internet. My friends posted there. ...That's actually all that happened, really, but I think it was the coolest thing ever anyway. There were a few incidents in which I thought I was in love with come chicks, but they turned out to really be just obsessions that caused them to hate me, but of course I only realized the difference once I actually fell in love for real.

From the HRWiki, I spread to other websites, eventually discovering Bonus Stage, the greatest cartoon ever made. My first obsession. From this point forward, I started cycling through random obsessions every few weeks, and for the duration of them, they became the center of my universe. Then of course I abruptly find a new obsession and the cycle repeats itself. For example, during my Bonus Stage phase, I wrote lists of characters, episodes, etc. for no real reason, then tossed them onto a pile and never looked at them again. I also watched the episodes repeatedly all day long. The same formula applies to all my obsessions. During my They Might Be Giants phase, I listened only to Their music, wrote down the tracklistings of albums for no reason, etc.

Anyway, back to Bonus Stage. I helped set up the Bonus Stage Wiki, and there, I met Anna. Actually, she was also a friend of my first girlfriend, but I probably didn't pay attention until BSWiki. Anna quickly became my best friend and she shaped me into what I am today. She introduced me to a large percentage of my obsessions, and I swear, she has the same thing going on. She'd cycle through obsessions like that, too, and we usually had the same ones at the same time, so we constantly talked aboot them.

It didn't take long for me to fall in love with Anna. For real this time. She was fine with this at first, and even said she might marry me. Unfortunately, I told her too late, as she got a boyfriend. But I continued talking to her any chance I got, waiting for her to reciprocate my love for her. It was tough to get in contact, though, because I only went to my Dad's house every weekend (and sometimes there'd be some circumstances preventing me from going at all for months!), and my mom won't let me use her computer because she's one of those overly paranoid moms, blinded by the media, that thinks everyone on the Internet wants to kill or rape you, despite all the irrepudable evidence that my friends are actually who they say they are.

Still, it was the highlight of my life. All my time was spent trying to win Anna over, and when not online, I kept myself (midly) sane by doing roleplaying with myself (although by this time I scrapped the Nick Team in favor of The Coffee Crew), playing video games, and of course doing my weird obsession cycles. Still no friends, though, unless you count Macen, who sometimes came over to my house to join the roleplaying. But yeah, he was the only offline friend. I was actually pretty content for someone with no friends, other than the Anna thing.

Meanwhile, my mom (who got remarried) would have me arrested every few months, for trying to defend myself from being abused. Turns out, no matter what parents do to their kids, the kids can't fight back or they'll get arrested. Nice law, America. Anyway, I put up with it, because I always had Anna to look forward to. Eventually, though, I moved in with my grandmother, so Mom's antics occurred slightly less often. They still do happen, though. Most recently, her husband came and crushed my hand in a door for talking to my friends on the phone. Seriously. I have a recording of it.

But I digress. Homeschooling only lasted for four years, and for 11th grade, I was sent back to public school. Seeing as how I didn't even learn how to do middle school, high school was tough to adjust to. There was all the new jargon (Credits, for example. To this day, I don't know what a credit is or how you get them. Back in elementary school, all you had to do was get D's or higher in your work, and you graduate. But now you need credits. I don't get it.), the concept of "classes" (For some reason, now you have to go to more than one room, and you don't even get a single teacher to tell you where you're supposed to go.), and much more. Luckily, I was still in Special Ed, though, so I only had two classes and two teachers, both being special ed.

The first year sucked pretty bad. The work was getting easier, since it was special ed work, but I don't know how to handle social things. Most classmates were alienated by the roleplaying wih myself and obsession-having, while others beat me up for it. SOME people were all right and talked to me, but even then I wasn't really comfortable around other people. Then the second year came. It was better. The people who beat me up were gone, and all the new kids were pretty nice. They liked to read the Coffee Crew comics I drew and stuff. But unfortunately, everyone once again got the delusion that I'm gifted, and so halfway through the year, they put me in regular ed classes. TERRIBLE. IDEA.

The first problem was that they put me in computer classes, and I don't even like computers. Apparently they think you know how to program just because you're online all the time, talking to people. Then of course was my social phobias. People would always try to talk to me, and I don't know what to say and also I can't do eye contact. It just creeps me out. Staring at people's eyes feels weird. Then of course there's my social faux-pas. Since I don't know how to do anything that you're expected to just learn by yourself without being taught (such as eating, breathing, sex, bathing, etc.), I often did things terribly wrong. It took extremely specific directions for me to understand what to do. Luckily, one of the aides from special ed came with me to my mainstream classes, but it was still really, really difficult.

That wasn't the only area of my life that caused me great stress. On top of school and child abuse, Anna started to gradually hate me more and more. I started out being like, her best friend, but over time she began to yell at me and block me for a few days every time I told her I loved her. Even after she broke up with her boyfriend, mind you. Then one day (August 23, 2008, to be exact), she finally had enough. I'm not sure what exactly triggered it, but she decided to block me forever. Then she began writing on her blog or Twitter or whatever aboot how I'm creepy and should kill myself, and her friends joined the Nick-hatin' by DIRECTLY telling me to kill myself.

That's where I am now - Anna's still doing this stuff. And she caused a few of my friends to hate me, too, as well as cool people who weren't necessarily my friends but probably would have become friends had this not happened. So now my time is being spent thinking of way to win her back. Most of the stuff I've tried only made things worse, probably because of my retardation. Like, I tried asking advice on 4chan's /b/. ...Seriously. Not my best idea.

So basically, I put up with everything else and didn't kill myself solely because I wanted to marry Anna, and then THAT happened. It's like fate wanted to take a dump on my face, except I'm a coprophiliac, so instead fate VOMITED on my face. And in my mouth. And then I vomited THAT vomit back up. And it burned my insides something awful. The following is literally a list of my goals in life:

-Marry Anna, have kids with her, and be literally the greatest husband ever. Never get into arguments with her (kinda failed that part), never lie to her or hide things from her (that part actually screwed me over. go figure.), protect her from any dangers that may arise, always be romantic and surprise her with gifts and thoughtful acts, do all the housework, take care of her and the kids, cheer her up when she's sad, cook her meals, and just make her happy in general and always put her before myself.
-Never graduate high school (failed. yes, i failed at failing school. that's how much i fail.)
-Never have a job (note that my definition of a job is having a boss, having to travel away from home, and having a contract or other paperwork. i'll probably make money via google ads or my cartoons or something. i dunno, i'll ask anna what she wants once she's talking to me again.)

That's it. Literally. How much is that to ask, really? Not much, I'd say. And yet, all this difficulty attaining it. I've been working with my remaining friends to try to get Anna to unblock me so I can at least talk to her, and then work on things from that point. No luck so far. Plus, I recently found out she got a new boyfriend, so now I ALSO have to worry aboot those two having premarital sex, because I don't want Anna to ruin her life and afterlife. Plus there's all the other stuff I'm afraid might happen to her, which I can't stop because she's avoiding me. Plus every time I see that she's sad, there's nothing I can do to cheer her up. So as you can imagine I'm now paranoid beyond the point of insanity, and she's always on my mind, even when I'm trying to focus on video games or obsessions or whatnot.

The end.

ABSOLUTELY (STORY OF A KITTEN)

So yesterday Dad found a kitten wedged between two boards of a fence. He brought it in and we tried to nurse it back to health. Its legs were dead, from either breaking its back or losing circulation or something, because we don't know how long it was stuck there - maybe a few hours. Poor thing even got rained on when a storm passed by.

We wrapped it in a towel for warmth. It slept for a while. I'd be tired too if I was fucking stuck in a fence for several hours. During this time, I pet it because it was cute. I think it was Siamese, prolly four or five weeks. When it eventually woke up, it squirmed around, trying to crawl away. Sadly, only its front legs worked, and it couldn't pull the weight of its dead hind legs. Still, it seemed to be okay, other than its legs. It looked around and squirmed and stuff, like I said.

Dad's girlfriend fed it some formula she picked up, and at first it seemed to be drinking it all right. But after a few drops of the formula, it stopped trying. Guess it suddenly got weak or something. Then she held the kitten (wrapped in a blanket, of course), but it suddenly went limp and couldn't hold its own head up. Poor dude's head flung around as she moved him. It was painful to watch that.

Then she put the kitten back down and... welp, it died. Awww. D:

R.I.P. kitten 2009-2009

NICK BATE'S GUIDE TO POKÉMON BREEDING

I told you I'd do it, didn't I?

Okay, so it seems like none of my friends know much aboot Pokémon breeding. Pretty much just that it exists and is done by taking a compatible male and female Pokémon (or any Pokémon and Ditto) to the day care peeps and you get a new Pokémon of the same evolution line as the female. Welp, more to it that that.

Individual Values
First off, there's this thing called Individual Values, or IVs. Each of the six stats (HP, Attack, Defense, Special Attack, Special Defense, Speed) has its own IV, and they are all a random number from 0-31 for every Pokémon. What these IVs do is add (IV * 100 / Level) to the stat. As you can see by the formula, you don't even get the full effect until level 100, so it's not too noticable. But once you do reach level 100, your stat could be up to 31 points higher. That's basically like leveling up 15 more times (depending on species of Pokémon). You might have guessed that this is one of the reasons why Pokémon of the same species and level have different stats.

Natures
Another reason is the Pokémon's nature. Every nature increases a certain stat by 10% while also lowering another one by 10%. So try to aim for natures that bring out your Pokémon's strengths. Oh, and nature doesn't affect HP. Just the other five stats.

Effort Values
And the final determiner of stats are Effort Values, or EVs. This shit is hard to explain, but I'll do it anyway. Just like IVs, each stat has its own EV. You get EVs whenever you get experience points (so you can get them if you switch out or use exp share, but not if you are level 100). Every Pokémon you fight in the wild or in a trainer battle (excluding link battles and battle frontier) gives you a certain amount of EVs toward a certain stat. For example:

Fighting a Whismur gets you one EV toward HP
Fighting a Trapinch gives you one towards Attack
Spinda is one for Special Attack
Tentacool is one for Special Defense
Zigzagoon is one for Speed
Clamperl is one for Defense

Also note that some Pokémon (usually evolved forms) can give you two or three points toward a stat, or even one to a stat and one to another stat or some other combo like that. Okay, so what do EVs do? Well, like IVs, you don't see the full effect until level 100, but they give you one stat point for every four EVs on that stat. Your stats are updated when you level up, but not when using a Rare Candy. That's why you'll hear people saying rare candies are bad, but they're full of shit because you still get the stat points next time you level up in battle. Assuming you don't rare candy yourself to level 100, that is.

Oh, and guess what? There's a limit to how many EVs you can get. You can get up to 510 EVs, and once you get them all, the chick in Slateport city (in R/S/E) standing next to the vitamin salesman will give you a ribbon. (Or in D/P/P, the chick in the seal shop in Sunnyshore does the same thing) Also note that even though you could put all 510 EVs on one stat, it'll only give you stat points for the first 255. So you can only get 63 bonus points per stat, which is actually still really fucking good. But yeah, once you hit 252, train a different stat or the whole thing'll be a waste.

You might be pissed because getting 510 EVs is gonna take a long time. NAY, SIR! Each vitamin (Protein, Calcium, HP Up, Zinc, Carbos and Iron) gives you TEN EVs toward the stat it tells you. Note that they boost your EVs, not the base stat like they say they do. However, you can only use each vitamin until that stat's EV reaches 100, so use 10 vitamins and then battle for the rest of the EVs. Or just battle if you're patient enough.

Another way to quicken it is to equip your pokemans with the Macho Brace you get from fighting the four Winstrates in a row right above Mauville, or by using Itemfinder where Giovanni stood in his gym after you beat him in FR/LG. The Macho Brace doubles the EVs you get in battle. It also lowers your speed (in-battle only, not the actual stat), but really speed is useless anyway. Pokérus, too, doubles EVs if you can get it. I forget if you can use both to quadruple EVs or not, but I doubt it. Also, the Power _____ items introduced in Diamond, Pearl, and Platinum will give you an extra 4 EVs per battle in addition to whatever you'd normally get.

Techniques
That's all there is to EVs, THANK GOD. Now, what else is there? Oh, techniques. Yeah, you can also pass attacks down to baby Pokémon. If you have a TM or HM on the father and it's compatible with the baby, they get that. Certain attacks that AREN'T TMs/HMs can be taught even if the baby Pokémon doesn't usually learn it by itself. Like, I have a Raichu that knows Encore and a Gardevoir that knows Will-O-Wisp. These are called Egg Moves and you have to breed two different species to obtain them. Finally, if BOTH parents know the same move, even if it isn't a TM/HM/Egg Move, the baby'll learn that one, too. You can do that shit to teach the baby strong attacks at an early level, like passing down Hydro Pump to a newborn Mudkip or something. (Yes, Mudkip can learn Hydro Pump if you don't evolve it for a while).

Miscellaneous Hints & Tips
-If you teach a Pokémon the Hidden Power attack, its type and power will be calculated based on the Pokémon's IVs.
-From Emerald on, if you give the mother or a Ditto an Everstone, its offspring will have a 50% chance of inheriting its nature.
-Shiny Pokémon are fucking useless. They DO NOT have better stats that non-shiny Pokémon or anything. Seriously. Literally no effect.
-Get vitamins from the dude next to the ribbon chick (convenient, huh?), from Berry Crushing, or from the Battle Frontier.

I can make changes to this guide if necessary.

SO MUCH FOR INTERNET.

I think I'll probably head home today, or maybe tomorrow. It seems that in order for me to stay here at Dad's, I have to either get a job or do housework. I guess I could do housework, but Dad and his girlfriend are leaning towards me getting a job, so I don't know if that'll still be an option. So I probably won't be able to come to Dad's anymore. Fuck.

They really need to invent like, a handheld computer that you can just get online with for free. Like, with WiFi or something. Because I needs me some Internet. >C

SO UM. ANNA.

Just wondering here, is there any reason why you don't want me to read your LiveJournal? Somehow I don't think you've been writing anything containing major revelations. And even if you were, I... still don't see why I can't read them. Can you, like, un-friends-only your blog? Please?

ALSO, I ACCIDENTALLY GRADUATED.

Yeah. I graduated high school. The social worker at school told me I somehow already met all the requirements for graduation, so it was too late to drop out. I'm none to happy aboot this, considering now my life is ruined. And even if I kill myself, it wouldn't do any good either because I'll still be a high school graduate in the afterlife. I WILL BE THE ONLY DEPRESSED PERSON IN HEAVEN. >C To add insult to fatal injury, my aunt threw me a graduation party. But first, she took me out to the mall to get me an iPod. Finally. 'Cause, like, for the longest time now she's been buying me crappy generic MP3 players because she doesn't understand the concept of things existing that aren't brand names. So, she said once I graduate she'll let me pick out any iPod I want. This did not happen. When we got there, I showed her all the iPods and she decided they were too expensive and ended up only getting me an iPod Nano. A FUCKING NANO. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ONLY 8 GIGABYTES?! So that was a shitty graduation gift. Especially considering, ya know, my life and afterlife are fucking ruined and absolutely no good came of it. I did manage to buy a few things at the mall using my own money, though. Namely some pocky, another Rozen Maiden DVD, and the new Green Day album. Then of course was the actual party. Which I received NO GIFTS AT ALL at. We ate tacos, had cake, that was it. I mean, I got $95, but still. How do they expect me to buy things if I'm not allowed on the Internet? Then they sprayed me with silly string. They seem to think it's funny, but it's not. So yeah, it sucked pretty bad. So then I pretty much spent the rest of the day using the stuff I got from the mall and playing Pokémon, but then my mom got scared and said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo, holmes, to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie, "Yo holmes, smell ya later!" I looked at my kingdom; I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

(NO AC) DC!

Despite the last week of school being optional for seniors, I went on Tuesday to go on a field trip with my class... to WASHINGTON DC. All in all I enjoyed it, but I get the feeling I was the only one.

But anyway, it was like a two or three hour drive to get to the metro from school. The metro itself took like fifteen minutes, and it was actually pretty cool. We got off near the Smithsonian, which was the first place we saw. One kid in my class really wanted to see the ruby slippers from the Wizard of Oz. And he did! I also saw the painting of Stephen Colbert, which really made my day. I didn't think it was still there, but it was. Another unexpected surprise was the actual chair from All in the Family. I admit, I kinda liked that show. As well as everything else that's ever been on Nick @ Nite.

We went to eat next. I don't know why we didn't wait until later, because we JUST got to DC. But yeah, we went to McDonald's, and much to my dismay, we all had to order our own stuff. AND I HATE HAVING TO TALK TO CASHIERS. SERIOUSLY. But I did it anyway, and indeed it was very awkward. Then more awkward came when I tried to find a place to sit. IT WAS PACKED, YO. I was prepared to just stand to eat, but eventually our social worker found some seats.

But yeah, enough aboot the DELICIOUS food of McDonald's. Everyone went and blew most of their money right afterwards (we were each allotted 30 dollars, for food, metro fares, and whatever else. souvenirs and shit.) at a stand right outside the McDonald's. Me, not wanting to talk to cashiers, didn't buy a damn thing. It pays to be anti-social sometimes.

I believe next we saw the White House. Possibly. It may have been later on. I forget, but I'll discuss it next anyway. Apparently they beefed up security, so you can't do tours anymore. So the closest we could get to the White House was outside the lawn, behind the fence. I got my picture taken in front of it, which is cool and hopefully it'll be emailed to me soon. But now that I think aboot it, maybe I shouldn't post it because one of my friends was in the picture, too, and I guess she doesn't like her picture being taken or something.

We also saw the Washington Monument, or as I like to call it, the Clinton Monument. (figure that one out) I wanted to go inside, but all the tickets for the day were sold out. No idea why, since it was just the beginning of the afternoon. But everyone except me had to either urinate or defecate, so next we hit the bathrooms at the WWII Memorial, completely ignoring the memorial itself. Man, we're dicks. I did see some old dudes in wheelchairs, though, so I assume maybe they were veterans themselves.

Then then Lincoln Monument! You know that giant pool you always see on TV? The one with the Washington Monument in the background? Apparently it's right in front of the monument. And Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his "I Have a Dream" speech there, too! We climbed the steps and went inside, and it was pretty cool. Turns out there's even some writing on the walls. I was one of only two people who actually read it. I'm not sure what it was, though. Maybe one of Lincoln's speeches?

If I recall correctly, it was at this point that we all stopped by these two stands. Being anti-social again, I stood around and watched as everyone else blew more money. The cashiers even tried to rip them off a few times. Eventually, I finally decided to buy a drink, because I'd been struggling with the heat all damn day long. Even had some dizzy spells throughout the day, plus I was drenched in sweat. So yeah, I bought a Mountain Dew. Fairly refreshing. My friend was surprised that I actually bought something. So was I, actually. Huh.

Then we proceeded to the Air and Space Museum. There was a note on the door telling us we couldn't have food or drinks in there. Quite ironic, really. So I quickly guzzled my soda and ran over to a trash can as fast as I could to throw the bottle away before I got left behind, which was really stupid because then I got nauseous and started dry-heaving. I wasn't aboot to puke in public, though, so I managed to keep it down. Anyway, then we entered the museum. I couldn't pay too much attention to it because I was still trying to stop myself from throwing up. I do remember being in an airplane, though. The bathroom in the plane was ridiculously small. I don't know how anyone could fit in there.

We weren't there for long, because everyone was really bored and wanted to go home. So was I, really, but only because I made myself sick. Also I think I was aboot to have a heat stroke, if I didn't already have some. So we took the metro back to where we parked. This time, I stood up, holding onto the railing, which was pretty fun. Once we got back to the vans, DAMN IT FELT GOOD TO BE OUT OF THE HEAT. Then I pretty much chillaxed for the two-to-three hour drive home. And that's it, basically. Hooray.

FINAL, MISCELLANEOUS NOTES:
*I didn't realize it before, but it turns out DC is an actual city. I always thought it was just the White House and the White House's lawn.
*At one point in time, we passed by the Treasury. I asked my history teacher if that was the place where you'd go to trade paper bills in for gold back when there was the gold standard, and she fist-pounded me for remembering things. Lol.
*I got my ass grabbed a few times. By a chick. Pretty hot.
*Also managed to hug some trees, and even made out with one. I don't think my classmates will ever be able to wipe that image from their minds.